A good day.

I wanted to make a point of writing today, because most often you hear from me when I'm discouraged and frustrated, and not every day is like that.

Today is especially good because it marks what I hope is the beginning of progress. I stepped on the scale and I am officially DOWN 2.4 lbs! I haven't been great about measuring so notes on losses there will have to be noted in the weeks to come. 

My energy level is improving finally, probably owing to a better sleep/food/workout balance. I'm gonna stick with this program exactly as is until our trip to Nebraska, and while we are there (minus cycle). When we get back, i'll level up on JMBR and keep up the walking and cycle. 

I'm going to add in some gentle stretching yoga time in the evenings, hopefully to improve my recovery and lengthen my muscles. I really miss doing yoga but my usual practice and JMBR don't really go together. If I'm patient, though I'll get to do plenty of yoga when I'm pregnant. Doing better about leaving that whole thing in God's hands. I have moments where I feel low on hope, where I feel heartbroken and afraid that I won't get to carry and birth and care for another baby, but I am really seeking to banish those feelings!

I am so blessed, and so thankful, and though I strive toward new things I am noless thankful for all that I have! 

Struggling to be optimistic.

I've been doing increased calories/replacing calories for a week now. I'm staying off the scale till at least Monday to give it a fair shake. I feel like I've got my exercise tweaked to the right place, which is great. I plan on a level up on JMBR when we get home from Nebraska in 3 weeks. I miss my yoga, and hopefully I'll work it back in eventually, but right now I feel like it would be overtraining. 

I gotta say though, I'm pretty discouraged. I just don't see anything changing based on this. I was getting some inch loss results for awhile in the spring,  but I just feel I've been stuck for soooo long it's hard to see a way past what feels like a tremendous failure. 

On the positive side, I'm definitely getting stronger and more fit! My performance in Cycle class has continued to amaze me, and I have much better endurance in my JMBR workouts. I'm doing more reps on the exercises I struggled with that on, and have started doing some of the less bothersome cardio intervals. I did most of the plank rows today in full plank instead of on my knees! I'm excited to see what I can accomplish the next 3 weeks before I level up! 

I have about an inch thick layer of fat around my midsection-a little thicker over my belly, and that's really what I'd like to see change. I'm fine with my thighs touching-I don't like it, but it's not a huge deal-but I really hate looking like a barrel in the midsection. I feel like overall I have a body that looks very strong and I love that.  Sure, I'd like more separation between my thighs, and no arm flap, but those things would be easier to deal with if I could lose some belly fat. I guess we all have that one area that plagues us. 

Five days in

And I'm still struggling to wrap my head around this. I've been working under the concept of eating at a 1000 calorie defecit AND working out on top of it for so long that it's really scary to me to eat back most or all of my workout calories. I'm scared my body is just gonna balloon. 

Today  is a tremendous calorie day because I did an extra Jillian Michaels workout to make up for missing yesterday. According to all this new math, I need to eat 3100 calories today to net 1600. That's insane. I'm pretty sure I'll hit 2600 at least. 

How long do you guys think it'll take before I know if this is working? 

Does this sound right?

A friend suggested the other day that I was undereating for the workouts I do and it really got me thinking. I discussed it with a few other friends today, and they all (and my LoseIt! and MyFitnessPal apps) agree that I should be eating calories to cover the calories I'm burning from exercise.  

Here's what I mean: 

-Say I set my calorie intake goal at 1600 calories (to create a defecit to allow me to lose about 2lbs a week while nursing). 

-but I also burn 1000 calories on a day I exercise. 

My old method was to eat the 1600 calories. Period. Rinse, repeat. I thought maybe I should add 1-200 cal to see if that helped.

HOWEVER... 

My friends (and my apps) say that if I burn 1000 calories working out I need to now eat 2600 calories so my defecit remains at 1000. (Because apparently the larger defecit has put me in starvation mode).

Is this correct? Have I been doing it wrong????

I still don't know what's wrong.

I know I'm getting stronger, and my athletic performance is improving-I've covered that before. This week I've pushed through new barriers and worked out harder than I have maybe ever-2 years ago I was putting in more time (17h a week vs 8-9) but with less intensity(6.5) of those 9h are spent at 60-85+ of my mhr, vs 3), so I am working both smarter and harder I think. 

However, I'm not losing weight or inches. seriously. I've been and still am trying to be patient, because it takes my body a couple weeks usually to catch up when I start working out consistently, but it's been 5 solid weeks of working out 3-5x a week-HARD-and if possible, I feel like I'm getting bigger. So frustrating. Like I said, still trying to be patient, but I'm getting pretty discouraged. I've got 17 days left till my mini goal and I've been doing everything I can to get there but I'm starting to lose hope. Not giving up, but really need to get some payoff from this soon. 

A few things I hope help:

-I may have been overtraining, so I'm dropping the yoga from 4x to twice a week for awhile. I love love love my yoga, but it may have been overtaxing me a bit on top of the interval training and cycle. I am going to try to take a nice walk with Lexi as often as I can though-burning extra calories but without the added soreness.

-I'm making strides in getting my sleep on track. Trying to get to bed at 10 each night and up by 7. Today I got up at 543! Since then I've nursed Lexi, had breakfast, spent an hour knitting, done my HIIT workout, nursed Lexi again, and fed her a freshly cooked breakfast. All by 930! A few weeks ago I'd still be in bed right now! 

