Goals and tools

Ok, so you know by now that I set lofty but attainable goals for myself in the fitness arena. I'm finding that as a mama and -let's face it-one still recovering from giving birth and adjusting to a whole new lifestyle, I have to place different expectations and restrictions on myself. For example: I'm breastfeeding. This, I was told by many, makes the weight just melt off. FALSE! It makes me hungrier than I've ever been in my life. I lost all but 10 lbs of what I gained with Lexi within a week of giving birth. I have since gained another 5 lbs because I am SO HUNGRY! I'll admit that on our trip to Nebraska for Christmas I ate whatever was near me , but other than that 5 day period, I've made pretty consistently good choices. However, because I'm breastfeeding, I can't do what I've done in the past to jump start weight loss-can't do a 7 day cleanse and then eat 13-1500 cal a day while I work out 4h a day, 5-6 days a week. I've been advised not to go under 1800 cal a day, and I'm sticking to that pretty well so far. When you're eating clean, that goes a long way!
I'm obviously not working out 17-20h a week again yet-and most likely I won't be for awhile, but as of today, I'm on a mission to do as much as I can each day without letting my home, daughter, or husband suffer. So, here are my goals:
-spin class t/th/Sa starting 2/2/13
-get to goal size/weight by 4/24/13-the nebulous weight goal is 150, but because of the way I carry weight, I'm not sure if that number is right. I weighed 170 in the picture that is my biggest inspiration currently (at 4 weeks pregnant with Lexi!) and I honestly don't know exactly what I weigh right now. I just know I hate the way my face looks in pictures. I'm choosing 4/24 because its the day Lexi turns 9 months old, and there's the saying "took 9 months to put it on, 9 months to take it off!" Well, I think that's a lazy way to think about it, but I've also been on my butt the past almost 6 months too! So now I'm setting the goal of losing the baby weight *and* the other 20lbs I had left by her. 9month bday. :-) this whole wellness journey was sparked by my desire to be a mother, and it continues to be inspired by my desire to be the strongest, healthiest, happiest, best role model of a mother I can. Lexi is gonna grow up knowing that mama has some struggles with the way her body works, but she fights them to take good care of herself and her family.
Another reason to set this goal date for April is because I'm involved in at least one wedding(maybe more) this year, and I do not want my goals to be tied to those events. Once the event passes, it's hard to keep up momentum. By the time the wedding I'm in rolls around I want to be hard at work pursuing my next fitness goal!

Now, my tools. You guys know I love gear, and I've tried a lot of things to help me along the way. I still love my armband for swimming, my cycle shoes, and everything else, but I've added 2 major things to the mix that are helping Mama Mae stay on target. One is the BodyMedia FIT Core armband. This thing tracks everything-my steps, my heart rate, calorie burn, sleep...and I input my food into an app. This helps me know exactly how I'm doing and what to expect in weight loss. I'm super psyched. The other thing I'm using is the Kinect for Xbox 360x I've got 2 games for it so far: Zumba fitness Core, and YourShape 2011. Super stoked to share my progress with you!

Instant reflection

I just finished my first real workout with the Kinect. When I say "just", I mean I'm still on the verge of losing my breakfast. When I say "finished" I mean I had to stop. I'm feeling many things right now, besides the nausea. I feel discouraged and disappointed. I've lost a lot of my hard won cardiovascular fitness and muscle strength. I mean, yes, it's been a year since my last *real* workout, and yes, I had a baby 5 months ago, but still. I'm disappointed that I didn't stay more active. I can't change the past, though, and I am feeling excited for the future. :-) I know that today is the bottom. It only gets better from here. I've started, and that's the first step. I can't say it's the hardest step, because for me it's consistency for the first 2 weeks. I think I can do it though. I've got a husband who has my back, and a daughter who is so much less demanding than most babies. :-) I'm probably gonna try my Zumba game in a few hours, and do some solo strength work to round out day 1. Hopefully that and the housework I have planned will both help me reach my calorie burn goal for today and build muscle to burn more long term.

