Thursday, September 22, 2011

Inspiration from my Mama

I worry. a lot. about many things. most of these worries are unnecessary. that said, lately i have 2 main fears/worries: a) that all this trying to have a baby is gonna end in heartache and b)if i do get pregnant it's going to be high risk and i'll have to stop my workouts and i'll lose all the ground i've gained in my fitness this year. i've no real reason or concrete basis for either of these fears, it's just that i can't see the answer or control them that drives me mad. i shared all this with my mother the other day, and she responded with this story. (quotes are my memory and may not be verbatim- sorry Mama.)

 What you just said reminds me of when i was taking a Calculus test once. i was sitting there, staring at the problem on the paper and thinking. and i kept staring at it. The teacher came over and asked me what i was doing. i told him i was thinking. He said i that i had to put pencil to paper and start solving it, one step at a time. i'd never see the answer at the start, but what i had to do was put pencil to paper and do what comes next.

So that was her advice to me. Don't feel stuck because i can't see the answer to my worries from where i sit now-my job right now is to keep putting pencil to paper and doing what comes next every single day. WOW. so simple, but for me, so VERY profound. and exactly what i needed to hear.
THANKS MAMA!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Friday, September 16, 2011

kicking butt, new interests, icky drugs, and- WHAT? 30 pounds GONE????

it's been a busy and crazy and awesome and partially sick couple weeks! ok, once again it's been awhile so i'll try and sum up what's been going on as best i can without boring details.
 Icky drugs
the day following my last post i had a doctor's appt in which my doc and i discussed the pregnancy situation and made a roadmap to move forward- hopefully with some results. well the first leg of the journey from that point on was 10 days of Provera to get things movin. UGH! i felt ok if kinda feverish over the weekend- and that was Irene weekend, so i had a decent excuse not to make it to Cycle that saturday. i also missed my monday workout due to just plain feelin crappy, but i forced myself to go on Tuesday because i really really don't want to lose this awesome momentum i am gaining. i'm glad i went, and proud of what i accomplished, but MAN was it a rough morning! it went like this- i get to the gym and start doing my floor work. a set of 20 ct bicycle crunches goes jsut fine, but as soon as i start doing front/lateral raises with 7.5 lb weights, i start sweating, heart starts racing, and the room starts spinning. scary! i struggled through the rest of my floor work and weights that way, but it felt borderline stupid. then i went into Cycle- this time with Lisa. i think class started pretty well,and idefinitely felt stronger than i hsd my first week of cycle- i pretty much always feel an inch from death in cycle class- but in a good way.  at about the 40 min mark i was not feeling it in a good way- i was pretty sure i was gonna pass out, fall off the bike, and in doing so also puke and injure myself somehow. i pushed a bit longer then at 44 min i had to get off that bike and get out of there. i t was not good how i felt and God willing i'll never feel that way again. i went home that day with a solid 2h workout behind me but a large sense of frustration because i know that if not for the drugs i coulda done more. fast forward 8 days till that medicine was out of my system and i felt human enough to hit the gym again. strength training fist as usual, then Cycle with Shelle- now, i have had a number of cycle instructors (s/o to Ashley, Dee, Susan, Lisa, Kathi, and Shelle!) and Shelle is the toughest by far in my opinion- but this is good- i need the push! Just...it was a bit much for my first day back after being so sick and doing literall nothing but play video games and watch TV for a week. i made it through 36 min and bailed. when i did i told myself it was ok, but starting on saturday i was going to finish every ride from here out- even if i had to take breaks from following the instructor's cues.
 Kicking Butt
y'know what? i HAVE! my next class was saturday, and i finished the whole 45 min ride and followed almost all of Kathi's cues.Monday was a mass of strength training (about 90 min) followed by a 33 min run on the elliptical. maybe it';s a phase i'm in, but i am so over the elliptical right now. maybe cuz cycle is making me pretty much permasore and it's just not a mentally stimulating workout, i dunno. not feelin it the past few weeks.anyhoooooo. Tuesday i did the strength thing again and then headed to cycle class to see what Lisa had in store. i've started getting to the studio early to warm up and sneak a few extra minutes into my workout, so in the end my ride on tuesday was a rockin, rollin, leg burnin 67 min/25.1 miles. I FINISHED! YAAAAAAY ME!

 New interests! (and more Kicking Butt)
then, because i had told Kathi i would, and because i really wanted to break a fear barrier, i went to Basic Yoga class with Kathi. i'd practiced a teeny bit of yoga on my own a few years ago, but i was heading in basically a clean slate. ( the little i knew going in helped me know generally what poses are called which helps). here is a link to a post someone else wrote about the class-if you look at the pics, i'm in a few- in hot pink of course! :-) i loved the class, love Kathi, and am SO going to be there every week!  Wed was my last midweek rest day for the forseeable future- i think-but i got right back into it on thursday- strength training, then cycle with Shelle again- SO hard, but i finished and finished strong! Shelle's style is more challenging than the others, but i still love her class- then immediately following cycle i had Yoga with- Shelle!!! i was nervous- is her yoga practice style as intense ans her cycle style? oh thank heavens no- it was challenging, but still soooo relaxing and full of good mind/body connection. at this point i'm pretty sure i'm addicted to yoga.  Today i got to the gym a little late after waking up slowly with scott, and only did about half my planned strength work before scuttling down to the locker room, changing, and hopping in the pool for my first swim since JUNE! (ok maybe July 1, but still!) i'm not gonna lie- the second thru 8th lengths were a struggle, but judging from the few time checks i made, my lap time is still about what it was in late june. that was cool to see. i did 36 lengths/laps (i always count a lap as there and back but it seems most folks don't) then hopped back out to change- i had budgeted more time than needed for all this changing, so i'm likely gonna strength train longer before i swim after this. Then it was time for Yoga! yes! more YOGA! this time it was with Kim, who i'd never seen nor met before, but who had a very nice style of guiding our practice and i am looking forward to more yoga with her.  i also think i am going to practice my Tree/dancer/full warrior poses more outside class so i can not topple during every balance move.  Tomorrow is Cycle again- either with Ashley or Kathi, and as it;s the one workout a week i dhare with Scott, it;s extra exciting! oh. one more thing...
SAY WHAT?
We have a milestone crossed here people! i weighed myself yesterday, and after so much hard work, i have weighed in at 179.4lbs. this means 2 things: a) i have lost over 30 lbs! and b) i am OVER halfway to my  goal!!!! YAAAAAAY *confetti*
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