i'm BACK BAYBEE!

so, i went back to the gym on thursday- which was step one in getting my program back on track. that day i did all my strength work, but headed home before cycle cuz i just didn't feel ready. the hardest part was trusting my gut and not beating myself up all day.  Friday, however, i returned full force! i did every set and rep of my strength work, hopped in the pool, knocked out my 40 lengths, hopped out, dried off then did an hour of yoga with Kim. :-) kim always likes to crank it up and challenge us, and this was no exception-we worked on Warrior III for probably a solid 10 min. i used to be intimidated by Kim, but now i am really starting to appreciate her for helping me challenge myself! Saturday we went to cycle, and Though she *said* she'd go easy on us, by the end, even Kathi had to admit she'd worked us hard! It was Zumba Party in Pink day (i lent scott a tee, and i don't think i'm getting it back!) and, since one of my friends saw me checking it out, i ended up taking part in the last 20 min or so of the Zumbathon! it was my first Zumba, and it was fun, but probably not going to dethrone cycle as my Go-to cardio- might throw it in once in awhile to surprise the muscles though.

                                                      yeah my eyes are closed but look at all the pink!

Today went much like friday- cranked out the strength work, which was slightly lighter on the abs and buns since i knew Krisit would take care of me in those areas in Pilates, then, in Pilates, i finally felt like i wasn't wasting my time! i've done a lot of pilates over the years, and i was initially- for a few weeks- frustrated with the gap between my expectations of a pilates  class and the way Kristi teaches- no longer. today i truly enjoyed the whole class, and am really looking forward to next week. Finally, came the icing on my monday workout cake! Gentle Yoga with Shelle! i love this class, and how totally relaxed i feel coming out of it . Tonight i'm going back for another helping- Yin Yoga with Shelle at 7 pm!

pencil to paper update #1

it's been a cuckoo crazy couple weeks. lotsa thoughts to share.
1. the fertility drugs were a no-go last month. i'm mostly ok about that, because i know God's got this, and i can be patient. the hard part was having to take the Provera again. but, i'm on the other side of that, and tomorrow i start the Clomid.
2. i haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks (13 days.)  i haven't been slacking, it's just been a forced 2 days for impact, being sick when we got home, and then the provera for the past week. tomorrow i'm heading back and i'm gonna rock it out. i've also been thinking that i can't think of getting pregnant as something that is for sure going to change things in the fitness arena- i think i need to be determined not to let it unless the doctor says i need to chill (which, knowing him, is unlikely.) because if i start making excuses for myself early on, i'm never gonna reach or maintain what i want. i have hated being a bum the past 2 weeks, but to be honest, i;ve started to adjust to it, and that SCARES me! so, here is my resolution: NO skipped workouts, period- unless the gym is closed that day, i have to go. i definitely felt like garbage during my most recent workouts, but i still kicked butt, so no excuses!!! i'm a little scared to jump back in tomorrow, because it's my most hardcore workout day of the week, but i absolutely have to.
3. i'm not sure if i've shared this, so here goes. as much as i've been aching and cryin g to have a baby, i'm really conflicted the past month. i feel like i've never been this happy and content and complete in my life. i've fallen in LOVE with my workouts and am healthier than ever, my marriage is the best it's EVER been, i have an incredible church family who loves me, i'm involved in a youth ministry that i see God doing HUGE things in,  my relationships with my siblings, parents, in-laws, etc are the best they've ever been, and we are 2 months from being out of debt. I want to be a mother, but i'm questioning if i want it *right now.* i sometimes feel like i wanna reach my fitness goals and enjoy all we have worked for with getting out of debt before we change everything. The bottom line is, though that i'm not getting any younger, and since fertility is an issue, i don't feel like i have the option of waiting if i want a bio baby. i know that i need to see this Clomid thing through, and if that doesn't work out, then that's the answer, and we move on toward adoption and foster care. above all, i gotta leave it in Hands that are bigger and stronger than my own. :-)

shirt from when i was in HS and size 10 pants.

That is all.

Inspiration from my Mama

I worry. a lot. about many things. most of these worries are unnecessary. that said, lately i have 2 main fears/worries: a) that all this trying to have a baby is gonna end in heartache and b)if i do get pregnant it's going to be high risk and i'll have to stop my workouts and i'll lose all the ground i've gained in my fitness this year. i've no real reason or concrete basis for either of these fears, it's just that i can't see the answer or control them that drives me mad. i shared all this with my mother the other day, and she responded with this story. (quotes are my memory and may not be verbatim- sorry Mama.)

 What you just said reminds me of when i was taking a Calculus test once. i was sitting there, staring at the problem on the paper and thinking. and i kept staring at it. The teacher came over and asked me what i was doing. i told him i was thinking. He said i that i had to put pencil to paper and start solving it, one step at a time. i'd never see the answer at the start, but what i had to do was put pencil to paper and do what comes next.

So that was her advice to me. Don't feel stuck because i can't see the answer to my worries from where i sit now-my job right now is to keep putting pencil to paper and doing what comes next every single day. WOW. so simple, but for me, so VERY profound. and exactly what i needed to hear.
THANKS MAMA!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

kicking butt, new interests, icky drugs, and- WHAT? 30 pounds GONE????

it's been a busy and crazy and awesome and partially sick couple weeks! ok, once again it's been awhile so i'll try and sum up what's been going on as best i can without boring details.
 Icky drugs
the day following my last post i had a doctor's appt in which my doc and i discussed the pregnancy situation and made a roadmap to move forward- hopefully with some results. well the first leg of the journey from that point on was 10 days of Provera to get things movin. UGH! i felt ok if kinda feverish over the weekend- and that was Irene weekend, so i had a decent excuse not to make it to Cycle that saturday. i also missed my monday workout due to just plain feelin crappy, but i forced myself to go on Tuesday because i really really don't want to lose this awesome momentum i am gaining. i'm glad i went, and proud of what i accomplished, but MAN was it a rough morning! it went like this- i get to the gym and start doing my floor work. a set of 20 ct bicycle crunches goes jsut fine, but as soon as i start doing front/lateral raises with 7.5 lb weights, i start sweating, heart starts racing, and the room starts spinning. scary! i struggled through the rest of my floor work and weights that way, but it felt borderline stupid. then i went into Cycle- this time with Lisa. i think class started pretty well,and idefinitely felt stronger than i hsd my first week of cycle- i pretty much always feel an inch from death in cycle class- but in a good way.  at about the 40 min mark i was not feeling it in a good way- i was pretty sure i was gonna pass out, fall off the bike, and in doing so also puke and injure myself somehow. i pushed a bit longer then at 44 min i had to get off that bike and get out of there. i t was not good how i felt and God willing i'll never feel that way again. i went home that day with a solid 2h workout behind me but a large sense of frustration because i know that if not for the drugs i coulda done more. fast forward 8 days till that medicine was out of my system and i felt human enough to hit the gym again. strength training fist as usual, then Cycle with Shelle- now, i have had a number of cycle instructors (s/o to Ashley, Dee, Susan, Lisa, Kathi, and Shelle!) and Shelle is the toughest by far in my opinion- but this is good- i need the push! Just...it was a bit much for my first day back after being so sick and doing literall nothing but play video games and watch TV for a week. i made it through 36 min and bailed. when i did i told myself it was ok, but starting on saturday i was going to finish every ride from here out- even if i had to take breaks from following the instructor's cues.
 Kicking Butt
y'know what? i HAVE! my next class was saturday, and i finished the whole 45 min ride and followed almost all of Kathi's cues.Monday was a mass of strength training (about 90 min) followed by a 33 min run on the elliptical. maybe it';s a phase i'm in, but i am so over the elliptical right now. maybe cuz cycle is making me pretty much permasore and it's just not a mentally stimulating workout, i dunno. not feelin it the past few weeks.anyhoooooo. Tuesday i did the strength thing again and then headed to cycle class to see what Lisa had in store. i've started getting to the studio early to warm up and sneak a few extra minutes into my workout, so in the end my ride on tuesday was a rockin, rollin, leg burnin 67 min/25.1 miles. I FINISHED! YAAAAAAY ME!