4 month well check

This morning we had Lexi's 4 month (even though she will be 5 months old in 6 days) well baby visit at the pediatrician. The visit was great as usual, and Lexi only cried about a minute from her shots. She's been cranky and grumbly since, except while sleeping. Even when I've gotten her to nurse, she's murmured and complained the whole time. While she's slept though, she's been so sweet, peaceful, and beautiful. I've been overcome by thankfulness, happiness, and love for this girl and the opportunity and blessing to be her Mama. She's more wonderful than I ever dreamed, and every day she teaches me more about myself and about God and His love for me. I'm so humbled by all of this.

Velocity(it ain't just a church!)

Know what? If my goal is truly to be healthier and stronger and I'm not trying to reach some ridiculous tiny size, then I need only to keep moving forward during this time of adjustment. It doesn't need to be all or nothing, success or failure. Goals, yes, but celebrating the small things too. I'm too hard on myself and that causes me to shut down if I can't reach this made up standard. Laaaaame. That's not what I wanna be teaching Lexi and its not healthy. I need not just speed toward my goals, but direction. Velocity.

Perception vs Reality

So, lately every time I go out or see people, I'm told "wow! You look great!" And my first reaction internally is to want to argue. I'm polite and thankful, so I just thank them, but inside I think at best that's just what you say to a new mom, but more likely they are just plain lying, because, yuck! I look terrible! Don't I?
I won't step on the scale. Not because I'm scared so much as because it's never been an accurate measure of where I am. Today I did something that felt both desperate and brave. I tried on the pants I wore before I started wearing maternity clothes. I know what my perspective has been-that I'm gross, and the extra 15lbs or so that I've left from my pregnancy is making me look just massive. I needed to temper that with reality. Reality is this: I can button, zip, and with the right top, conceivably wear the jeans I wore last thanksgiving-when I was about 6 weeks pregnant with Lexi. I'm not able to do that with the pants I wore a month later on Christmas, because I actually lost 8 lbs during that month, but that's ok. I have a little muffin top and a pooch of fat below my navel, and that's ok too. My arms are not the "guns" they were a year ago, but they will be, and sooner than even I think. The truth is that every ounce and every extra inch will be a pleasure to work off because of the reason I gained it. I've gotten my food back on track, I've started doing Yoga again, and I'll be ramping up a bit each week until I'm back at the level I was back in January of this year when I started staying home. I've gotten a reality check, and it's time to enjoy this journey, get disciplined, and not beat myself into a depression.

Mama pride

These are a few of my favorite shots of Lexi. It's hard to pick just a few because I take so many and she's so pretty, but I have done my best. I guess this post is on topic because she's the motivation and the payoff for my hard work and the reason I can't wait to get my rear back in gear! So, enjoy!

back to work!

So, my pregnancy was possibly the easiest ever. Seriously. i had not one speedbump or complication. the labor was looooong- as you may have read- and it was about as complicated as it could be without there being any danger to either of us. all in all a great experience, and life changing.
Since giving birth i feel like all the strength i was unearthing in 2011 has come into full view for me and i see myself not as a repeat and constant failure, but as a conqueror who has the ability to face challenges and push through and be patient to achieve incredible results.
with that in mind, i've gotta get moving again. Gotta get the small amount of baby weight i gained off, and finish my journey to my maintenance weight/size and then set challenges for myself to keep getting stronger. kinda fun to think that at some point my fitness journey will cease to have a weight loss component and truly be about getting stronger and more flexible. one thing it has now that it never did before is an audience. not you, Dear Readers, but my daughter. she watches me so closely, and i need to model for her a healthy journey. not self loathing, not breaking myself down, but setting a goal and finding a healthy path to that goal. sometimes i'll falter, and that's ok. she will see me get back up and back on track. health is an everyday journey, not a one time trip. i'm hoping to get back to where i was last christmas by this christmas or at least close.  Breastfeeding has been awesome, but made me constantly hungry. i'm doing well lately at filling my belly with the right stuff, but i don't think i'm gonna actually lose weight until i get the body in motion. more on that plan is coming soon...