Progress! Finally!

I bought this dress years ago, thinking i'd wear it when i felt comfortable in it. well i finally do, but i'm not sure if i'm ready to wear it yet. here are pics. it;s a size 12, which i have not worn in at least 3 years. :-)

Intervals Part Deux, and thoughts on my program

after sleeping on it and waking (at 6 AM!!) with no discomfort or soreness in my ankles at all, i'm thinking i'll keep going with my endurance building interval training. i'm going to start taking Glucosamine soon and s long as i'm careful, i should be fine. Also need to learn and become familiar with the difference between soreness and pain- i mean, my ankles hurt while i run, yes, but they are also getting stronger in theory, which is something i really want. hopefully these runs will help me accomplish that. So WOOOO! :-D
Secondly, i've worked and reworked my training program on paper more times than i can count. particularly this week. (one could argue that if i'd spent the time i was thinking and planning actually working out i'd be better off- and they'd be right!) i need to figure out the smartest and most effective way to work out. i really do think interval training is key. keeping the heart rate up and burning max calories while i tone is super important. so that will be my focus, especially in the short term. the Biggest Loser Last Chance Workout is interval based, and doesnt let up, so YAY! i think the key isn't to spend more time working out neccesarily, but to make the time i do spend count. 2-3 hours a day of working smart can be just as effective as 6 hours working moderately hard.
all that said, i should get dressed and start my day! Woo!

intervals

tonight i tried something new at the gym. i did an interval program on the treadmill. i lasted 10 min on an program of 3-6mph. i am really split on my opinion on it. on one hand it felt AWESOME! i wanted to keep running and running- but here's the problem: my ankles hurt badly after that 10 min and they still kinda do. i dunno if this is the kind of thing that will get better or if i'm just gonna get more and more sore if i keep it up. i don't want to make it so i can't run at all even on the elliptical, but at the same time i loved the intensity of that workout. thoughts? Please?

thoughts

Feeling uneasy about workout plans. I know they are doable. I have got to push myself because as things are I'm getting almost no results. I'm sick n tired of sick n tired. I literally have to treat working out like a job and the paycheck is feeling and looking better. I've embraced this philosophy successfully before, why am I struggling now? 2-3 hours of the 16 I'm awake each day is not too much to invest in my well being. Have got to DO this!

Medications

This falls into a category slightly more personal than i usually share on here, but it's relevant. I've been struggling with my weight off and on since i was 12- it's no new thing. I've successfully lost about 4/5 of my weight twice before, in 03 and 05. i have not however lost it successfully since my miscarriage in 06. part of this is about perseverance, priorities, etc. I've never really stuck with it long enough to get out of the 190's, which usually takes me 2-4 weeks (oh yes, I've started a number of times...) and never gotten further than that while on my birth control and antidepressants. a few weeks ago i stopped taking the latter because someone had convinced me that it was part of the cause of my weight issue. i was contemplating going off the pill too. now, PCOS has no medical treatments specifically for it- we kinda borrow from other illnesses and mix and match based on symptoms and needs. the way my doctor and i are managing mine is through the two medications i mentioned above, as well as diet and exercise. it's the most low maintenance way to do it, and works well for me because though i display most symptoms of PCOS, the most dangerous ones i display mildly- let's face it, my facial hair is not hurting anything but my pride, my migraines become less frequent all the time, and my weight is a mild issue compared to many women with PCOS who can't get below 250. as evidenced by my pregnancy in 06, i don't have a fertility problem, i have an ovulation problem, which proves to be solved by diet and exercise. birth control regulates my irregular period, and the combination of the BC with the antidepressants normalize my depression/anxiety disorder. so, yeah. maybe not the smartest thing to drop the two things that are the only medical involvement i have going on to treat this illness. I'm fairly healthy now (other than the things I've listed plus fatigue and pelvic pain from the cysts and the fact that I'm 40 lbs overweight)but this disease is no joke. just by having it i am at exponentially higher risk for all the female cancers and type 2 diabetes. these reasons, and the desire i have to be a mother and a healthy one at that are the reasons i am losing this weight knowing all that, i researched the meds I'm supposed to be taking and found they actually contribute to weight loss according to studies and the lady who told me otherwise was wacko. so, all that to day I've gone back on my meds and am gonna look at them as what they are-tools to help me on my journey.

better than nothing.

ok. so i didn't do my dvd today. i did go to the gym though (and ran 4.2 miles in 32 min on the elliptical). Scott and i have a new rule. monday through friday my first priority is to get my dvd done. if i do this and feel like an additional run would be overkill-i'm allowed to skip the gym. however- if i have not done my DVD by the time he gets home from work- guess what? i HAVE to go to the gym. this way i am guaranteed a workout and i won't lose momentum. it might not be the hardcore workout i'd planned for that day, but- it's better than nothing.

At War

This morning i find myself at war...with myself. part of me is so driven and motivated to shed this fat, and the other is pissed that because of my disease (PCOS) it;s not happening the way i want it to. this comes in two parts. the PCOS causes a messed up metabolism in general, which makes everything harder, and it also causes extreme fatigue. the second part is the thorn in my side right now. I'm ready for a nap pretty much all the time. now- last week i got up at 6 every day M-F and had a great workout m-w and would have the other 2 days but for my knee injury (more on that in a moment) then Saturday we got up and went for that 2 hour 5 mile hike and holy crap was it both exhilarating and really tough. since then, though, I've just been wiped out. no workout Monday, Tuesday all i managed was cardio at the gym (which was nothing to sneeze at- 50 min elliptical run= 7 miles even) Wed i tried the Biggest Loser Last Chance Workout. it was the hardest workout I've ever done (and am about to do it again). i couldn't even finish the 25 min of intervals. now, it;s debatable whether i gave up too easy- i probably did, but holy crap was it tougher than expected. yesterday, sore and sleepy and dejected, i took the day off. BAD! i went to bed on time last night and slept pretty well. i did not get up on time today (something which, as simple as it is, i think is key)and i made the mistake of stepping on the scale. BAD! I'm actually- not surprisingly- up 2 lbs from my Monday weight in- because it;s the middle of the week and I'm bloated and sore. i need to not weigh in unless it is weigh in day. not to mention the fact that the scale lies. what i weigh and the shape of my body are rarely something that match up. i mean, i do not LOOK like i weigh 196 lbs. most people would guess around 175. second, i have and am probably putting on- a lot of muscle. in weight loss one cannot forget this exchange. muscle weights more than fat, and i have a lot of it. this is my third time losing this weight- and the last- and i therefore have more muscle on me and less fat to lose than the people on BL that i look to for inspiration. I'm realizing again as i type this that this is my journey. nobody else's. i can't measure my success by anyone else's results, because they are not me. i have the motivations, i have the need to within me, i just need the stamina to look and think and feel past the fatigue and the pain and look at where i am going and how many lives can be toughed by my story and the success that will come even though I'll have had to push *that much* harder to get there. I've got friends with PCOS who have been fighting this battle too and i bet that seeing me persevere through this can help them find the strength and the courage to do it too. WE CAN DO THIS! *I* CAN DO THIS! its gonna hurt, and it;s gonna be hard, but it;s gonna be worth it.