 New interests! (and more Kicking Butt)
then, because i had told Kathi i would, and because i really wanted to break a fear barrier, i went to Basic Yoga class with Kathi. i'd practiced a teeny bit of yoga on my own a few years ago, but i was heading in basically a clean slate. ( the little i knew going in helped me know generally what poses are called which helps). here is a link to a post someone else wrote about the class-if you look at the pics, i'm in a few- in hot pink of course! :-) i loved the class, love Kathi, and am SO going to be there every week!  Wed was my last midweek rest day for the forseeable future- i think-but i got right back into it on thursday- strength training, then cycle with Shelle again- SO hard, but i finished and finished strong! Shelle's style is more challenging than the others, but i still love her class- then immediately following cycle i had Yoga with- Shelle!!! i was nervous- is her yoga practice style as intense ans her cycle style? oh thank heavens no- it was challenging, but still soooo relaxing and full of good mind/body connection. at this point i'm pretty sure i'm addicted to yoga.  Today i got to the gym a little late after waking up slowly with scott, and only did about half my planned strength work before scuttling down to the locker room, changing, and hopping in the pool for my first swim since JUNE! (ok maybe July 1, but still!) i'm not gonna lie- the second thru 8th lengths were a struggle, but judging from the few time checks i made, my lap time is still about what it was in late june. that was cool to see. i did 36 lengths/laps (i always count a lap as there and back but it seems most folks don't) then hopped back out to change- i had budgeted more time than needed for all this changing, so i'm likely gonna strength train longer before i swim after this. Then it was time for Yoga! yes! more YOGA! this time it was with Kim, who i'd never seen nor met before, but who had a very nice style of guiding our practice and i am looking forward to more yoga with her.  i also think i am going to practice my Tree/dancer/full warrior poses more outside class so i can not topple during every balance move.  Tomorrow is Cycle again- either with Ashley or Kathi, and as it;s the one workout a week i dhare with Scott, it;s extra exciting! oh. one more thing...
SAY WHAT?
We have a milestone crossed here people! i weighed myself yesterday, and after so much hard work, i have weighed in at 179.4lbs. this means 2 things: a) i have lost over 30 lbs! and b) i am OVER halfway to my  goal!!!! YAAAAAAY *confetti*
.

Spinning!

i've added yet another form of exercise to my repetoire! Spinning, or Cycle, as they call it at my gym is an intense cardio workout on specially designed stationary bikes. it is the hardest* thing i have ever done, exercise wise, and now i have completed three classes in 6 days- Sat, Tues, Thurs. i am so proud of that.  let me share the experience with you.

Saturday: Get Moving Cycle
Instructor: Ashley
This is the class for beginners, but it wasn't easy at all. first, we were taught how to set up our bikes, then we were guided through a series of sprints, climbs, and standing drills. i kept up ok, and definitely gave it all i had. it was a 45 min ride, and i think having scott there with me helped immensely. So far, Ashley's soundtrack was my favorite. effort: 8/10, kept up: 7/10

Tuesday: Get moving Cycle
Instructor: Dee
Dee has a very different personality from Ashley, much more soothing and encouraging compared to Ashley's more gregarious style, but that's ok! this class was equally challenging to the first, and i finished, so that was good. it was really really hard, but i am so glad i went. i gave it all i had today because i knew wed would be a day off.  effort: 9/10 Kept up 8/10

Thursday: CycleAbs
Instructor: Susan
this class was gonna be a challenge before i ever walked in. i felt like garbage from the start today, but i decided that if i'm gonna keep this up when i'm pregnant i need to learn to push through that.  when i walked in, i asked the others in the class how long the ride was (i thought it was 45 min with 15 min of abs at the end) and was told "an hour" Whooooo boy! i had only doen 45 min rides, and i was already feeling icky and weak. i figured right then that i'd stop at 45 min. then at the 10 min mark i was telling myself i'd jsut make it to 20 min- i felt so weak and sore! then, at 20 min, i was like, ok, you can make it to 30. then at 30, iwas like, ok- push till 45- you;ve done that before! at 45 min i was like ok, do your best, and finish the ride. and i did! No ab work- probably because it was a sub teacher. that's ok. i'll jsut hit them hard tomorrow. i'm so proud of that 60 min ride.

So, that;s been my first week of Spinning, and i can't wait till saturday! (provided there is no storm interference!)

*when i say hardest, i mean most challenging without causing me some sort of pain or injury, as in BodyCombat, where i struggle because of foot and joint pain more than lack of fitness

Thinking ahead to pregnancy training

so, i'm not pregnant yet- as far as i know- but the fitter i get, the more i feel it could be iminent. i am also a planner and a control freak,  so i have been doing some research into how to build and modify my program around this. i think i've got a pretty solid plan (which i will discuss with my doctor next friday to see what he thinks) and that makes me feel pretty confident.
Something i have been expressing over and over to scott lately is this fear that after all the hard work i have put forth this year that i'm going to get pregnant and lose all the progress i've made in getting fit. i am determined for that not to happen.  honestly, if  i find out next week that i am pregnant now, i pretty much do not want to weigh any more at the end of my pregnancy than i do right now. i'm 33ish lbs from my goal weight and i don't think gaining more than that is neccesary, or even healthy. (i'm gonna talk to my doctor about this, so don't freak out.) part of this is because i've been told the beginning of your pregnancy is a fantastic time to lose weight and because for my own sake and for the sake of my child, i am going to need to bounce back as quickly as possible afterwards. i think that's true for many women, but it's especially true for me, because of my PCOS-fatigue and depression are big issues in my struggle, and to be the best mom i can, daily exercise time is jsut gonna have to be a top priority after keepin that baby clean, fed,and loved on. that's the way it's gonna have to be- forever. Mama has got to take care of herself so she can take care of you. maybe it sounds selfish, but i know from seeing how i'm a better wife no than i was 8 months ago that the only way i can be the woman God made me to be is if i am getting in that workout time. To that end, here is my general plan:

-2x/week: Cycle class
-5x/week: pregnancy pilates
-3x/week: weight training
-3-4x/week: run on elliptical or swim

When i hit the 2nd Trimester i also plan on starting the Hot Mama's program at my gym. not sure waht all that entails, but i'm sure i'll be able to work it all together for a healthy pregnancy.

BodyCombat week 2

first, let me recap yesterday (tuesday). it was my first back to back day of weights at the gym, and it went well. i did a TON of ab work first, mixing in my bicep and tricep work, and all that was great. then i did my weight machine circuit. this circuit takes less time every day, and i'm not entirely sure why. maybe i'm taking shorter rests between sets? this may turn out to be a good thing though, as i'll get into in a bit. After all that strength training, i got on the stationary bike for 45 min. it was decent cardio, though i wasn't hffing and puffing like usual (on the elliptical) and maybe i could have worked harder. i didn't really know what to expect from myself though, so i kinda paced myself. it definitely made me want to take a cycle class even more, because with really only a small/moderate amount of effort i went for 45 minutes solid. that was cool.

today was cardio only, but it was also bodycombat day- i love and hate this class. the instructor, Brett, is amazing and funny and high energy and challenging- i am HUGE fan. i have 2 main struggles with the class- my feet hurt, and my lack of cardiovascular endurance. the former will hopefully be at least improved when my new shoes come (YAY) and the only real solution i see to the second is more bodyCombat. now, Brett does teach this class again tomorrow at 8:15 am, but a)that's hella early for this kinda workout, and b) can my knees/feet handle this?  if you read this blog with any regularity, you know that i am more ambitious than my body can handle sometimes, and i'm trying to sort out if this is one of those times. i don't think after class today i felt any more fatigued than after a run on the elliptical although i know in a lot of ways i pushed myself a lot harder. maybe this is a sign i am getting fitter, i dunno. i fought to get through that class and took many more breaks than i wanted to, but, i dunno- can i do it again tomorrow? i kinda want to.

