week in review

so, i am officially back into the swing of things. since last saturday i have worked out 6 times total. here's what i did:

• 9/11: 25 min walk, 1.27 miles
• 9/13: 60 min walk, 3.16 miles
• 9/14: 45 min walk (because of blisters), 2.34 miles
• 9/15: 4 sets of 7 laps in apt pool, 40 min swimming
• 9/16: 4 sets of 7 laps in apt pool, 40 min swimming
• 9/17: 4 sets of 7 laps in apt pool, 40 min swimming
• 9/18- grocery shopping, 40 minutes ;-)

So, yeah, it was a good week, and a very good start. tonight i have lazer tag with the youth group kids, so no swimming today- i don't wanna pass out in the dark! HAHA! But tomorrow morning i'm right back to it!

Back to work

so, long story short, it'd been 4 months since my last real workout when i hit the gym again yesterday. not good. but we are back on track and after a successful 60 min/3 mile walk last night, i'm looking for a repeat. i'm really sleepy atm- 4:00 on tues afternoon, but i won't let that deter me from this. oh- starting weight for this round is 194. shooting for the nice, round, 150 by new years. that's 16 weeks (well, 15.5 from right now...) and i think 44 lbs in that time is doable... this week i am also attemptin g to get my home back in shape. wonder how many calories that'll burn. ok, time to have a pre-walk nap. laters!

Progress! Finally!

I bought this dress years ago, thinking i'd wear it when i felt comfortable in it. well i finally do, but i'm not sure if i'm ready to wear it yet. here are pics. it;s a size 12, which i have not worn in at least 3 years. :-)

Intervals Part Deux, and thoughts on my program

after sleeping on it and waking (at 6 AM!!) with no discomfort or soreness in my ankles at all, i'm thinking i'll keep going with my endurance building interval training. i'm going to start taking Glucosamine soon and s long as i'm careful, i should be fine. Also need to learn and become familiar with the difference between soreness and pain- i mean, my ankles hurt while i run, yes, but they are also getting stronger in theory, which is something i really want. hopefully these runs will help me accomplish that. So WOOOO! :-D
Secondly, i've worked and reworked my training program on paper more times than i can count. particularly this week. (one could argue that if i'd spent the time i was thinking and planning actually working out i'd be better off- and they'd be right!) i need to figure out the smartest and most effective way to work out. i really do think interval training is key. keeping the heart rate up and burning max calories while i tone is super important. so that will be my focus, especially in the short term. the Biggest Loser Last Chance Workout is interval based, and doesnt let up, so YAY! i think the key isn't to spend more time working out neccesarily, but to make the time i do spend count. 2-3 hours a day of working smart can be just as effective as 6 hours working moderately hard.
all that said, i should get dressed and start my day! Woo!

intervals

tonight i tried something new at the gym. i did an interval program on the treadmill. i lasted 10 min on an program of 3-6mph. i am really split on my opinion on it. on one hand it felt AWESOME! i wanted to keep running and running- but here's the problem: my ankles hurt badly after that 10 min and they still kinda do. i dunno if this is the kind of thing that will get better or if i'm just gonna get more and more sore if i keep it up. i don't want to make it so i can't run at all even on the elliptical, but at the same time i loved the intensity of that workout. thoughts? Please?

thoughts

Feeling uneasy about workout plans. I know they are doable. I have got to push myself because as things are I'm getting almost no results. I'm sick n tired of sick n tired. I literally have to treat working out like a job and the paycheck is feeling and looking better. I've embraced this philosophy successfully before, why am I struggling now? 2-3 hours of the 16 I'm awake each day is not too much to invest in my well being. Have got to DO this!

