Walks are for kids, and finally setting a major goal date

Tuesday  I worked out four times. I did my JM, walked 3.4 mi, 37m yoga, and 40 min on the bike. While I was walking, I made a decision. The walks cannot, for now at least, have any agenda other than  giving the kids what they need-whether its Declan needing a nap, all of us heading to the park, or just some fresh air. There are two to three other times in the day right now when mama's workout has to come first, (though I'm hoping to get to the point when I'm getting all that done before they get up), and that time needs to be about them. It counts as exercise for me, obviously, but I can't set my agenda for it, because the kids will need something different from day to day. 

My fitness will improve, and with it my pace and therefore distance, but that has to just be gravy. This should also help me reduce overtraining, which is a struggle for me, and with the delicate balance my mental health is in right now, I can't afford it. 

I also finally put a date on my biggest  external fitness goal. I want my abs by my 35th birthday. That's just under 11 months, and I don't know if it's gonna happen-because I've never actually had abs... But I'm gonna try my very best while still living my life. I'm gonna have dessert sometimes, I'm gonna have sushi and fried chicken on occasion. I'm gonna eat clean and real food most of the time and train like no tomorrow. I'll never be one of those women who can eat whatever I want and not work out, but I am the woman who will reap rewards of hard work and not deprive myself of living life. 

This is a good thing to remind myself of as we head to the beach next week, because I fully intend to EAT and have no regrets-and also to go for lots of ways and do lots of yoga. Balance, Yo. 

Approaching a Waypoint

I couldn't really think of the right word, so that'll have to do. I'm having a slow start due to Anxhaustion (this is my new word that just sums it all up-anxiety caused by exhaustion that creates more exhaustion, creating more anxiety. Yay.) but I'm going to write while I drink my coffee and my workout will absolutely still happen. And yoga too. Annnnnywaaaaay...

We leave for vacation three weeks from tomorrow! I'm SO looking forward to this trip, to play with Lexi in the waves, to introduce Declan to the beach, to relax and eat good food (hopefully resist too much of the stuff that tastes good but isn't...), to spend unscheduled unpressured time with some of my favorite people, and get a good dose of vitamin D. 

It also marks my first concrete goal. I want to be able to fit comfortably and aesthetically, my size 6 jeans and capris. I think I'll be able to, also. I tried them on yesterday, and they buttoned and zipped just fine, though they were muffin toppy and not ideal around the middle. Nothing that didn't seem within the realm of 3 weeks of hard work though. This is a big exciting deal for me, because getting into those pants means that I'm one size away from my smallest ever, and that puts my goal of size four jeans by the end of BodyShred (late October) within reach. Once I get those size four jeans, a very big part of my fitness journey will be past, and a new, exciting, and challenging one will continue and come to the forefront. Ropes n Guns n Abs, baybeeee! 

The past few weeks I've found myself frustrated by what I can't do, or can't do without modifying in my Jillian Michaels workouts. In most of the (non body Revolution) workouts I do of hers, I do the advanced version of almost every move. Now, I'm in level 3 of Killer Arms and Back as well as Killer Abs, and there are some moves in both I just flat out can't do, and even modified is like WHAa?  That's hard. So, I can definitely see that when I finish my first round of BodyShred (probably having to modify a TON) my focus the next time through is going to be being Able to actually DO more. I'm trying to coach myself now to not get discouraged, because I know it's gonna be SO hard, from day 1, and I will have to improvise on a lot of the cardio the first round, because plyo is not the best plan for me, but I'm going to do this, I'm going to get stronger, and I'm going to conquer, just like I always have. 3.5 years ago I had never done a push up on my toes, now I can crank out sets of 25. I can do this. 

Today is my last Killer Abs workout of this round, and Monday I start 3 weeks of Killer Body, and I'll pick up one more week of that after Vacation before starting Bodyshred. I've previewed the upper body workout for Killer Body, and holy Push ups! Yeah I'm gonna be humbled by this, but how awesome will it be in future rounds to see how far I've come? 

As much as I've felt frustrated and defeated along the way, and I know I may feel that way again, I'm really proud that I haven't given up. Through the PPDA, the exhaustion, the nursing challenges and pumping around the clock, the kids waking up too early, through mornings like this one where I feel like I can't get off the couch, where the fear of unknown bad is paralyzingly me, I haven't quit fighting for my health, mental, physical, spiritual, emotional. And I won't. 