The second thought i am having is that after my ride yesterday, i definitely want to do more cycling. i've not taken a class yet, but i'm a fairly fast learner, so i am up for the challenge. i think.

i wanna do everything. i love the way i feel after BodyCombat, and i want to get better and be able to keep up. i won't bore you with typing out my whole thought process, but know i am wrestling with this mentally as well as physically! :-)

Edit: because i am a goal- oriented person, i've made a decision about bodyCombat. i'm obviously going to keep going on wednesdays, but because the second but equal goal right now is to get pregnant, and i don't see myself doing Combat throughout my pregnancy (or past the first trimester even)i'm going to focus on developing my cycle skillz- because that is something i can do while i'm pregnant. (i know this because there is a gal at the gym who is at least 6 months along who does cycle almost daily!) hopefully after baby i'll be able to pick Combat back up and work up to twice a week maybe. right now, because i'm so anxious about losing momentum when i am pregnant, i think the best plan for me is to create a program with variety, but also something i don't have to really adjust while i am pregnant too much.

new week...new thoughts

have i mentioned titling blog posts is the hardest part for me? just a note. moving on....

So, here is how last week ended up:
M: 2.5 hours strength training, elliptical 4.54 miles, 33min
Tu: rest. zzzzzzzzz
W: 2.5h strength training, BodyCombat (OHMYSTARS)
Tr: 33 min Elliptical, 4.05 miles
F: 2h Strength training, 33min elliptical, 4.47 miles

Not bad, all told. i slept all day saturday- almost literally.

Today started a new week, and i'll be honest, i have high expectations for myself this week. today i started solidly with 2h strength training and  4.46 miles/33 min on the elliptical. i want to be doing more than this, and i have the energy, but my legs just feel worn out from the get go! i'm reminding myself that this is reaally only my 7th workout of this new program and i need to be patient with myself. i really want to be doing 60 min of cardio 5-6 days a week on top of the 4 days of strength training i am doing. right now though, 30 min feels darn near all i can do. i'm hoping varying the type of cardio i do during the week will help me progress quickly.  this week i'll be trying cycling (tues) and returning to BodyCombat (wed) to break up all the elliptical work. i'm ordering my fancy sulfate free swim haircare stuff today, so hopefully i'll be able to start swimming a day or 2 a week next week.
  here is what my weeks should look like from here on:

M: strength, elliptical
Tu: Strength, cycle
Wed: Bodycombat
Tr: Strength, Elliptical
F: Strength, Swim
Sa: elliptical (opt if worked out m-f)

thinking about goals.

so my goal has always been a size 8, but is that the right goal? i really don't know what size i should be shooting for. i really don't think i could maintain anything smaller than an 8, but should i be a 10 instead? i'm just over a size away from a 10 (meaning my 12s fit, but not comfortably...) so i guess i'll see fairly soon hopefully how look and feel at that size and go from there. i just don't wanna set myself up for angst by setting the bar at a level i can reach but not realistically maintain. i'll keep puzzling on this.

monday workkout and cardio musings

Happy Monday y'all! so, today's plan was thrown off a little by some late night family stuff that came up, but i still had a fantastic workout!
no pre-gym pilates today, since i slept into make up for being up late, but first thing when i got to the gym i did most of what i would have done at home. then, i got right into lifting. i was more focused today i think, and it went well. shoulders are still tough, but i am excited to see how i improve. definitely focusing on low weights hi reps, so i build lean muscle but don't bulk up. as low weights as i can go and still get a burn. i lifted/strength trained for 2.5 hours total before moving on to cardio.

Cardio was tough today, y'all. not quite as bad as saturday, but tough. i did the same interval training program that i did on friday, but pedaled backward on the high resistance intervals. maybe it's cuz i'm still a little sore from friday, maybe it was cuz i worked hard on legs today, i dunno, but i struggled to finish the 33 min. i took a break to stretch ant got back on to try to do some steady state running with no resistance, but it was not to be. that's fine- i don't want to overtrain or burn out.   i feel like i got a good workout and i guess i can be patient and work up to an hour total of cardio each day. i definitely feel more tired than i did friday at this time. maybe i'll keep with the 30 min each day this week and go for 45 next week, and move on from there....

Saturday cardio

Just a quick post about my run today. i intended to run for an hour total, but it didn't quite work out that way because of some carelessness on my part-i accidentally chose the "cardio" program on the elliptical instead of the manual, which should have been my choice, as the plan for today was cardio with zero resistance to move the muscles without challenging them. i fought HARD through the first 26 min of the 30 min run because whenever my heart rate dipped below 162 (my 85%) the machine provided enough resistance to get me back there. and since i didn't realize this, i thought i was jsut too darn sore to run today. oof. lesson learned though, and i'm fairly certain i burned a solid 400+ calories, so that's good. lotsa stretching between now and tomorrow night, and i should be all set to get up early monday and get going again.

workout notes:

7AM: Pilates: Got through it but it was really hard. i have also lost a lot of flexibility.
Kettlebells: maybe it's cuz it's early, but this is BANANAS (i've just started circuit 2 and have hit stop. struggling with whether to push play again-mostly cuz my knee really hurts and i'm all spinny. :-/) - yeah i tried again. i jsut can't handle it this morning. will try again monday.

 12PM: So, ummmmmmmmmmmm, yeah. just finished working out at the gym (got there at 8 AM). here's what i did and how it went:
Strength training: i won't bore you with the whole 2h+ that i did-, but here are a few highlights:

• Tried to to do one legged pelvic thrusts, and i mean, i did some, probably 10 each side or more ,but i was so distracted, i just dunno if they did much good. i didn't even really feel them. i dunno. i'll keep doing them, in case they are stealthily effective. ;-)
• did both chest press and fly machines. fly is jsut as hard on machine for me as free standing. i struggle so much with moving both arms at the same rate. i think it'll get better, and maybe soon i'll even feel it in my chest! :-P
• awesome shoulder press setup-still my weakest exercise. i'll build up slowly. keeping with my low weight hi reps plan. 
• actually had to make myself stop lifting and move on to cardio when i realized i'd been lifting close to 2.5 hours. wasnt feeling fatigued. weird, since i've been up since 4.

Before i got on the elliptical, i tried something totally new- Stationary rowing. i lasted about 10 min before moving on, but i liked it. i probably won't ever do it for a super long time, but i'm thinking of using it as a warmup before i lift.

