Goal met!

These are the size 10 jeans that were my October 7 goal. They fit comfortably! Woot woooot! Tentative goal for another size lost is 12/2 the Monday I start round 2 of JMBR. It's also the Monday after thanksgiving, but I really don't see that making a difference. 

Friday thoughts

I'm feeling a lot of feelings today. Disappointment because I thought my period came for a hot minute yesterday, but later realized no, just more of the same spotting that's been going on 3.5 weeks now...

Accomplishment because of how I've kicked butt at my workouts this week. Right now I'm exhaust and sore, but proud. 

Discouragement that weight hasn't been and isn't falling off as quickly as I'd like, but more discouragement that my period is now 13 days late. I know God can overcome my lack of a cycle and that there isn't any obstacle to interfere when he is ready for us to have another baby, but it's still hard and I feel like my body is just broken. How did I live so many years in this limbo while TTC? I know i struggled with it, but it seems so much worse this month. Maybe I was used to it or numb. I'm okay with not being pregnant yet, but it leeches hope from me to not even be moving in that direction. 

And finally, I'm thinking/feeling this, which is hard to define. I feel like maybe this is God giving me time to accomplish and reach a goal that I've been pushing toward for a long 10 years at least. I feel like the end of my weight loss journey is in reach. I still have the general 150 number as my goal, but I don't know if I will end up that low. I do feel, however, that if I'm not pregnant too soon, I can get to my maintenance weight-the weight at which my body can feel like mine again and I can just focus on strength, toning, and performance. That's my real goal at this point. To get somewhere I can generally  maintain during pregnancy and return to postpartum and build upon.  So, yeah, if I get an extra month or 2 (or whatever,though it's hard to think about) to go hard and achieve my goals, that's awesome. I'm really gonna try to make the most of this time and not focus on the brokenness of my reproductive system.

Sustainability.

I think the hardest part of fitness for me is  consistency. There's the part that's momentum and habit, and I've basically sorted that out-I need to do *some* sort of exercise daily, even if it's a very light walk. The harder part, particularly for maintaining one's progress, is sustainability. If you're working out at 4h a day to lose weight, you're only gonna be able to do that so long before it's just not practical or necessary. Take it from someone who knows. ;-) this time around I've really tried to tweak my weight loss plan into something that could morph into a healthy lifestyle habit when I'm done losing weight-which I think will be this calendar year! More on that in another post. Right now I'm doing 35 min 4x a week of this JMBR program. God willing, I'm going to finish that by the end of this Calendar year, and provided I'm not pregnant, I'll be transitioning into a toning/maintenance phase of my fitness journey. If I was working out 4 hours a day still, I'd have a lot of questions along the likes of where to make cuts, but since I've stripped down my program, my routine/time spent need not change. I'll probably swap out walking for a cardio game or DVD when the weather is too cold, but everything else can stay the same: early morning DVD (I've plenty to choose from!), light cardio, cycle on Tuesday/Thursday. I'm really happy about that. I'm someone who likes to do a lot of different types of workout, so I'm looking forward to exploring yoga and re-exploring my other DVDs. :-)

So much is changing...

I've written this week already about the results I've gotten on the scale (4 lbs in a week!!!) and I've mentioned the changes in my performance, but there's more! In the fall of 2011 I had SO much energy even with working out 4h a day, and I've been frustrated lately because I'm only averaging half that long of a workout each day and have been struggling to do more than exercise, care for Lexi, and cook. Well, I think that's changing! Today is my rest day, which usually means I lay around and do nothing due to my sore muscles, but today, I have done a bunch of housework AND taken a long hot bath already! Lexi slept in late and is just now eating breakfast, and I'm working on the kitchen before making my weekly giant batch of breakfast cookies. After (my and Scott's) lunch Lexi and I will take our daily walk, and during her nap I'll bake the cookies. I'm excited at what a productive mama I'm becoming. Thank God for renewed health! 

I did an extra weigh in this morning...

...deciding if it was bad it didn't count because I worked out yesterday, only Monday weigh ins count,  blah blah. This picture is what I saw. I am half ecstatic, half afraid. First- HOORAY FOR ME I'm in the 170's! Second-but is it a fluke? Will it just come back after the rest of the week of working out? Third- well my jeans fit a lot better...my waist is measuring a half inch smaller...I can't really do anything to control how my body reacts or adapts along this journey, except to keep eating well and working to get stronger. 

A good day.

I wanted to make a point of writing today, because most often you hear from me when I'm discouraged and frustrated, and not every day is like that.

Today is especially good because it marks what I hope is the beginning of progress. I stepped on the scale and I am officially DOWN 2.4 lbs! I haven't been great about measuring so notes on losses there will have to be noted in the weeks to come. 

My energy level is improving finally, probably owing to a better sleep/food/workout balance. I'm gonna stick with this program exactly as is until our trip to Nebraska, and while we are there (minus cycle). When we get back, i'll level up on JMBR and keep up the walking and cycle. 

I'm going to add in some gentle stretching yoga time in the evenings, hopefully to improve my recovery and lengthen my muscles. I really miss doing yoga but my usual practice and JMBR don't really go together. If I'm patient, though I'll get to do plenty of yoga when I'm pregnant. Doing better about leaving that whole thing in God's hands. I have moments where I feel low on hope, where I feel heartbroken and afraid that I won't get to carry and birth and care for another baby, but I am really seeking to banish those feelings!

I am so blessed, and so thankful, and though I strive toward new things I am noless thankful for all that I have! 

Struggling to be optimistic.

I've been doing increased calories/replacing calories for a week now. I'm staying off the scale till at least Monday to give it a fair shake. I feel like I've got my exercise tweaked to the right place, which is great. I plan on a level up on JMBR when we get home from Nebraska in 3 weeks. I miss my yoga, and hopefully I'll work it back in eventually, but right now I feel like it would be overtraining. 

I gotta say though, I'm pretty discouraged. I just don't see anything changing based on this. I was getting some inch loss results for awhile in the spring,  but I just feel I've been stuck for soooo long it's hard to see a way past what feels like a tremendous failure. 

On the positive side, I'm definitely getting stronger and more fit! My performance in Cycle class has continued to amaze me, and I have much better endurance in my JMBR workouts. I'm doing more reps on the exercises I struggled with that on, and have started doing some of the less bothersome cardio intervals. I did most of the plank rows today in full plank instead of on my knees! I'm excited to see what I can accomplish the next 3 weeks before I level up! 

I have about an inch thick layer of fat around my midsection-a little thicker over my belly, and that's really what I'd like to see change. I'm fine with my thighs touching-I don't like it, but it's not a huge deal-but I really hate looking like a barrel in the midsection. I feel like overall I have a body that looks very strong and I love that.  Sure, I'd like more separation between my thighs, and no arm flap, but those things would be easier to deal with if I could lose some belly fat. I guess we all have that one area that plagues us.