I'm gonna address something here that I don't talk about much. I know I could take meds and the PPDA would probably be a non factor, or at least less of one, but the effect that meds have had on my body in other ways makes that just not the right choice for me. I've never been able to shed fat or even maintain a healthy weight when on antidepressants. It's not just vanity either. My PCOS is worse in every way when I am heavier. My cycle doesn't exist, I have painful cysts, migraines, and more. I will work my tail off in exercise and eating good food and using oils and supplements-all more effort, all requiring consistency, but long term, a better solution for me. I haven't fully ruled out some talk therapy though. Updates on this part of my journey as they come. 

Finally making progress and yoga goals

So, I'm finally seeing progress and changes in my body externally. I'm a little afraid to jinx it but I do believe my goal of fitting into my size six jeans by vacation is  within reach! 

Current status: size 8 jeans fit fine, size 8 skinny jeans are a leeeetle muffin toppy, but they are the most unforgiving pants I've ever owned so pbbbbt! Haha! Naw, but they will look great soon. 

I'm not seeing on the scale quite yet, and that could partly be because it's a new scale, and partly because I'm focusing so much on gaining muscle. I dunno. I only really care about the scale as it relates to how much I should be eating. With that in mind, I'll probably knock my calories down by 50 pretty soon, and after vacation, another 50, or more based on whatever change I see on the scale. 

Ohhh I'm a bit nervous about vacation...how am I gonna stay on track without driving the boys nuts? I know I'm gonna do yoga and go for walks, but intensity isn't gonna be the same. Recovery will be good, but I also have to be mindful of what's going in! 

I'm doing pretty well at reigniting my yoga practice. I have so far to go, but so far I'm really enjoying making time for mindfulness and getting to know my body all over. I have recently pinpointed some goals, and I'll be adding more soon I'm sure. 

-crow pose: so far I have managed *once* to hold the pose for about 1.5 seconds. So I really want to begin mastery of this. 

-Shoulder stand-I want to be able to hold this and move it into- 

-Plow. I'd love to be able to reach my feet back to the floor. 

-Chaturanga- this is something I'm going to be working on for awhile I think. I am doing tricep push-ups and really trying to develop this, and I'll be workshop ping it alongside crow. 

More to come!!!

First Goal Day!!! Except...not.

So, my period came on Saturday! Yay! And also, Awwwww. ☹️ today was gonna be the day my size 8 jeans were gonna fit, and my measurements were gonna show the payoff, but now I'm all bloated and cranky and tired and I'm just not going to do all that today. In two weeks, I'll do it (pretty much no chance of this happening then!) and hopefully not only will my size 8 jeans fit then, but also my size 8 skinnies! (I'll admit the skinnies feel like a longshot, because they are a brutal pair of pants that are good at making me feel depressed, but that's ok, cuz in 5 mos when it's jeans weather again, God willing they will be in my rear view!) that's the goal I've got my eye on now. 

My scale is coming today, and I will weigh myself to make sure I don't weigh way less than I think (Hahahaha) but after that I'm going to be really committed to only weighing myself on Monday mornings, and to relying on my physical abilities, well bang, and jean size to be my measurements of success. The scale is just a measure to help me know how much to eat. 

Because of my period, I stayed in bed with D today (he's gonna get his molars sometime in the next m...who knows, so he's nursing constantly) and I haven't started my workout-it's almost 930. Ugh. 

I'm super nervous about doing workout 5, because when I went they this part almost a year ago it was the hardest level for me! But I'm so much stronger now, so I know I'll surprise myself! 

I am probably gonna wait till next week to add in cycle, partly because we haven't tuned up the bike, and mostly cuz just doing JMBR is gonna be a challenge during my period. 

Ending Phase 1, new toys, big plans, and missing the plyo

Today was the last day of phase 1 of this round of JMBR. It's about to get real, y'all.  Workouts 5 & 7 are crazy intense, and it's gonna be a challenge mentally as well as physically to push through and overcome. This round, though, has already been full of victories, and in stark contrast to previous ones. I remember during my first round, when Lexi was 7 mos old, giving up In tears halfway through workout 3. Yesterday, my last time through that one, I used heavier weights than everyone in the DVDs on every exercise and did more reps than them on almost everything. 