Today's run on the elliptical was my best ever- 33min (with cooldown) and 5.01 miles.- and it was an interval workout! i loved every moment and felt so amazing! i really am getting healthier and stronger, even if it's takin awhile to see the fat melt off.

so, to sum up: the morning started off rough, but i managed to work out a total of over 3 hours, and i felt like i could do more! it's quarter to 5 PM and i still feel amazing. WOOOOOOT

Worth the Fight

It better be. it *will* be. And ohhhh what a fight it's been. I'm not even talking about the (conservatively) 10 years i've been fighting this disease and what it's not so slowly done to my body- that is an epic battle that will, i've come to accept, never be over till i'm gone from this world. No, i'm just referring to the past week and a half. As you can probably tell from reading my posts from last week, i've been trying to sort out exactly what and how much exercise i need to be doing to reach my goal of 170 lbs, 30 inch waist and 40 inch hips by 8/26 (when i have my doctor's appt). the weight goal is kinda unlikely, because while i seem to be losing inches at a fairly satisfying rate, the scale is sorta creepin. And that's fine. as long as i look like i weigh what i want to, and my size 8-10's fit when all is said and done, i'm good. i've got a solid 2 more sized to lose before i'm there, but i am determined to. i digress. The Fight. So, when i joined the Jillian Michaels program, i definitely gained a whole new level of motivation and drive- and a whole new level of frustration with myself for not meeting my own expectations. it's been said "what the mind can believe, the body can achieve" or somethin like that, and it sounds great, but my desire for fitness greatness is like when you first walk into a buffet and you are like EAT ALL THE THINGS!!!!! but really, you can't possibly consume as much as you think you want to- your body won't let you- there is not room. So maybe that inspirational quote is more of a long term thing, i dunno. all i know is i have bad knees, and that means all the plyometrics in Jillian's circuits are not a good idea for me- i learned this from 2 days of attempting said circuits. PAIN! i also learned, from having modified said circuits to make them Mae -Friendly, that i also hate self-paced circuit training. Give me a DVD to follow, and i'm golden- set up a series of weight lifting machines and i'm in heaven. So, (i'm literally praying i'm right about this) i've finally found a solution. this is how my mornings will look on weekdays:

6: up/eat
6:30: Pilates DVD (varies, depending on which day of the week)
7: Kettlebells DVD
around 8- leave for gym
at gym: various strength training exercises (some Jillian suggested) followed by an hour of cardio. hoping to work swimming back in soon.


this is something i can stick with fairly simply, since i love my gym, and Scott will help get me out the door. when i get pregnant, i'll drop the kettlebells (because i am clumsy enough as it is) and get to sleep in till 6:30- YAY- and then after the first Trimester i'll switch to a pregnancy pilates DVD. yeah, i've got that all planned. :-)
so, that's the plan. i only wish i hadn't woken up 2 hours before my alarm today. graugh. i'll let you folks know how it goes. 

my morning long tantrum

this entire morning has been me throwing a fit because i am stressing myself out over nothing. Here's the thing: i pretty much hafta modify every workout program i start because of my knee/ankle issues (pilates is the one exception) and for 8 years i've been aware of and ok with that. i'm a lot stronger now than i've been in a long time, and maybe that's why i'm feeling pissy about having to modify my Jillian michaels workouts. my knees are still hurting from all the lunges and plyo squats i did on tuesday, and today when i tried yet another new type of squat, it was really painful in the wrong ways in addition to the right ones. so, i've been having a tantrum. mostly internal, but with intermittent textual outburst in Scott's direction. not all of it has been related to today either- i have this fear that as soon as i get pregnant everything i've been working for will stop and i will shut down and lose all my progress. i can't have that happen. i've worked through most of this mentally and come to some pretty solid conclusions, and i'm happy with that. the bottom line is that i will still be getting a good workout, and that's what really matters- not how many squats and lunges i do.

things that are bugging me this morning.

so, for some reason i am up 1.4 lbs from my lowest weight (7/1) and i'm really not happy about that. i mean, i've eaten pretty flawlessly this month, and the past 3 weeks i've been working out consistently, so what gives? (i know, i shouldn't be on the scale in the middle of the week... i was curious though.) again, the math is what really gets to me-at the very least, from pure number crunching, i should be *down* 8 lbs since 7/1, but y'know... i'm not. ugh. Now, to be fair, my waist and hips are each about an inch smaller... but i want to see that scale move too! can i really be gaining so much muscle that i'm overcoming the fat loss with it? sigh. all this is gonna serve to make me an even better trainer when i get my certification, because i swear it is not supposed to be this hard, and i'm gonna be able to empathize so well with any client that struggles. i'm so glad i have a husband who is patient with all my frustration and agonizing and never being satisfied- imagine how much he has to hear this stuff! i really can't wait till i can get in the swing (well in a matter of speaking) enough with my circuit training that i'm ready to start adding cardio in the evenings. i could use the weight loss extra credit!

thoughts before my second JMO Program workout

Mornin!

Ok, breakfast has been eaten,  coffee and water are sitting on the desk next to me, and i'm gearing up to give my all to whatever Jillian has in store for me today. i want- no, i *need* today to go better than tuesday did. i need to get my metabolism cranked up, burn as many calories as i can and build as much lean muscle as i can. to that end, i have a few thoughts.

• Jillian says do the whole workout at once, no rest. well, as much as i love listening to and applying every word Jillian says...i also know that if i try to do that, my for is gonna start to suffer big time in the later circuits, and i'm gonna end up injured. Since i don't have Jillian here to correct my form constantly, i think i'm going to complete the first 2 1/2-3 circuits, take a few minutes active rest, and come back to finish. the last thing i need is to be sidelined by an injury.
• Pacing/energy expenditure is something i struggled with the other day- how much do i give to the exercise in the moment? i thought about this a lot on my rest day yesterday, and i think the answer is this. take the time to do the move correctly with good form, and do not rush. on cardio intervals, do pace yourself so that you are able to keep moving the entire time. as far as how much to give, i think the answer is this: give fully in the moment-don't save energy, because realistically, it'll be there when you need it. Jillian always says not to phone it in, and that when you feel like you can't give anymore, that's the time to really push and give more. the body is capable of more than we give it credit for, and i think a big part of this is mental strength too. 

today i am definitely going to finish every set and rep of this workout and i'm going to, after a rest, follow it up with my kettlebell workout.
Today i am going to do things i didn't think i could.

auuuugh

she's gonna kill me.

it was always a matter of time...

yesterday i took a step on my fitness journey that had been coming for awhile- i joined Jillian Michaels' online program- it's both not a big deal and kinda a big deal- here's why: food wise, i've been following Jillian's orders for awhile already, and i'm already doing her workouts.BUT- there is SO much more to this program than just eating right and working out- if you want there to be- a whole wealth of options and information and recipes, and encuragement, plus a number of opportunities to get your concerns directly in front of Jillian for possible interaction/answers from her. i'm really glad that i did this, and excited to see what's to come of it. i'm also a little frightened at the moment, because i'm about to start my first workout in the program! i don't have to do them till thursday, but, ummmm PLYO pushups?!?!?!? oh pray for me., y'all!

a Thank You and Dedication of sorts

This is the only picture i could find of Tee Morris and i online- but i think it kinda works. Tee has been an amazing friend and cheerleader on my weight loss journey and just plain in life.He is someone who has stuck by me unabashedly while others have turned their backs. He's given me opportunities to support him and encourage him too, which is, i've gotta say, one of the most valuable things in a friendship for me. Today, though, i'm thanking tee for believing in me and encouraging me to believe in and be myself. At a time when i wasn't sure where i fit and who i wanted to be- after a major life event made me re-evaluate pretty much everything i valued- Tee told me to be true to me. the best example of this was what he wrote in my Podcasting for Dummies book: "Next time you podcast, do it for *you*." i cried when i read that, because in that moment i knew Tee *gets* me. he knows i am a people pleaser and before all these changes, i did what it took to fit in and please the people i loved- which can be good to a point, but Tee was encouraging me to do and be what was/is right for *me*- this way there are fewer regrets, and a lot less heartache. Tee, i love you, Brother, and you will never know what a blessing you are to me on a daily basis. THANK YOU!