Medications

This falls into a category slightly more personal than i usually share on here, but it's relevant. I've been struggling with my weight off and on since i was 12- it's no new thing. I've successfully lost about 4/5 of my weight twice before, in 03 and 05. i have not however lost it successfully since my miscarriage in 06. part of this is about perseverance, priorities, etc. I've never really stuck with it long enough to get out of the 190's, which usually takes me 2-4 weeks (oh yes, I've started a number of times...) and never gotten further than that while on my birth control and antidepressants. a few weeks ago i stopped taking the latter because someone had convinced me that it was part of the cause of my weight issue. i was contemplating going off the pill too. now, PCOS has no medical treatments specifically for it- we kinda borrow from other illnesses and mix and match based on symptoms and needs. the way my doctor and i are managing mine is through the two medications i mentioned above, as well as diet and exercise. it's the most low maintenance way to do it, and works well for me because though i display most symptoms of PCOS, the most dangerous ones i display mildly- let's face it, my facial hair is not hurting anything but my pride, my migraines become less frequent all the time, and my weight is a mild issue compared to many women with PCOS who can't get below 250. as evidenced by my pregnancy in 06, i don't have a fertility problem, i have an ovulation problem, which proves to be solved by diet and exercise. birth control regulates my irregular period, and the combination of the BC with the antidepressants normalize my depression/anxiety disorder. so, yeah. maybe not the smartest thing to drop the two things that are the only medical involvement i have going on to treat this illness. I'm fairly healthy now (other than the things I've listed plus fatigue and pelvic pain from the cysts and the fact that I'm 40 lbs overweight)but this disease is no joke. just by having it i am at exponentially higher risk for all the female cancers and type 2 diabetes. these reasons, and the desire i have to be a mother and a healthy one at that are the reasons i am losing this weight knowing all that, i researched the meds I'm supposed to be taking and found they actually contribute to weight loss according to studies and the lady who told me otherwise was wacko. so, all that to day I've gone back on my meds and am gonna look at them as what they are-tools to help me on my journey.

better than nothing.

ok. so i didn't do my dvd today. i did go to the gym though (and ran 4.2 miles in 32 min on the elliptical). Scott and i have a new rule. monday through friday my first priority is to get my dvd done. if i do this and feel like an additional run would be overkill-i'm allowed to skip the gym. however- if i have not done my DVD by the time he gets home from work- guess what? i HAVE to go to the gym. this way i am guaranteed a workout and i won't lose momentum. it might not be the hardcore workout i'd planned for that day, but- it's better than nothing.

At War

This morning i find myself at war...with myself. part of me is so driven and motivated to shed this fat, and the other is pissed that because of my disease (PCOS) it;s not happening the way i want it to. this comes in two parts. the PCOS causes a messed up metabolism in general, which makes everything harder, and it also causes extreme fatigue. the second part is the thorn in my side right now. I'm ready for a nap pretty much all the time. now- last week i got up at 6 every day M-F and had a great workout m-w and would have the other 2 days but for my knee injury (more on that in a moment) then Saturday we got up and went for that 2 hour 5 mile hike and holy crap was it both exhilarating and really tough. since then, though, I've just been wiped out. no workout Monday, Tuesday all i managed was cardio at the gym (which was nothing to sneeze at- 50 min elliptical run= 7 miles even) Wed i tried the Biggest Loser Last Chance Workout. it was the hardest workout I've ever done (and am about to do it again). i couldn't even finish the 25 min of intervals. now, it;s debatable whether i gave up too easy- i probably did, but holy crap was it tougher than expected. yesterday, sore and sleepy and dejected, i took the day off. BAD! i went to bed on time last night and slept pretty well. i did not get up on time today (something which, as simple as it is, i think is key)and i made the mistake of stepping on the scale. BAD! I'm actually- not surprisingly- up 2 lbs from my Monday weight in- because it;s the middle of the week and I'm bloated and sore. i need to not weigh in unless it is weigh in day. not to mention the fact that the scale lies. what i weigh and the shape of my body are rarely something that match up. i mean, i do not LOOK like i weigh 196 lbs. most people would guess around 175. second, i have and am probably putting on- a lot of muscle. in weight loss one cannot forget this exchange. muscle weights more than fat, and i have a lot of it. this is my third time losing this weight- and the last- and i therefore have more muscle on me and less fat to lose than the people on BL that i look to for inspiration. I'm realizing again as i type this that this is my journey. nobody else's. i can't measure my success by anyone else's results, because they are not me. i have the motivations, i have the need to within me, i just need the stamina to look and think and feel past the fatigue and the pain and look at where i am going and how many lives can be toughed by my story and the success that will come even though I'll have had to push *that much* harder to get there. I've got friends with PCOS who have been fighting this battle too and i bet that seeing me persevere through this can help them find the strength and the courage to do it too. WE CAN DO THIS! *I* CAN DO THIS! its gonna hurt, and it;s gonna be hard, but it;s gonna be worth it.