I'm not sure what my measurement/size results will be this Monday, but I do know progress is happening, and at some point soon, the results will have to show. I kinda feel like they already are, though. I might be holding some water, but if I can shed that, (and hopefully have a period!) I think I'll really see changes. I feel like my face is still pudgier than it should be, but we'll see. 

Something I have noticed about the way I've written about this journey is that as I go along, I learn more and more about what's important to include as reference for the future. I've never really talked about how I adjust my calorie intake, and that's gonna change! Because yesterday I spent way too long playing sleuth and figuring it out. So, just like in fall 2013, I've started at 1600 net calories. I've  bought a new scale, and with every 5 lb decrease, (assuming I started at 180)  I'll reduce calorie intake by 50 calories, until I get to the last ten lbs, at which point I will incrementally increase calories until I'm at a level that should have me losing 1 lb a week instead of 2. When I hit 150 I'll slowly start increasing calories until I'm at a maintenance level. I've never been there before! Maintenance for 150 is like 2000 calories. That's bonkers on days I cycle...which brings me to...

Scott got me a spin bike! With our plans to put a power rack and bench in the garage, as well as the gym being less convenient right now, getting this and cancelling our gym membership seemed like the best choice. We got a great deal in it, and since it's kinda old, I'll be doing some research to choose its replacement when it's time. I'm super excited to be able to get a ride in anytime now, and that a long ride will only take up an hour of my time instead of two, with all the time getting to and from class. I'll miss my amfam family, but I imagine we will be back, at a different season. My plan is to work up to two hardcore hour long rides per week, and two 30 minute freestyle cardio rides. 

I've got my workouts planned out through pretty much the next year. I've got some long term goals - ABS!- and I've put a lot of thought into what it's gonna take to reach them. So, I'm gonna finish JMBR, then do the Killer Series, then Killer Body, and right at the end of September, start Body Shred again! I'll follow up with the BS master trainer series, then another round of both those, then killer series, then BS round 3, followed up by master trainers. That will bring me right up to my 35th birthday, at which point I gosh darn better have amazing abs for the first time ever, if not before. 

One thing I'm still kinda chewing over is plyo. BR has lots of it, BS has even more. I'm hoping that my foot heals enough that by September when I start bodyshred I'll be able to not modify. Until I am consistently waking up pain free, though, I have to play it safe, take my supplements, wear my compression, and be patient. 

Guess that's it for now! I'll be posting a goal check in on Monday with pictures, measurements, and thoughts going forward! 

Fitness stuff.

I just finished my first full week of JMBR for this round (my 5th!!) and I'm feeling good! We've been going for long walks too, and I'm definitely gaining strength and improving conditioning that way too. My foot does bug me a bit first thing in the morning though, and I think I need to start babying it again a bit. I'm not stopping my workouts though. No can do. 

With D still in our bed, (blogs about the transition will be many) it's a bit tricky to find time to work out, but it's got me starting my workout between 6:30-6:45 in the morning, and that's pretty awesome. I'm also introducing a new type of low impact cardio to my life, and I'll share more about that later. 

I really love and miss yoga, and am hoping to work at least a short yoga session back into most days, and have a whole yoga "recovery" period planned after JMBR is done. 

I just wanna be ripped, y'all. Shredded. Like really bad. Ropes n Guns n Abs. I saw a picture of myself two years ago this week, and it lit a fire under me. The tricky thing is I'm nursing D a ton still, and I won't be weaning him, so once again, I've gotta make this happen while nursing. 

We are back on track with eating real food, for the most part, anyway. Pirate's booty has its claws in me. Blargh. Need to work back into daily green smoothies to keep my belly full so I don't get super hungry at 4 pm. 

We threw out the scale, which is a wonderful thing. It will allow me to focus more on what my body can do, and let the measure of progress be performance and how my clothes fit. 

Goals: 

Long term: I want to buy size 4 jeans in September. I think it's doable. I went down 4 sizes between when Lexi was 14 mos and 18 mos, and I'm trying to do 3 sizes between 13 and 18 mos (or even close to 19-just by the end of September!) this time.

 

Slightly shorter: I want to wear my size 4 capris (or even my shorts!) on vacation in August. We leave 19 weeks from

tomorrow. 