(photo credit: Doc Coleman)

re-branding thoughts

so, i'm thinking i want to re-launch my fitness podcast with a new name and slightly new focus, and change the name of this blog too. the new name, because, well, the "RDQ" name is something associated with a time in my life that is now over- i hope to return to roller derby at some point, but i've got other things i'm pursuing right now, and while i'll always look back on being "The RDQ" and working for Scott Sigler as a great experience, i'm a very different person now, and i think i need to own that even more by owning my online face as ME- not what someone else has dubbed me. (which is not to discount many many fond memories of Sigler calling me "RDQ" or "Roller Derby Queen"- i'm smiling just thinking about it. good times.) So, yeah. by the time you're reading this i'll have changed the blog title, and probably asked my friend Re to make me a new podcast logo with the new name for that too. it's likely to still have workouts, and advice, and encouragement, but also i wanna share stuff i'm experiencing and learning- maybe similar to an audio version of this blog. thoughts?

war on sulfates!!!!

ok, so remember how i read Master Your Metabolism last month and found it life changing? well, the changes we made in our lifestyle starting that day were really only phase 1 of the makeover. Here's an update on how it's been working out and what phase 2 is:
Phase 1 was mostly about food. Now, i've said a million times on this blog how my weight problem isn't about food. that's still true, with a big HOWEVER in it. i have been eating healthy fairly consistently for 8.5 of the almost 9.5 years we have been married. HOWEVER-because of cost or effort or whatever, the QUALITY of the food we've been eating hasn't always been the best. reading MYM made me decide to try upping the quality of our food in the following ways:

• organic (or at LEAST Hormone Free) meat and dairy- this is really easy to do when you shop at Trader Joe's. i've also found a local source for Grass-Fed beef. www.greenwaybeef.com- they ship to you if you aren't local!
• LOTS of fresh, and often Organic Fruits and Vegetables! We have a farmer's market that is located about half a mile away- TOO EASY!
• Quality grains- i've fallen in love with quinoa and the Harvest Grains Blend from Trader Joe's. Also, Steel Cut oats for breakfast.
• Quality fish. Again, Trader Joe's is an incredible source for this.
  
• Sensible snack foods- there are 2 snack foods i am keeping on hand at all times- Veggie Straws, and Almonds. i actually count out the recommended serving size and eat just that. go figure. ;-)

Initially i was scared our grocery bill was gonna blow sky high when i made these changes, but y'know what, it didn't. i've been tracking it, and i've found we are spending a solid 25% less on groceries and also eating out less! Trader Joe's is a HUGE part of this, and i am so thankful we have one so close by! As far as the effects of these changes- well i dropped a chunk of weigh immediately- see my end of june entries- and so did scott- and we both just FEEL better on a daily basis. Scott is even *enjoying* all the vegetables and stuff!

Phase 2 has been about eliminating environmental toxins, and it's a little bit trickier, as the better alternatives in some cases cost more, and it does require replacing some objects flat out.

• Plastic cookware and storageware: this is still in progress, but because of the abundance of BPA and other chemicals in most plastic, i've replaced all of my storageware (which i sometimes microwave in) with glass. this cost me $30 (found an awesome set at Sams Club). i already have an awesome set of pyrex mixing bowls, so that was a big help. I still need to get some BPA free big tumblers and pitchers, since i make and drink LARGE amounts of tea, and my nalgene bottles get gunky cuz they are hard to clean.
  
• Cleaning Products: i have not started this part yet, but i looked at Trader Joe's and there are alternatives to some of the harsher cleaners. every little bit helps.
• Personal Care Products: Finally to the point of the title of this post. Sulfates, phalates, and Parabens are not good for the environment, or so i've read. What i'm really concerned with though, is they are not good for PEOPLE! they are Endocrine disruptors (easy explaination, they throw off your hormone balance) and especially with an endocrine disorder- i can't afford that. This week i threw out all my beauty products with these chemicals and replaced them with safer alternatives. this was not cheap. on 4 products i spent $42. now, that's not much, but compared to what i WAS spending, it was at least double, for the amount of product. if i'm gonna spend that kind of money, it should be at Sephora on something awesome. so, while i have a temporary fix, i'm not satisfied. We happened to be a Trader Joe's the next night, and i checked out what they have. better prices for Sulfate Free products in larger bottles than i was paying for the products WITH the chemicals. i have yet to try thym, but i'm sure gonna give em a shot!!!
  

more updates as they come!

Dang Holidays...

so this month has been... off track. the first weekend of the months was incredibly busy , and while it shouldn't have, that really threw me off. my first workout of the month was on the 12th (!?!?!?) of the month. Then, i got my period, which was a mixed blessing- cuz YAY my body is starting to function but BOO, i felt like crap for 5 days. i'm gonna say this in positive terms rather than beating up on myself. that's more productive. i've worked out five times this month so far- three times last week and twice this week. i got a new Jillian Michaels DVD for my birthday (Shred It with Weights- an kettlebell workout) and it absolutely kicks my butt every single time- I LOVE IT! i feel like i'm getting familliar with it, and since i am taking a hiatus from swimming (due to being burned out on getting up so early!) it's essential that i still get a really good cardio workout- kettlebells are my ideal workout- strength and cardio at the same time- i love circuit training but i HATE almost every cardio interval- this solves that- in the level 1 workout there is only one interval that feels like straigh up cardio, so that's good. today i also did my self-designed circuit, which was really fun. hopefully next week i'll be able to add in the buns and thighs pilates moves i just didn't get to today. i'm also going to add my Jackie Warner upper body workout back in. all together it should be about 70 min of exercise on M/W/F and 100 min on tues/thurs. that sounds like a lot, but it's really jsut about the same as what i was doing in may and june, with kettlebells replacing the swimming. i do kinda miss swimming. i'm also supposed to be adding that back in next week, but i'm not sure....really gotta avoid overtraining and burnout.

time to adjust again

this morning my alarm didn't go off at 5:30- no idea why. the 6AM alarm did go off, and i bounced up, ate, and got down to the pool. i knew pretty much right away it was gonna be a rough one-the water felt like molasses- but i figured it'd get easier. it really didn't, and i felt like i was going to be sick. i did 6 sets- all in the 2:30's- and half of a 7th. at that point i knew i needed to call it done for today on the swimming. i hated quitting early, but i didn't want to risk not bein able to swim tomorrow from being overtired, or worse, drowning because in my exhaustion i inhaled water. i came home, showered, and rested awhile- the nausea and headache didn't fade. at 9:30, i started-for the first time- level 2 of Jillian Michaels' Six week Six pack. i struggled, but got through it. I'd say over half of it is lunge based or otherwise aggravates my still sore knee. most of those lunge based moves also didn't seem to be engaging my abs in a way i could feel very much- this might have been in part because due to my injury i wasn't able to get as deep into them as i'd like- standing ab moves are also usually less intense but still effective anyway. This led me to create a circuit that combines all my favorite no impact ab moves with a few cardio intervals, so i can get a great ab workout while my knee finishes healing. it's a little sore right now, but i don't think i made it worse during today's workout, so that's good.
it's funny that this happened on a day when i swam so badly- the first swim workout that i started without finishing in almost 2 months of swimming!!!! - but i'm finally at the point where i WANT to work out during the day- by which i mean right now, i am dying to get up and moving-swim, abs, arms, whatever- but i'm holding off because i really want to be able to swim hard tomorrow and friday and saturday. i'm irritated that i missed my swim yesterday, and that today's went so badly, so i don't want to do anything to hurt the rest of the week. i've also been spending no time at the pool lately. hoping to change that tomorrow and friday.
oh, and as long as i do some kind of workout tomorrow, i'll finish June at 22 workouts! that may be an all time record for me-i don't think i've ever had a month where i only missed 3 scheduled workouts before. here's shooting to miss even fewer in july!

186.4

that's this week's official weigh in. i can't believe it. i mean, i know i've earned it. i know i've been working hard enough. wowsers. it;s literally been almost 6 years since i saw any number in the 180's on my scale- until last week. when i weighed in ay 189.8 last monday, i thought "it'd be awesome to see 185 next week..." but, like any good Biggest Loser Devotee i knew better-if you dropped a big number this week, next week will be small. that;s how it goes, and i was prepared. Well look at this. big numbers 2 weeks in a row! (i'm gonna estimate last week at about a 4lb drop- it's hard to say because i was a bad girl and weighed myself too often, but it's between 3-6.) I'M SO VERY EXCITED!

