my morning long tantrum

this entire morning has been me throwing a fit because i am stressing myself out over nothing. Here's the thing: i pretty much hafta modify every workout program i start because of my knee/ankle issues (pilates is the one exception) and for 8 years i've been aware of and ok with that. i'm a lot stronger now than i've been in a long time, and maybe that's why i'm feeling pissy about having to modify my Jillian michaels workouts. my knees are still hurting from all the lunges and plyo squats i did on tuesday, and today when i tried yet another new type of squat, it was really painful in the wrong ways in addition to the right ones. so, i've been having a tantrum. mostly internal, but with intermittent textual outburst in Scott's direction. not all of it has been related to today either- i have this fear that as soon as i get pregnant everything i've been working for will stop and i will shut down and lose all my progress. i can't have that happen. i've worked through most of this mentally and come to some pretty solid conclusions, and i'm happy with that. the bottom line is that i will still be getting a good workout, and that's what really matters- not how many squats and lunges i do.

things that are bugging me this morning.

so, for some reason i am up 1.4 lbs from my lowest weight (7/1) and i'm really not happy about that. i mean, i've eaten pretty flawlessly this month, and the past 3 weeks i've been working out consistently, so what gives? (i know, i shouldn't be on the scale in the middle of the week... i was curious though.) again, the math is what really gets to me-at the very least, from pure number crunching, i should be *down* 8 lbs since 7/1, but y'know... i'm not. ugh. Now, to be fair, my waist and hips are each about an inch smaller... but i want to see that scale move too! can i really be gaining so much muscle that i'm overcoming the fat loss with it? sigh. all this is gonna serve to make me an even better trainer when i get my certification, because i swear it is not supposed to be this hard, and i'm gonna be able to empathize so well with any client that struggles. i'm so glad i have a husband who is patient with all my frustration and agonizing and never being satisfied- imagine how much he has to hear this stuff! i really can't wait till i can get in the swing (well in a matter of speaking) enough with my circuit training that i'm ready to start adding cardio in the evenings. i could use the weight loss extra credit!

thoughts before my second JMO Program workout

Mornin!

Ok, breakfast has been eaten,  coffee and water are sitting on the desk next to me, and i'm gearing up to give my all to whatever Jillian has in store for me today. i want- no, i *need* today to go better than tuesday did. i need to get my metabolism cranked up, burn as many calories as i can and build as much lean muscle as i can. to that end, i have a few thoughts.

• Jillian says do the whole workout at once, no rest. well, as much as i love listening to and applying every word Jillian says...i also know that if i try to do that, my for is gonna start to suffer big time in the later circuits, and i'm gonna end up injured. Since i don't have Jillian here to correct my form constantly, i think i'm going to complete the first 2 1/2-3 circuits, take a few minutes active rest, and come back to finish. the last thing i need is to be sidelined by an injury.
• Pacing/energy expenditure is something i struggled with the other day- how much do i give to the exercise in the moment? i thought about this a lot on my rest day yesterday, and i think the answer is this. take the time to do the move correctly with good form, and do not rush. on cardio intervals, do pace yourself so that you are able to keep moving the entire time. as far as how much to give, i think the answer is this: give fully in the moment-don't save energy, because realistically, it'll be there when you need it. Jillian always says not to phone it in, and that when you feel like you can't give anymore, that's the time to really push and give more. the body is capable of more than we give it credit for, and i think a big part of this is mental strength too. 

today i am definitely going to finish every set and rep of this workout and i'm going to, after a rest, follow it up with my kettlebell workout.
Today i am going to do things i didn't think i could.

auuuugh

she's gonna kill me.

it was always a matter of time...

yesterday i took a step on my fitness journey that had been coming for awhile- i joined Jillian Michaels' online program- it's both not a big deal and kinda a big deal- here's why: food wise, i've been following Jillian's orders for awhile already, and i'm already doing her workouts.BUT- there is SO much more to this program than just eating right and working out- if you want there to be- a whole wealth of options and information and recipes, and encuragement, plus a number of opportunities to get your concerns directly in front of Jillian for possible interaction/answers from her. i'm really glad that i did this, and excited to see what's to come of it. i'm also a little frightened at the moment, because i'm about to start my first workout in the program! i don't have to do them till thursday, but, ummmm PLYO pushups?!?!?!? oh pray for me., y'all!

a Thank You and Dedication of sorts

This is the only picture i could find of Tee Morris and i online- but i think it kinda works. Tee has been an amazing friend and cheerleader on my weight loss journey and just plain in life.He is someone who has stuck by me unabashedly while others have turned their backs. He's given me opportunities to support him and encourage him too, which is, i've gotta say, one of the most valuable things in a friendship for me. Today, though, i'm thanking tee for believing in me and encouraging me to believe in and be myself. At a time when i wasn't sure where i fit and who i wanted to be- after a major life event made me re-evaluate pretty much everything i valued- Tee told me to be true to me. the best example of this was what he wrote in my Podcasting for Dummies book: "Next time you podcast, do it for *you*." i cried when i read that, because in that moment i knew Tee *gets* me. he knows i am a people pleaser and before all these changes, i did what it took to fit in and please the people i loved- which can be good to a point, but Tee was encouraging me to do and be what was/is right for *me*- this way there are fewer regrets, and a lot less heartache. Tee, i love you, Brother, and you will never know what a blessing you are to me on a daily basis. THANK YOU!

(photo credit: Doc Coleman)

re-branding thoughts

so, i'm thinking i want to re-launch my fitness podcast with a new name and slightly new focus, and change the name of this blog too. the new name, because, well, the "RDQ" name is something associated with a time in my life that is now over- i hope to return to roller derby at some point, but i've got other things i'm pursuing right now, and while i'll always look back on being "The RDQ" and working for Scott Sigler as a great experience, i'm a very different person now, and i think i need to own that even more by owning my online face as ME- not what someone else has dubbed me. (which is not to discount many many fond memories of Sigler calling me "RDQ" or "Roller Derby Queen"- i'm smiling just thinking about it. good times.) So, yeah. by the time you're reading this i'll have changed the blog title, and probably asked my friend Re to make me a new podcast logo with the new name for that too. it's likely to still have workouts, and advice, and encouragement, but also i wanna share stuff i'm experiencing and learning- maybe similar to an audio version of this blog. thoughts?