new drive and new frustrations

ok, so i've found a fire lit under my bum and i'm thrilled with it. i'm getting up at 6 and going for a brisk walk for 60 min, then strength training, then 45 min of cardio (Building to 90 over the next 2 months) on the elliptical in the evening. its intense for me at the level i am at now but i'm not a sit around and wait kinda gal. except today i might have to be. my knee is acting up big time. it's understandable because it's also getting more use than it has in years and i tweaked it a little at the gym tuesday night. yesterday morning it didnt bother me during my walk and when i got home and it did start to hurt i just iced it and took some ibuprofen and it got better. this morning when i woke up it hurt. BAD. i figured it just needed a warm up and set off on my walk. from the start i knew this want gonna be good. i was walking really unsteadily. after about 5 min i turned around and started back home. at this moment i'm thinkin that it;s been a pretty intense first four days and maybe i should take it easy today Like, take the day off.. i don;t like it and it;s not what they might do on The Biggest Loser, but i don;t have Bob, Jillian, or trained medics here. so, i have to look past today and know that a day for my knee to heal might be what i need in the long run. i'm truly exhausted- and i'm not sure if it;s because i havent had the walk to wake me or what, but i;m gonna take today to rest, stretch, and let my knee recover because tomorrow is- as you may've heard from The Biggest Loser- my LAST CHANCE WORKOUT! no- really. i'm tearing it up tomorrow.

WOOOO CARDIOOOOOO!

tonight i did an interval program on the elliptical for 45 min. it was tough but i made it. it wasnt as tough at last night but i worked harder if that makes sense at all. i felt it in my outer thighs and butt which was kinda cool. i ran 5.55 miles which is more than last night even with the added resistance. woo! tomorrow is my day off from cardio but i still have strength training. :-)

did some thinking...

i'm the kinda gal that does everything wholeheartedly. i jump in with both feet. it;s who i am, and almost always i am proud of this trait. when it comes to fitness though, it gets a little frustrating and stuff. see i want to start strength trainin an hour a day, running ten miles a day, etc. that';s just not how it works tho. hafta start moderatelyand work up. it takes a few weeks to have visible results, yadda yadda. thats all well and good, but i thrive on results. so, in order to not burn out or get frustrated, i'm really trying to focus on doing what i can each day- and doing it well- pushing- but not too hard, so i can create this consistency and routine and results i can realistically project and look forward to.
like i said before- i'm going to live the Biggest Loser lifestyle. Work out as hard as my body lets me- probably in bursts 3x a day or so- and track my calories so i can see mathematically what;s going on in my body. i'm trying to remember all the things i;ve learned about my body over the past 7 years of ups and downs in my weight and apply them. (i know this post is very Stream of Consciousness, and i'm sorry about that...) the fact is i've successfully lost most of my weight twice before and in rather quick turnaround, but i;ve neither kept it off nor managed to finish getting to where i want to be. this time, i'm going to accomplish both. i;ve got friends encouraging me and a husband taking the journey with me, and the ultimate goal at the end is sustained strength and health. i may have to to work harder than most to maintain, but i'm gonna do it because this rollercoaster is making me sick. thoughts?

this is gonna teach me tenacity

my body does not want to get into a routine. this time more than ever my body is telling me that it doesnt wanna work hard and get back in shape. well guess what? not optional. my life is its own season of The Biggest Loser until i reach my goals. other than my faith and my husband nothing matters more. i got up this morning on time and started my workout reasonably soon after. i didnt get very far. this is because i'm out of shape and because i didnt eat before i started. if i am gonna do anything more than a 15 min walk i need to do it after i eat. otherwise my body will quit quickly. i also tried on my "goal dress" for my 5/28 goal. it;s a size 8/10 and red satin and i'll get a pic of me in it now up soon so we can see the difference between now and 6 weeks and 2 days from now. in 35 min i will finish the workout i started this morning. then later i'll hit the gym hard again for another 45 min on the Elliptical and 15 on the treadmill. i've decided to just do 15m a day on solid ground of some sort until i get the new sensor. i'll either be restarting the walk to run program on fri or sat- not sure which yet. that;s all for now... more when i've finished my strength training.

