Pregnancy Fitness

So, I've been holding off on this post to kinda sort things out with my energy level and my mind, which is honestly my biggest problem in pregnancy-I have it really easy physically, no symptoms to speak of, except more napping, and absolutely no morning sickness. But mentally/emotionally, it's a battle. The losses we've suffered combine with my battle against the lies I've shared that haunt my mind into a crapstorm some days. So far it hasn't been as bad as with Lexi, and I'm hoping it'll stay that way, with a combination of prayer, staying in God's word, and reminding myself of what's true. 

So, fitness. Early in my pregnancy (before I knew) I had modified my cycle performance to try to keep my heart rate lower, and planned to stick with that and the Jillian Michaels workouts I was doing through my first trimester. Well, the same week I found out I was pregnant (probably not coincidentally) my sleep schedule got all messed up and I just wasn't getting up early enough to work out. Also, when I went to cycle class, I experienced cramping through and for about two hours after class. Now, I knew that most likely this wasn't a problem, as exercise causes uterine contractions even when we aren't pregnant, we just don't feel them. However, with my anxiety issues, I knew I should back off, for my own sanity. Boy was that frustrating. So, since then, I've been waking for the hour I would be in cycle class, and averaging about 3.5-4 miles in that hour. 

Yesterday I tried out a new prenatal yoga DVD, and loved it. I'm sore today, which feels amazing, and I feel like I've built a great prenatal fitness library that shod keep me strong and not bored the next 6.5 months or so. :-)

My plan for the next few weeks is to practice yoga 4 days a week, walk at the gym twice a week, and be as generally active with the family as weather and energy will allow.

Starting late August or early September, I'll work my Andrea Orbeck Pregnancy Sculpt workout into the rotation twice a week and start varying the yoga between the different DVDs I have. I have calendars mapped out for the rest of my pregnancy. Because I'm a planner like that.  I feel like this will keep me strong and prepared for birth and as smooth a bounce back as possible. 

I'll try to blog regularly about how all this is going, physically, mentally, emotionally, and probably share pictures. I definitely want more of a record of this pregnancy experience than I created last time. I can't believe it's almost 1/4 of the way over! 

Here's my little bump: (it's really hard to photograph so please excuse my face! 

Ladybug Girl, Age Two.

How is it you're already turning two years old? It was mere moments ago I felt you wiggling inside me, wasn't it? Seems like I just saw your sweet face the first time, seconds after you met the world, before the cord that connected us was even cut. How is it that our first nursing was two years ago, and our last five months ago? That primal moment when you were fresh from my womb and I kissed your head and smelled your hair and knew you were *mine*, and all I had waited for. I can still smell that moment if I close my eyes. I hope I always can.  

Alexandra, Lexi, Lil Bug, Peanut, Cookie. You answer to so many names, because your Mama is fond of nicknames, and that's fine with you. You are the sweetest, most affectionate, tender soul I've ever met, and your capacity to love others and bring Joy and sunshine into their lives astounds me. You love openly, freely, without reservation or fear of rejection,  and it inspires me to love more like you, because even at barely two, you love like Jesus. You were fifteen months old when I was first told how a baby was crying in the nursery and you ran to find a toy to comfort her. Daily you sweep me away with not only being the cuddliest cuddle bug this cuddly mama ever dreamed, but capable of the sweetest moments of spontaneous affection I've ever experienced. I love when you reach up and pull my face down  to kiss, or when we are at the park and you stick your face between bars and pucker up until i meet you there. Everyone who knows you knows you are the sweetest and most joyful child ever, and I'm so glad and blessed beyond words to get to be the primary beneficiary of that! 

You are two, and even you have some rebellion and sass in you. I'm praying for wisdom and strength to know when and how to discipline you, because I'm a softy, and you are terribly sensitive. I'm learning daily what battles to pick, and how when you seem you be extra mischievous, you're really just asking for more attention and focus. I'm learning as you learn, Sweet Bug, and we will be patient with each other. 

As I have always dreamed, but never dared actually ask God, you are the ultimate girly girl. You love having your hair done, particularly in "Baid" (braids) and ask daily for some of mama's makeup. Your favorites are,  "Bip?" (lipstick), "cheek?" (Blush stick) , and "pahko!" (Sparkle eyeshadow). I love it. You get so excited about new clothes and shoes and I laugh when you strut and dance around because you feel pretty. I love the humongous grin showing all your teeth and sparkle in those green eyes when I tell you are the most beautiful. Because you are, my love, inside and out. 

You're learning so quickly, and sometimes I realize that I can try to direct and focus what you learn, but you are gonna pick up and run with concepts I never even concieved of! I have been working on colors with you, and you're getting there, but yesterday you picked up a white crayon and announced "WHITE!" My jaw dropped, because, though I've read color books with you over and over, *I* have never taught you white. Now you show me that crayon over and over to impress me. You like making your Dadda and I proud, and I hope we do a good job of letting you know how proud we are of who you are every step along the way. I love watching you learn and grow and develop new skills. 

You definitely inherited the music gene, probably mostly from Dadda, but I hope a little from me too. You love to sing and play instruments, and I love to listen. Lately you've been very into me singing to you during cuddles, and also having me sing silly songs for you to dance to. I love making those memories with you. 