That good news was needed as i woke up this morning, because i missed my swim today. :-( i just could not get to sleep last night. it was probably close to 1 am when i finally drifted off. i slept in late today (around 9:20) and decided not to beat myself up. i'll do a little strength training at some point, but i think my body does need a teeny break. i've been pushing really hard in the pool, and i don't wanna overtrain and burn out. i have this mentality of "well on the Biggest Loser..." but reality is that i am not surrounded by medical professionals and as much as i know about training, i'm not Bob or Jillian. i need to do what *I* can do and do it well.
i started panicking last night a little bit- What am i gonna do when it's too cold to swim outside? well, it'll take a little more determination, and a bit more time, but i'm just gonna have to take my act to the gym. i've still got a solid 10-12 weeks here at our apt pool though. i do have to have a solid plan, though, because maintenance is the toughest part.
oh! Measurements.

Weight: 186.4 (3.4/23.6)
Waist: 32 (.5/4)
Hips: 42.25 (.75/3.75)
Thigh: 23.25 (.75/2.75)
Bicep: 11.5 (0/1.5)

as requested...

here is my side by side progress shot:

Gotta get up on Friday...

i didn't want to though. and i definitely didn't want to swim today. it was my best swim yet though, as far as lap times go-every set (10 sets) was under 2:45 and 9/10 were under 2:40. that's mind blowing for me- especially when you consider it's the 5th swim of the week and the first week of doing 10 sets instead of the 8 that i did for the first 6 weeks. i've had to fight for every stroke and kick this week, but it's amazing and exhilarating to see and feel how strong i am getting. i realized this morning as i changed out of my swimsuit that weight loss is not my only reward along this journey. i am getting stronger and faster. i'm still working at my stroke, and i know it'll improve along the way too. i know my breaks between lap sets are a bit longer this week, but i also think that's understandable considering how hard i'm working. that'll improve too.
Strength training this week has been not so great- mostly because the swimming has been exhaisting and i don't want to overtrain, but also because i messed up my knee fairly badly at the beach last week, and i'm trying not to prolong the healing- which limits the exercises i can do more than i initially realized- but i've done a little ab and arm work wed and thurs, and i'm going to do some today-or possibly tonight. monday starts level 2 of my Jillian workouts and i'm both excited and trepidatious about that.
let me end this post by sharing this: one of the brightest moments of my day is when i walk in the bedroom after i swim and my husband is lying there alseep, but he wakes up and grets me with a sweet smile and tells me how proud he is of me for how hard i work. it means so much that he sees it and feels that.

here's a pic!

here's a shot of me in some size 12 shorts that a week ago i could not even zip. go figure. they are still tight but go on and off easily. :-)

*Click*

i didn't know what to call this post, because it's a big deal to me- and hopefully to those of you on this journey with me. It's happened. something clicked in my body, and the weight is coming off. FINALLY.
Back in March, i lost 14 lbs from the cleanse i did, and in april managed to drop another 2 while Scott was in the Philippines, leaving me at 191.8 putting me 18 lbs down from my discouraging weight of 210 on christmas day. Then the week he got back, i started swimming and immediately gained 4 lbs. those 4 lbs hung on and on. until this monday. yesterday, i weighed in at 191.2. i laughed maniacally for a few minutes while i stirred berries into my oatmeal and headed out for the hardest swim of my week. ugh. gotta love mondays.
on a whim, i stepped on the scale again this morning and saw the number i have been praying for: 189.8!!!! i am OUT of the 190's! now, i don't know how much muscle i've gained and how much fat i've lost, but i'm incredibly excited that ALL the hard work i've put in the past months and particularly the past 6 weeks is starting to pay off. based on how things fit today, i'm estimating that i will be able to wear my size 12 jeans comfortably before my birthday. i'd love to shoot for being able to wear 10's by then, but it doesn't look too likely, even now. and that's ok. one day at a time. i said last week or sometime recently that that scale isn't a reliable measure, and i stick by that- unfortunately i did not measure myself at all the measurable points yesterday morning, but i hit the big ones. :-D

i'll present the numbers like this: Starting/current (lost)

Weight: 210/189.8 (20.2)
Waist: 36/32.5 (3.5)
hip: 46/43 (3)
thigh: 26/24 (2)
arm (at bicep):13/11.5 (1.5)

so... that's a start.
i've another 4-5 inches to lose of my waist and hips each, and 6 more off my thighs, so while it's a good start, it is jsut that. i'm really excited at my progress though, and can't wait to see it increase!

Happy Monday!

Hey y'all! i enjoyed my day off from exercise immensely, and am so proud of myself for getting up early and getting right back in that pool! my swim today was almost as good as saturday's! i only get to work out three days this week instead of six, because scott and i are going to VB for my sister's Graduation and a much needed vacation. i am going to try to at least get a solid hour of walking in each day as we do stuff, but no swimming or Jillian Th-Sat. that makes me a bit nervous, but i think what counts is making sure i continue to eat well and that i get right back to it next monday.

i also weighed in today. (cue ominous music!) and i'm down 2.5 lbs from where i was when i last weighed in-which is still UP 2 lbs from my lowest in late april. i have no idea what is up with that. i do know i'm getting stronger by far though and that i am starting to get smaller. These facts have reminded me that when i've successfully lost weight in the past, the measurement hasn't been based on the scale but on a measuring tape. inches are a much better measure of my progress than pounds lost. i'm still going to weigh in as soon as i get up on monday mornings, but i'm also going to measure, because i think that will give me a more realistic idea of how i'm doing. i'm really excited to see the differences that come from these lifestyle changes we are making due to friday's reading, and i know there are many good things ahead. if i can navigate the second half of this week without splurging too much, i'll feel really good weighing/measuring monday.

Finishing Strong

if anything has developed in me the past few months of really working at getting healthy it's determination and a deep commitment not to quit or give up, no matter how dark things look, or how hopeless i feel at a given moment (and, even if it has not come across on here, i've had some *very* dark days and felt very hopeless at times recently). i started strong, way back in early march with that cleanse, and i am determined to finish strong. today i got a bit of a reward for my determination and sticktoitiveness. No, the scale has not budged yet, that i know of- official weigh in is 5:30 monday morning! I did, however, have my best swim yet! imagine that-my 6th swim in a row, 2 really tough strength workouts this week, and today, every lap set was under 3 minutes. that is a new record for me. i took shorter breaks, too. i'm really proud of that. it bodes well for the first half of this coming week, because i am going to have to go big mon-wed to make up for missing the second half of the week's workouts. today and tomorrow there will be much stretching. :-)

something else i want to talk about in this post is the book i read yesterday- Master Your Metabolism by Jillian Michaels. if you have not read this book, please do yourself a favor and go pick it up posthaste! :-D a lot of the info in it is kinda scary to read, but after sleeping on it, i'm kinda filtering out what's applicable to my life. a lot of it i already knew and was doing, because PCOS is an endocrine/metabolic disorder at heart, and in order to manage it even as well as i have thus far, i;ve had to learn a number of the food parts. the stuff that was new to me was the science behind a lot of the practices i've been keeping "to manage my metabolism" without fully understanding how they were helping. somehow understanding the why and how helps me feel more equipped to take this on. there are going to be some changes in how i eat based on what i read- not many, or any drastic ones, but we are going to work toward being as organic as possible in our food choices. not for any green-eco friendly-environmental reasons per se, but because there are entirely too many chemicals and fake things in the modern diet. i was pelasantly surprised when i went through Jillian's chapter on cleaning out your food supply of the main toxins, that there were only a handful of items that had to go- and i had NO High Fructose Corn Syrup in my house! WOOOOOT! these changes will likely make groceries a bit more costy, but i also think they will go far in making a happier and healthier life.

