LadyBug Girl is Four!

My Four year old. You are light and love and my dreams and my heart, and I love you more than I ever knew possible. You also drive me crazy, but that's life with a daughter, I'm told. 

You're so very imaginative. We almost literally can't keep up with who you "are" from day to day, whether you're Peppa Pig, Sofia, Cinderella, Belle, Snow White, or about of the other many characters you play. It's both endearing and infuriating  to call your name and hear "No, I'm Belle!" We love the worlds you create though, and do our best to

Encourage you. 

You are very into making art now, whether drawing, painting, gluing, or...toothpaste? I encourage that too, within reasonable boundaries and rules. Haha! I love watching your creations look more and more realistic and hearing what's in your vibrant mind. 

Ballet is becoming a favorite activity too. You love your teacher, the girls in your class, and DANCIN! Your first recital was so fun, and I look forward to watching your confidence and skills grow. 

We really enjoyed our first year of homeschooling and are both excited to start again soon! You ask me almost daily if it's "uptember" yet, because you are so ready to learn to read! 

(Astronaut)

You're an incredible big sister, and impress me every day with your love for your "Bubby". You two play so well together and just love each other so much. If he's up and you're not, he misses and tries to get to you. I love hearing y'all laughing together in the car. I'm so thankful for how much you love being my big helper with him. 

You are the most passionate and sensitive child I've ever met-with parents like us, it makes sense-you certainly come by it honestly. You are so caring and loving, always making sure I'm doing ok, and if you sense even a little unhappiness you seek to comfort and encourage, not just me, but your brother and your friends too. The flip side of that is, for any highly sensitive person, that your negative feelings and reactions are big too. You love and laugh on a large scale, and you are sad and angry in a big way too. I'm learning to breathe deep in those moments and not let my own high sensitivity be caught up too, because what you need is calm and safety when your world feels stormy. I know this because I'm the same way, my love, my heart. 

Lexi Bella, I'm so thankful and blessed to be your mama that I don't have words. I thank God every day for the gift of you and all you are, and I always will. Especially on this day that's a reminder of my very first happiest day with you. I love you. 

To my Baby Duck, turning One,

My sweet, loving, joyful, sometimes mischievous, often laughing, occasionally temperamental, always wonderful little boy, I can't believe it, but, it's your first birthday. What a year it has been. A year I didn't expect, but one that has changed me. God used you, little man, even as a tiny baby, to do big work in your mama. We didn't know, when we gave you a name meaning "man of prayer, man of God," how much those two things would be true already. I'm so thankful that God gave us you, that he used you, someone so beautiful and so sweet and so worth the fight, to teach your mama to fight. Your smiles have been rewards along the journey of the past year, when we didn't let PPDA win. 

You light up my world every single morning as you wake up with giant smiles and laughter.

I never knew how much my heart needed the love of a son-so different from the love of a daughter-until the first morning I woke up to that smile. 

So many people-especially those who know you well, marvel at what a serene and happy guy you are, and I'm so proud and washed over with thankfulness for you and the things you teach me every day. Life is neither a race or a competition, and there is so much to enjoy that we might miss if we focus on and worry about the wrong things. There's no hurry, and sometimes things are so much sweeter after a long wait. God taught me that through my wait for babies, and he's taught it to me again as I've gotten to know you, my laid back smiley, but oh so full of personality guy. 

You're detail oriented, which is precious as you explore and stare at tiny things, but also exhausting, because you can find things to put in your mouth even right after we vacuum!! 

You hate wearing shoes, but boy oh boy do you love to play with (and try to chew on) them! Dadda and I joked about just getting you a pair of adult sneakers for your birthday. The squeals of joy when you manage to crawl to the pile of shoes by the front door without being intercepted are beyond precious. 

You are finally getting interested in food-who would have thought that the baby who we had to fight for for months to nurse well would be content with it solely for so long! You reaaaaaally love your pears, though, and often want to try whatever mama has-though I rarely have let you so far. I bet when you get those molars, you're gonna go to town on whatever you can! 

Declan, I love so many many things about you, from your wild and crazy red hair, your Dadda's beautiful blue eyes that sparkle back at me when you smile, the pride on your face when you do something new (right now it's pulling to stand!), all the way to your chubby toes, but there is one gift of you that stands out from the rest: 

The way you and your sister love each other. It's beyond my dreams and hopes, and the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Every morning when it's time to get her up, I look at you and say "Declan, are you ready to get your Lexi?" And your face lights up. I set you down outside her room, and you crawl in squealing as you hear her voice. I love when you two play quietly, the squeals and laughs when you wrestle, and the way you miss her when she's not around. Sometimes you crawl to her room and bang on her door after she's in bed. 

And yes, you are Mama's Boy.  