Watching you with your dolls and with babies you meet, I see clearly that you are very nurturing and maternal. When we gave you your baby penguin plush the other day, your first instinct was to lift your shirt and nurse it.  I'm so excited to see your loving and tender self as a big sister soon. You will be so sweet and helpful and love the baby so much! You already like to kiss my belly. You like to tell me also that you are gonna be a big sister like Elsa! 

 We don't watch a ton of TV, but you are passionate about the few things we do watch. You love Blue's Clues, Color Crew, Clifford, Daniel Tiger, Frozen, and of course, Gobble Gobble! (free birds). I love watching you enjoy these characters and sing and dance along.

Your favorite books are, "Little Blue Truck", its sequel, all the Ladybug Girl books, all your Sesame Street books, your word books that we use to practice talking, and most of all, your bible. You ask for it constantly and also carry around my first bible, a white New Testament given to me in 1986. I pray you'll always be so passionate and connected to God's word. 

Our family has really enjoyed the Zoo this year so far, and I look forward to many more trips! You especially enjoy the prairie dogs, Bears, tigers, cheetahs, budgies, Penguins, and all the animals you can feed and pet. 

Lexi Bella, I could go on about you forever. I am so honored to be your mama, and watch you grow, and teach you new things. This next year is going to be a new adventure, but I know it's going to be wonderful to adventure with you, my heart.  I love you. 

Lil Valentine: the story so far.

So, I've been quiet about this the past few weeks, but WE ARE HAVING A BABY!  We went to see my doctor yesterday, had a perfect ultrasound, saw the baby, saw and heard a beautiful and strong 165 bpm heartbeat, and were told that everything looks perfect! Our Estimated Due Date is March 1, so I'm saying February, and calling this baby my "Lil Valentine". I've always wanted a February baby, because nobody on either side of our family has a birthday in that month! 

So, here's the story so far: when I didn't get pregnant in April from our first round of Clomid, I was really discouraged and sad. But we felt like God put this desire for another child on our hearts, so I took the clomid again and we tried again. I'll admit, I wasn't super hopeful, but I kept praying and fighting to trust God. 

June 17 was the day I expected my period, and I decided to go ahead and take a pregnancy test that day, even though I had no symptoms. I woke up at 4:30 in the morning needing to use the bathroom, and thought "well, guess this is it!" And went ahead and tested. The test looked negative in those first moments, and I went back to bed, a little dejected. Now, in the few more hours I slept, I had *two* dreams that the test turned positive before I looked at it again. So, when I woke up, I looked at the test again. Sure enough, there was a faint but visible second line. I showed Scott, who saw the line too. But you know, the instructions say ignore any change after ten minutes...so we decided to test again in a week.

Over the next week I prayed a lot, pouring out the desires of my heart to God, but also asking Him to give me peace and patience for His timing.  Toward the end of the week, this became my mantra when my heart would feel heavy: "when God decides to give us another baby, nothing is going to be able to interfere with that." And I felt much less nervous about what the outcome of that next test would be. I continued asking God for a baby, but also began to rest in knowing His timing is perfect. 

On June 24, I woke up at 2:38 AM and had to use the bathroom. Again, I thought "well, guess I have to test now!" And I did. This time though, as I watched the test develop (I've tried countless times not to look till 2 min and nave never succeeded), I had to blink and run my half asleep eyes as I watched a second line appear on the test. It was just like the day we found out about Lexi, and just like that day, Scott was skeptical till he saw it himself. Then, his second reaction was "Woman, why did you have to do this at 2:30 in the morning? I have to go to work!" Oops. So, we tried, not too successfully, to get some more sleep. 

Because we don't know (and will never know) what caused our early losses, I wanted to be proactive but not paranoid this time. I called my doctor and asked if he thought I needed to supplement progesterone, and he ordered a blood test to see. I wasn't anxious, because if there was a problem, it was easily solved. But, in light of all we've been through this year, and the fact that again, I have no big glaring pregnancy symptoms (just like with Lexi), the fear started to creep in. The blood test had been on Tuesday, and Thursday morning I was crying out to God for help, for peace, for the ability to trust Him, because my fragile trust was shattered back in January, and I knew but needed to really *know* that this God I put all my hope in is worthy of my trust, even though I don't always understand the way things go. I was praying and crying out for help, when the phone rang. It was my doctor-not one of his nurses, who usually call to follow up, but my actual doctor. He told me that my bloodwork looked great! My progesterone was good and so was my pregnancy hormone. Praise God! My body was doing everything it should! The number he gave me for my pregnancy hormone level was higher than it ever was in January, so that was awesome too. And that call came exactly as I was asking God for reassurance. Amazing. 

The next 3 weeks passed very uneventfully, with many naps and varying levels of anxiety. I have an incredible circle of women (and a few men) who are patiently supporting me and encouraging  me and praying for us, and I am so thankful for all of them. I know God is blessing our baby through their prayers, and I thank God and ask his blessings on them daily. 

Yesterday's appointment was perfect, I feel good, if a little tired, and I can't wait to share this journey and this baby with all of you!