Finally, i'll share one thing i've already changed- and i'm kinda embarrassed to admit this-up till now, i've been swimming on an empty stomach- not because i falsely beleived, like many, that you burn more fat calories by doing so, but because i am already getting up really early and could not fathom how i could get up earlier enough to get food in my tummy and let it settle before going to swim- well, once i read the science behind why that's just not a good plan, i knew i had to at least try- so this morning i had a bowl of oatmeal and still got out the door in the same amount of time it usually takes, and my breakfast didnt make my stomach cramp during my swim, so... YAY!

it should just be a mattter of math. but it SO isn't.

the above is me pretty much every day. it should be a matter of calories in vs calories out. but it isn't. if it were, i'd be down at least 13.88 lbs in the past 5 weeks since i started swimming. as far as i know (i'm not weighing in until monday morning) i'm not down any weight at all- last i weighed in i was UP 4 lbs. that's not right! i know muscle weighs more than fat, i know i'm building a lot of that right now, and i know that will help me lose weight faster long term- but holy crap, y'all- this is frustrating! i got an email yesterday with a sample day from a Biggest Loser contestant's (the most recent at home winner) food journal. it was almost exactly the same number of calories i took in on tuesday that i outlined here yesterday. it's frustrating, but the good news is i know i'm doing the right thing, and i'm gonna keep on doing it. i have a secret hope that when i weigh in on Monday i'll have a surprise waiting for me. i also think my recovery half week next week will see me dropping a few pounds as my body gets a chance to heal from all i;ve been putting it through.

update time!

ok, so i swam 5x and did my strength program 2x last week. not too shabby. i missed swimming saturday because our apartment was flooded with wastewater. ICKY!!!!! i wasn't able to strength train monday either because of that, but as of now (Wed at 8:15 AM) i have gotten my swim in all three mornings and done my strength program once. i'll be doing strength again today at 9. i'm hoping to finish out this week's workouts (3 more swims and 2 more days of strength) solidly and have a good rest on sunday. it;s super important that i work out solidly and consistently next mon-wed because thurs-sat we are gonna be on a mini vacation! i'm wrestling with myself over missing those 3 workouts, but i think we need the vacation, so it;s just a matter of kickin it back into gear on the following Monday. one day at a time, right?

let's call this my own personal FAQ...

So, in sharing my journey with people-most of whom love and care about me-i find that everyone has an opinion and advice on weight loss, and while i'm very thankful they care, it's frustrating because 90% at least just doesn't apply, for one of a few reasons. it;s not that I don't want advice or encouragement- i scour articles and such looking for that magic piece of information that will make this all easier or more effective- but most weight loss advice out there is for "normal" people. i'll expand on that below.

Recently i was sharing my heart, my struggles, and my insecurities with a loved one. i said something along the lines of " i feel like people think i must be lazy and eating like a pig." and her response was something like "who cares what people think? God loves you and you are precious to Him." Well, the second part of that is very true, and i don't doubt it a bit-but it actually *does* matter what people think- because they are *constantly* telling me "well if you just ate better" or "just go for a short walk and it'll melt right off." So, with that in mind, here are some thoughts i'd like to share so you all can understand me better.

1. This is NOT about vanity. I'm not gonna lie and say i don't care how i look, that i'm not insecure , or that i don't compare myself to my naturally thin and drop dead gorgeous sister and sister in law. i do. more often than i should. But i also know that curves are beautiful and sexy, and mine! i love the general shape of my body, and i don't want to be a stick figure! (and for what it's worth, i think my curvier sister is JUST as gorgeous as the skinny one!) This is about being healthy- and even more specifically about having a baby. (yes, i know overweight people have babies all the time, but i also know that it;s not likely, or maybe even not possible for me to get or stay pregnant as i am now- as evidenced by the fact that I am not pregnant after 5 months off the pill. More on the why of that later.)
2. This is not about Food. I do splurge once in awhile and eat more than i should, but may i please say here once and for all that i am not overweight because of how i eat as a habit. i'd like to illustrate this by giving you a typical day in my diet. This has been a typical day for 8 years, people. it is not a new thing, nor am i making it up. this was yesterday.
   

Breakfast: smoothie made from 2 small bananas, 3/4 cup almond milk, 1 serving whey protein.(300 calories)
post workout snack: protein shake made with 1% milk (200 calories)
Lunch: salad made with 5 cups romaine lettuce, 1 can tuna, and 2 tbsp cilantro dressing (200 calories)
Dinner: 2 lean pockets (got asked to babysit last minute so in a rush) (520 calories)
the grand total for yesterday- an entirely typical day- even with dinner on the run- 1320 calories. The minimum recommended calorie consumption to keep from starvation mode is 1200. can we please stop with the calorie cutting advice? i also almost never eat bread or pasta- and rice only if it is brown or if i'm at a restaurant where all they have is white. low carb has been a lifestyle for 8 years as well.
3. This is not a lack of exercise. I'll admit that consistency in exercise at the beginning is a struggle for me, but that is largely due to constant fatigue from my PCOS. however- for the past month i have been VERY consistent. for the past 5 weeks i have exercised at least 3 times a weeks for at least 35 minutes of sustained intense cardio (swimming or hiking) and the past 3 weeks i have done 20-60 minutes of High Intensity Interval Training with cardio and weights at least twice a week. before that it was less consistent but still happening fairly regularly.
4. PCOS has EVERYTHING to do with this. since i was 11, i've had a number of things plaguing me medically and emotionally- when i was 18, i discovered that almost all of them were related and explainable by one very silent disease that is incredibly common and presents differently in every woman who has it. (though it seems the weight struggle is a common denominator) i started eating low carb when i was 20 to help treat it. when i was 23, i finally was able to start treating it for real with the help of a doctor. i know it;s invisible, and i know that makes it harder to understand, but PCOS is no joke. i don't think anyone i know who doesn't have it or isn't married to someone who does really understands that it can affect everything in one's life. i've told women that i have gone 13 months with no period and they have laughed and said they;d love that. no. no you wouldn't. all i can describe it as is being in a constant state of PMS for over a year. it's awful. even now it's only been 2 months and i feel like poo. Worse than the mood swings and the weight struggle and the fatigue though is that if i'm not ovulating, i cannot get pregnant. it is that simple. And yes, i'm fully aware that adoption is a wonderful thing-and we fully plan on doing that also- but my heart;s desire is to have our own biological children as well. we know we CAN get pregnant- there is some magic switch that flips at a certain level of health-and THAT is what i am working for.

Thanks for reading all this and thanks so much for your support!

getting stronger

so, this is sadly not the post where i announce that my fat burners have woken up and i'm dropping inches like crazy. However, it is the first of many posts where i tell you i feel stronger. i've never been an athlete- i *always* hated gym class-but strength/weight training has been something i've at least gotten some pleasure out of since i discovered weight lifting my freshman yesar of high school. i think i liked having the measurable progress of "i did this last week and it;s so much easier this week" or "wow i can do more reps and sets than before!" i've always been results driven.
with swimming, at least for me, that progress is a bit harder to measure in the short term because it's cardio and resistance training at the same time, which i guess is what makes it such intense cardio. anyhoo- last week's swims were SO hard. i did them every morning but every single morning i just wanted to give up. this week has been different. it's not been easy by any stretch, but i'm getting to the point where i can finish my set of laps (i'm currently doing 8 sets of 4 laps with a 20 sec breather between sets) without getting all gaspy and flaily, and that's nice. i'm still relieved when i'm done for the day, but i definitely don't feel like crying because it's so hard anymore.
another area where i know i am getting stronger is this: i have added full body resistance training this week. Last week i had tried out the Six week Six pack workout and found it to be great, so this week i have added upper and lower body work, and though it's really hard while i'm doing it, i love how i feel afterwards and am amazed that the soreness from it has not affected my swimming negatively. (current average time for a set of 4 laps is 3:10) Also, i am definitely getting stronger in each of the three strength training workouts i'm doing. during the upper body workout yesterday i was amazed at how many more reps of each move i was doing. there's only one strength move that i want to do but am struggling with (it involves a side plank with knee raises), and even for that i have a plan to build up to it! :-)
My sleep schedule has normalized, and that is awesome-now i'm just looking forward to when my energy level improves. seems like i've got enough energy to sleep and cook and exercise and not much else these days.