Size 8 jeans: 5/2

Size 8 skinnies: 5/16

Size 6 jeans: 6/27

Size 4 capris or shorts: 8/15

Six weeks per size seems very doable to me if I can stay consistent. Honestly, once I find my groove, it should be smooth sailing. The key is to just keep swimming! 

I see so many people doing detoxes, cleanses, taking supplements, and shakes, looking for a quick fix, and I just wish for them that they could find the peace and patience to do it the right way, with moving their bodies and plenty of real food. You have to do what works for you, obviously, but I've tried all those things and the results don't last, and you just end up less healthy and more unhappy.  It took me years to find my inner badass and fall in love with fitness and real food, but I'm here now and I want to bring my friends!

Inspiration from Siri

So maybe you've seen the suggestion to "ask Siri to beatbox". Maybe you've tried it. If you haven't, go ahead, I'll wait. 

(If you aren't an Apple user, she says "here's what I've been working on: catsandbootsandcatsandbootsandcatsandboots. I could do this all day. Catsandbootsandcatsandbootsandcats..") 

This morning I was texting Scott my feelings about my body, about wanting to be and look less chubby and more strong,and how I wanted my guns back. And my abs. Then I heard the chant in my head: 

Gunsandabsandgunsandabsandgunsandabsandgunsandabsandguns.

Funny, silly, and strangely motivating. Obviously I can't spot reduce, and I'm working up to three cycle classes a week by next month to get more cardio, especially while it's too cold to walk outside regularly, but those are my external goals, the Guns will emerge first, but eventually I will see my abs, and hopefully sooner than later. 

I might even make a few signs to keep me motivated. 

I do have some more concrete goals for progress. I'd like to be wearing:

Size 8 jeans by 2/15 (4.5 weeks) 

Size 8 skinny jeans by 3/1 (7 weeks) 

Size 6 jeans by 4/1 (11.5 weeks)

Size 4 crops/shorts by my birthday (24.5 weeks) 

Update: I'm loving PiYo. It's kicking my butt, and I really struggle with keeping up, but I do think I'm already improving. I can see myself returning to it for years to come, as a break for my joints for a couple months, as a way to switch up and keep my body guessing, I love it. I really hope to see some results soon, now that the holiday food is gone. 

Also- I'm transitioning to drinking my coffee bulletproof-blending it with vanilla, stevia, coconut oil, and soon ghee, to give my body some healthy fats to fuel and start the day with! So far I love it, and I have more energy. I'll keep updating with other changes! 

Starting 2016

Happy New Year! Like most folks, I've got some things I want to accomplish this year. I'm still kinda trying to get my mindset sorted out, because I don't want to strive for things I can't control and end up disappointed and discouraged (Hello Summer 2015!). 

I've written about my general goals on my mama blog (http://crunchyvida.blogspot.com/2016/01/happy-new-year-here-what-i-aiming-for.html?m=1), but here I want to be a bit more specific about my fitness goals. 

First, lets be totally real and honest here- I want results I can see in the mirror and how my clothes fit. I want to be back in my lil bitty shorts by the time it's hot enough to wear them. I want to be in my size 8 jeans (one size down) by the end of February, 6's by the end of April, and those 4's by my birthday. I want my guns back. I want to be back at the part of my journey where fat and sizes aren't a factor and I'm just getting stronger, more agile, increasing stamina. Obviously all that is part of the journey now too, but what I didn't expect was how hard it was going to be mentally and emotionally to be 3 sizes back from where I worked so hard to be in addition to the physical recovery of having a baby, which had been complicated for me by some serious PPD. 

So what are my actual goals, since I have only moderate control of how fast I get the stuff I just said I want? 

Consistency. This is the biggest factor, especially as Declan transitions to solid food over the coming months and we move, and transition him to his own room, and all the challenges and good stuff those changes will bring. I have to work out consistently, 6 days a week,and eat to fuel my body. 

Momentum. I worked out this morning, and it was flipping brutal. I got very bad sleep last night due to Teefers McSoremouth (3 teeth in the past 10 days and at least one more coming) and I haven't worked out since early December. I don't want to feel like I do right now again. If I am consistently challenging and building, I will gain momentum to achieve more and more. 

This last goal is trickier to describe- I want daily victories. I want to notice my muscles popping, my face shape changing, being able to go deeper on a move, sprint longer in cycle class. I want payoff. 

And I want my size 4 jeans in the fall.