You love Sissy and Dadda, but boy howdy if you don't call for your Mamama! A bajillion times a day, and if any tears don't immediately stop in my arms. And I love it. I love your hand on my cheek or stroking my arm while you nurse, the sneak attack kiss, and the hugs so tight my heart might burst. 

I love you, my fluffy Duckling, and I'm so thankful to be your mama and excited for all the fun ahead. 

Ladybug Girl, Age Two.

How is it you're already turning two years old? It was mere moments ago I felt you wiggling inside me, wasn't it? Seems like I just saw your sweet face the first time, seconds after you met the world, before the cord that connected us was even cut. How is it that our first nursing was two years ago, and our last five months ago? That primal moment when you were fresh from my womb and I kissed your head and smelled your hair and knew you were *mine*, and all I had waited for. I can still smell that moment if I close my eyes. I hope I always can.  

Alexandra, Lexi, Lil Bug, Peanut, Cookie. You answer to so many names, because your Mama is fond of nicknames, and that's fine with you. You are the sweetest, most affectionate, tender soul I've ever met, and your capacity to love others and bring Joy and sunshine into their lives astounds me. You love openly, freely, without reservation or fear of rejection,  and it inspires me to love more like you, because even at barely two, you love like Jesus. You were fifteen months old when I was first told how a baby was crying in the nursery and you ran to find a toy to comfort her. Daily you sweep me away with not only being the cuddliest cuddle bug this cuddly mama ever dreamed, but capable of the sweetest moments of spontaneous affection I've ever experienced. I love when you reach up and pull my face down  to kiss, or when we are at the park and you stick your face between bars and pucker up until i meet you there. Everyone who knows you knows you are the sweetest and most joyful child ever, and I'm so glad and blessed beyond words to get to be the primary beneficiary of that! 

You are two, and even you have some rebellion and sass in you. I'm praying for wisdom and strength to know when and how to discipline you, because I'm a softy, and you are terribly sensitive. I'm learning daily what battles to pick, and how when you seem you be extra mischievous, you're really just asking for more attention and focus. I'm learning as you learn, Sweet Bug, and we will be patient with each other. 

As I have always dreamed, but never dared actually ask God, you are the ultimate girly girl. You love having your hair done, particularly in "Baid" (braids) and ask daily for some of mama's makeup. Your favorites are,  "Bip?" (lipstick), "cheek?" (Blush stick) , and "pahko!" (Sparkle eyeshadow). I love it. You get so excited about new clothes and shoes and I laugh when you strut and dance around because you feel pretty. I love the humongous grin showing all your teeth and sparkle in those green eyes when I tell you are the most beautiful. Because you are, my love, inside and out. 

You're learning so quickly, and sometimes I realize that I can try to direct and focus what you learn, but you are gonna pick up and run with concepts I never even concieved of! I have been working on colors with you, and you're getting there, but yesterday you picked up a white crayon and announced "WHITE!" My jaw dropped, because, though I've read color books with you over and over, *I* have never taught you white. Now you show me that crayon over and over to impress me. You like making your Dadda and I proud, and I hope we do a good job of letting you know how proud we are of who you are every step along the way. I love watching you learn and grow and develop new skills. 

You definitely inherited the music gene, probably mostly from Dadda, but I hope a little from me too. You love to sing and play instruments, and I love to listen. Lately you've been very into me singing to you during cuddles, and also having me sing silly songs for you to dance to. I love making those memories with you. 

Watching you with your dolls and with babies you meet, I see clearly that you are very nurturing and maternal. When we gave you your baby penguin plush the other day, your first instinct was to lift your shirt and nurse it.  I'm so excited to see your loving and tender self as a big sister soon. You will be so sweet and helpful and love the baby so much! You already like to kiss my belly. You like to tell me also that you are gonna be a big sister like Elsa! 

 We don't watch a ton of TV, but you are passionate about the few things we do watch. You love Blue's Clues, Color Crew, Clifford, Daniel Tiger, Frozen, and of course, Gobble Gobble! (free birds). I love watching you enjoy these characters and sing and dance along.

Your favorite books are, "Little Blue Truck", its sequel, all the Ladybug Girl books, all your Sesame Street books, your word books that we use to practice talking, and most of all, your bible. You ask for it constantly and also carry around my first bible, a white New Testament given to me in 1986. I pray you'll always be so passionate and connected to God's word. 

Our family has really enjoyed the Zoo this year so far, and I look forward to many more trips! You especially enjoy the prairie dogs, Bears, tigers, cheetahs, budgies, Penguins, and all the animals you can feed and pet. 

Lexi Bella, I could go on about you forever. I am so honored to be your mama, and watch you grow, and teach you new things. This next year is going to be a new adventure, but I know it's going to be wonderful to adventure with you, my heart.  I love you.