Back to work!

Ok- i'm gettin back into the swing of things. i'm super tired atm but i'll give y'all the skinny- (if only!)on what i've done so far. Saturday 4/10 and yesterday 4/12 Scott and i hit the trails at Deep Run park for an hour each of light hiking. WOOT! then tonight we went to the gym and i did 45 min on the elliptical and 15 on the treadmill. i'm doing a walk to run program on the treadmill and outside in addition to my elliptical training to get my joints stronger so i can make Scott happy by going backpacking with him soonish. my nike+ sensor needs to be replaced, so i will have to officially start the program once i've done that. tomorrow: Strength in the AM and cardio at the gym in the PM.

Starting pics and Rest day thoughts

ok, so those are a good documentation of where i'm starting from. i took them on Wed, 3/17 after a lot of really hard working out and my body is holding a ton of water. i guess we hafta know where we are starting from to see where we are going. im not entirely sure what that'll look like because my ribs stick out in such a way that i'm just not sure how it all looks without the fat. we shall see.

i'm really sore and tired today but i'm not gonna let it get me down cuz tomorrow starts a whole new week of exercise and i have big plans. GO ME!

no workout tonight

doesnt look like there will be a workout tonight, which is kinda sucky. i'm just super tired and we needed groceries. i knew that if i did one i wouldnt do the other so i picked. i'll just be extra sure to stretch out really well tomorrow.

the bare minimum

when i first start working out consistently i get a little more energy, and i know that a normal and productive life is about to return to me. but before it does there is the sleepiness. this phase usually lasts thru the first 2-3 weeks and basically all i have energy for is eat/sleep/work out. this is where i am now. i understand it but it;s still frustrating.

Awake early!

today, for the first time in ages, i've been up since 630 AM. i am a little sleepy if i let myself close my eyes, but i'm not gonna! :-D i'm having a liquid breakfast here, with my protein shake, green shake, and tea. wooot for healthy mae!

The Morning After...my first Back to back class day ever!

Hey! So last night i took pilates at 5:30 and then Body Pump at 6:30. Kim wasnt there for pilates and the sub instructor was great but was very focused in lower body work which made me a little nervous about Body Pump. i left Pilates about 15 min early (which was a lot earlier than neccesary) and wasnt sure what to expect from myself in Body Pump. overall class went well- i think i did better on squats but i fell apart on lunges- my feet still really hurt. all the weights just felt really heavy even tho they were the same weights i've used before. i did really well at abs! i went to sleep last night expecting to be really hurting today but SHOCKINGLY i'm not sore at all- just a little stiff! i know i had a good workout though. because i'm not sore today, i'm gonna do the jackie warner DVD i have this morning, and then some cardio at the gym tonight. i can work out super hard today because tomorrow is my day off!

This is awesome!

i'm doing this to help fight hunger and make my weight loss count for something! lets do it!

OOH! Update!

OK so it;s been a few weeks. slacker mae. i have finally managed to begin to get into a gym routine, with the help of my awesome husband. he joined the gym with me a week ago, and we are having a blast. Side note: this blog is gonna get updated more often, because this thursday my new netbook is being delivered which means i can update on the go and stuff! WHEE@! so. Scott and i are making a habit of going to the gym every day but thursday, and so far haven't done a bad job. we've missed 2 days and gone 4 so far- and the misses were caused by the pager, which won't be a problem from here on out. i've readjusted my short term goals but have kept the overall goal date of 5/18 (though the official final measurements will be on 5/21 because it;s a friday) first goal date is now 4/2 with a goal of looking good in my size 12's and weighing 185. the weight matters a lot less than the measurements to me as i carry weight differently than most women apparently. i've gotten a lot better about taking my vitamins and medicine, which is a plus. still tryin to sort out my sleep, but i imagine that will regulate as i get more into the gym and stuff. Jason Lacy has offered to help me lose weight, and i'm really thankful. so far he has me drinkin more water which is a challenge for me as i hate the stuff. i'm cheating a little by drinking lots of herbal teas iced- which generally has the same effect. havent yet figured out what to do about my feet- i have the insoles, but my feet were killing me during squats the other day, so tonight i'm gonna try body pump without them and see if there is a difference. tonight's workout is Pilates with Kim H (my FAAAAAVORITE instructor) and immediately into Body Pump with Emilie. it'll be my first back to back but i think it'll be good. i'm so excited!!