 -I'm trying to eat a little more. I'm still nursing Lexi, and I'm clearly not one of those mamas who lose weight from nursing: :-P however, my body is still doing the work, and it may be in famine mode with all the exercise I'm doing. So...I'm not sure how much more, but I'm trying to eat enough to reassure my systems that all is well. Blargh. Skeptical. 

Anyway, that's where I am. Performance improving by leaps and bounds, measurable fat loss? Nooooope. Really hoping this turns around soon. 

This is not a pregnancy announcement.

It's an exercise I'm doing to document this process and this time in our lives. One of the tools I'm using during this "waiting time" is visualization. I'm a worrywart, and easily discouraged, so I'm going to start talking to our Baby Two now, possibly (probably) before he or she has even been conceived. I can't dream another baby into existence, but if I think of pregnancy/meeting this child as a "when" rather than an "if", hopefully a lot of fear will be diminished. So. Here goes. 

Dear Baby Two

Today I'm wondering if you're already growing inside me. I've been very tired the past few days, and a little nauseous and moody too. I've had a few other signs that something *might* be going on too, and I'm not sure how to feel about them. It gives me hope and yet I don't want to hope *too* much and be heartbroken. So, today and every day, little one, I'm going to pray. For you, whenever God decides to give you to us, that your body and systems will be healthy and strong.  for me, in the meantime, that God will make my body a ready and healthy place for you to grow, that He will make my heart focused on Him and joyful and content with the many blessings he's given me-like your Daddy and your wonderful beautiful sister. You will love Lexi, little one. She is sweet, funny, smart, and brave. I know she will love you too. Whenever you meet her. 

Weird day.

I've been dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil the past few weeks, in regard to getting pregnant and my fitness. I know my fitness is improving, as I've talked about at length here, but I'm just not getting smaller, and definitely not at a rate to match what I'm putting into it. I'm not giving up though. I'm just really really tired. 

I got up at 7 when my alarm went off and fed Lexi then ate breakfast and had some good devotional time. Then all emotional hell broke loose. I don't want to talk about it. I'm still kinda mad. 

I felt-and still feel-utterly spent by 9am. I know God doesn't want me feeling this way. I know He wants me to take joy in each moment of living this life He has given me, each day full of so much promise. I have 70 solid minutes of working out that I have to do before 5 pm. I'd like to go for a walk too, but those 70 min are nonnegotiable. But all I want is to go back to bed and start this day over and not open my Facebook. 

I mean, something has to happen, right?

So, three weeks of exercising 5x a week at increasing intensity under my belt, I'm not really noticing much of a difference in my body itself. I wrote the other day about my performance improving, and that's fantastic. However, I'm not someone who can be content with just performing better. I would be so irritated to be someone who can kick butt in spin class but looks like a couch potato. 

I've extended my results goal date to October 7-not because I feel I need the extra time, but because October 1 is on a Tuesday. Plus, even though I'm not playing, I know of a DietBet game that started today and I'm curious to see what I can do during the same time period. 

I'm about to do my Jillian Michaels and my Yoga for today-a new yoga DVD!-and I'm definitely feeling I'd rather nap. But I'm gonna so this and kick butt at it. When Lexi gets up we will go for a nice long walk. Definitely shooting for about 1k-1200 cal burn today. 

Updates, milestones, goals...

I'm about to get my Jillian and yoga in for the day so i'll try to make this quick. 

Update 1: tomorrow finishes my third consecutive week of consistent exercise after the insanity that was July and the first half of August. The first week started slow -just walking-cuz I had my period, yadda yadda. Last week was walking, yoga, and cycle class twice. This week I've done cycle twice, taken walks, and in about two hours ill have done Jillian Michaels workouts 4 times and yoga twice. Next week is my final ramp up week where ill start doing yoga 4x a week instead and keep this schedule until I need to start my pregnancy schedule. (As soon as 4 weeks!) I'm hoping to keep doing cycle through my first trimester in addition to yoga and walking. 

Update 2:(now with milestones!) I really think I'm in the best shape of my life. Like, better than when I was first pregnant with Lexi. My strength and endurance in cycle class have skyrocketed since I started about 2 years ago (with a 13 month break in the middle.) In sept 2011 I was warming up at gear(resistance level) 5-6, my flat road was 8, my normal climb level was 11, and my heavy climb was 14. The past 2 weeks I've been warming up at a 7-8, flat road at 11, normal climb at 13, heavy climb at 17-18. Even more than that, there is a big difference in how I am able to follow the instructors' cues. I used to be able to stay standing about 60% of the time I was asked to, and added a gear about 70% of the time. Last night I realized I followed every one of Bob's cues to stand or sit and only didn't add a gear twice. (So about 90% on that.) that on top of the huge increases in my ability to work with heavier gear. I'm feeling pretty accomplished there. 

I mentioned some of my goals in update 1, but here are my more broad ones: 

1. Consistency. Must do what is on the calendar every day from here on out. I got my workouts in in Monday even with a family gathering. No excuses.

2. I'd really like to be a size 10 (for the first time in 8 years) by 10/1. I don't care what the scale says. This is likely my last size goal for awhile due to...

3. I'd really really really like to get pregnant in the next few months. And...

4. I need to, at the very least do yoga 5x a week through my entire pregnancy. I'm going to try to keep cycling through the first trimester(like I did with Lexi) and walk as often as possible. 

Prayers for the above goals (mostly 3-4) greatly appreciated. Xoxo