Day 2: balance.

ok. i'm probably not gonna get to work out today either. Phooey. i'm still dealing with nausea and dizziness which means i'm likely to hurt myself if i try to work out. i'm struggling to balance motivating myself with listening to my body. tomorrow is my scheduled day off for the week, so i'm gonna start this for real on Friday. i'll probably be running a little behind where i want for my 3/3 goal, but better that than injured. sigh.

food.

if you know me, you know that i am relatively conscious of what i eat. i always tell everyone- and it;s true- that i don't have a food problem- i could lose this weight by exercising consistently without changing my diet at all. But, it'll probably come off a lot faster if i am a little more aware of what i'm eating and when. "Dieting" doenst work for me. eating healthy is a lifestyle choice and a matter of being intentional. when i start losing weight (because. yes, i
ve been down this road a number of times...) i only really count calories the first week or so, to make sure that i'm really eating what i think i am. as a recovering bulimorexic with obsessive tendencies, it;s really not healthy for me to constantly obsess over everything i put in my mouth- it's downright dangerous. so- though i think they are SO useful- i do not keep a food journal or track my food after week 1. for me it's a matter of making sure i have multiple healthy options in the house for each meal and snacks. this morning i sat down and made a quick list with 7-10 options for each meal (knowing i'll come up with more on the fly) that are healthy and blanced to support my fitness goals. then i made a grocery list to make sure i have what i need for these meals in the house. surrounding myself with "friendly" foods makes it possible to indulge in a few reduced fat oreos or a bowl of ice cream on a day i've had a good workout.

Day 1: The best laid plans...

i didn't manage to work out last night. shortly after lunch my stomach got really upset and i ended up taking a loooong nap. i slept thru when my pilates class was supposed to be, which really stunk. not the roaring start i was hoping for, and the nap set me up to be wide awake till 2:30 am, which kept me in bed till 11 am- missing my 8 am pilates class. lovely. now, this isnt all doom and gloom like it sounds. it;s frustrating, but it's life. the point is to get out of bed and do what i can with the day ahead of me. which i am. :-)

Wakeup Call/Starting place

ok. i haven't felt good about my weight/fitness level ina loooong time. but last friday i had a huge wakeup call. i saw this picture:
it's a great pic in that i love the girls in it, the girl that took it, and it was a great retreat. but i look at myself and i don't see me. i see someone fat and yick and unhealthy. i know i'm my worst critic and all but this picture brought me to tears. i thought i was doing ok at keeping the weight off. i haven't made it to the gym since early december because of health and stuff and i thought well i won't lose weight but i can maintain, right? umm no. i weighed myself yesterday (monday, 2/8)morning and discovered i'd gained back 11 lbs since i was last at the gym. this brings me to the second point of this blog post- where i am starting from.

• Weight: 200 lbs. (down 25 from highest/up 50 from goal)
• Waist: 36 inches (even with highest/8 inches from goal)
• Hip: 45 in (down 1 inch from highest/9 inches from goal)
• Thigh: 25 inches: (down 1 in from highest/8 in from goal)
• Arm (thickest point of upper arm): 13 inches (3.5 inches from goal)

So. the plan is to start this week working out M/T/W/F/Sa/Su.

Goals:

• lose 50 lbs and 28.5 inches by May 18 (14 weeks from today)
• lose 15 lbs and be a size 12 by March 3 (3 weeks from tomorrow)

Plan:

• Week 1: 2 classes m/w and one class each on T/F/Sa/Su
• Week 2: classes same as above but adding 30 min cardio
• Week 3: same as above but 45 min cardio
• Week 4-14 same as above with 60 min cardio.
  

RAR!

fighting to win this time.

Hey. If you've known me any length of time, you know that my weight and health have been a struggle my entire adult life. Guys, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. i've been fed up with my situation before, but i am at a point now where i have realized how much time i'm wasting by being tired all the time- aside from being frustrated with how i look. so. here we are. a new decade, a new chance to get this right. Scott is totally behind me and i am so thankful for that. even as i type this i'm freakin exhausted. this has got to end. it ends NOW.