saw the video for this song this morning-made me bawl like a baby.

wednesday workout notes

i woke up at 5:45 this morning and got in the pool at 6:25. i took my time getting ready. ;-) swim went awesome and i'm really proud of myself for getting up. with having Kelly here i knew my schedule was gonna be off a bit, and sure enough, because her skin is so fair we elected to have pool time from 9-11 before the sun got too high. i swam a few laps with her, and mostly jsut splashed around. i was gonna work out when we got home, but because i had eaten breakfast so early- at 7- it was time to eat when we got home. on top of that, i'm really sore and tired from yesterday and from being up early. i'm not sure if i'll come back around to strength train, but i'm going to definitely pick it back up tomorrow and friday. i'll letcha know what happens. :-D

End of month Wrap up.

Well, i did it! i finished May strong! i worked out 17 times in May and i can feel my body getting stronger. i'm still stuck at the same weight/size for the moment, but i'm fairly certain that's about to change.
Last week:
-Swam 32 laps 6x
-1/2 six week six pack level 1 2x

This week so far:
Mon:
-Swam 32 laps

Tues:
-swam 32 laps
- 1/2 six week six pack level 1
-Jackie warner 20 min upper body circuit
-Pilates Buns and thighs

The plan for the next 3 days is to repeat today's workout, and saturday jsut swim my 32.
I'm really proud of what i've done so far and i cna't wait to see myself get stronger!

ok. somethin clicked.

so, i've been waiting for something to click in my head about my workouts. i think it just did. like i said in my last post, i tend to be all or nothing, throwin the baby out with the bath water. well that needs to stop. i need to celebrate my daily victories and continue to challenge myself but not burn out by overloading myself with unrealistic plans and expectations and feeling a failure when i don't meet them. in light of this mental breakthrough, i've got a new plan:

Week 1 (this week)
swim 32 laps M-Sa
first half of 6w6pack L1 (Tu & R)

Week 2:
Swim 32 laps M-Sa
first half of 6w6pack L1 (m/w/f)
Jackie Warner Upper Body (MWF)
Kettle Bells (MWF)

Week 3:
Same as week 2 but with the strength training m-f

Week 4:
Same as week 3 but doing all of the Jillian DVD.

and... progressing from there, adding laps every other week and moving to level 2 of Jillian and increasing weights and needed. :-)

i don't have to do it all at once! (duh!)

13

today was my 13th workout this month. i'm pretty proud of that, considering i probably haven't worked out 4 times 3 weeks in a row in at least 2-3 years, if not longer. next month i'm gonna shoot for a perfect 26 workouts, but for the month of May 2011 i will be really proud to finish at 17. i'm sitting here at the table drinking today's dose of green tea, and trying to figure out whether i am going to be content and proud of today's swim- which i did in 34 minutes, which i think is my best time yet- or whether i am gonna give Six week six pack another try today. i feel like i did pretty well at the part i did tuesday-i mean, it was my first time through, and i didn't get every rep in on some of the moves, and it's gonna be awhile before burpees are my thing- if EVER- but my abs are sore, so i did somethin right. one of my problems is that i decide things are not for me too easily sometimes, and i think that sabotages me. back in 05-the last time i successfully lost a large chunk of weight-i used the parts of Slim in 6 that worked for me, and left out the parts that did not, and i got great results. i think the same is true for this workout. i need to kick butt at the moves that work well for me, but also go at my own pace when i need to, and not do the moves that aggravate my injuries. Not throwing the baby out with the bathwater is key. also, it's intense cardio, so i need to be willing to hit pause. going into this i had decided i did not want to do that, but the more i think about it, why not? i'f i'm gettin up and swimming at 7 or 730 in the morning, there is no reason i don't have time for my 35 min workout to take 40 min or so as i adjust to the new amounts of exercise. next week i am adding in upper body work, so theoretically it'll be just under 2 hours of exercise per morning. if i'm getting up at 6:30 or 7 am, i have plenty of time to accomplish that and still enjoy my afternoons at hte pool. :-)

another issue that's been on my mind is this: how am i going to work out once i have a baby? yeah, i know, postpartum workouts are at least 10 months off, (considering as far as i know i'm not even pregnant yet) but i don't want to lose everything i've gained, physically and mentally. i guess the answer is likely to be walks with the stroller and dvd's while the baby sleeps. i'm prayin now for the discipline to do that. for now, i'll drink this tea and let Jillian kick my butt. :-)

grargh

Pictures taken 3/30 and 5/24


ok, so i have to write about the emotional parts not just the statistics and plans, because i look back on past journals and wonder if i struggled like this before.
i'mn having a really hard day today. there have been a number of these lately, mostly because i have been stuck at the same size/weight for just over 2 months. it's really frustrating. now, until the past 3 weeks, my exercise in that time has been sporadic at best, but i've been really disciplined about food, and i guess i hoped that'd at least get me somewhere well, i guess it kinda did-i've maintained my loss from march, and that is *something*.
the month of may has been my most consistent exercise month in probably at least 2-3 years. if i stay consistent the rest of the month i will have worked out 17 times this month! i'm really proud of that.
what i am having a really hard time with is the lack of progress in getting smaller. i'm just not. or, at least, not that i can tell. right now i am really tired and really sore. i have exercised 7 of the past 10 days. i'm having trouble falling asleep at night.
i know the only option really is to keep pushing and be patient. i have successfully lost weight before, there is no reason to think i can't do it again. i'm struggling also with this balance between being patient with my body and pushing it hard enough to get results. i want to challenge myself- and honestly every workout is a challenge- but i also don't want to injure myself or burn out.
so, what;s the answer? do i push myself today and do the jillian michaels DVD that i just couldn't kick myself into doing this morning, or be satisfied that i had a really good swim today? i mean, my swim was better than yesterday, so i should be able to do at least half of it like i did yesterday, right? what i feel like doing is going to sleep. ahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa. i'll let you know what i end up doing....

Edit: walked up to CVS and back (.6 miles) to get ultraswim shampoo and decided to pick up the Jillian workout tomorrow. :-)

midweek check in

so far this week:
Monday: swam 32 laps. (was not too difficult)
Tuesday: Swam 32 laps (VERY Difficult!) and did 1/2 Six week six pack level 1
Wed: Swam 32 laps (not as bad a yesterday but still pretty hard) and will do at least half of six week six pack,

The plan in yesterday's post is still the plan for now- but i need to ramp up to it. too much too soon will cause burnout. just like this time yesterday i feel ready to go to sleep! i;ve gotta keep pushing through because i know this will get better.

oh hi there!

i'm a terrible blogger. hopefully i'll be better. one thing i've noticed about this blog is that i'm pretty much always changing things up with my workouts. it seems like what i've been struggling with the most is consistency in working out, and that seems related to this struggle to create a program taht works well for me. well, the good news is i have found one major element that isn't going anywhere. Swimming is my super number one favorite choice for cardio. i also know that circuit/HIIT training is for me- it's just a matter of getting in the groove with that. i now have 4 options on HIIT workout DVDs here in the house, so once i get rolling, there will be plenty of variety there.
i have to say this round of weight loss has been really hard so far and really slow going and full of a million speed bumps, but i think it;s also the longest i;ve stayed focused and not just given up because of the speed bumps. i've been really disciplined food wise, and probably more consistent exercise wise this spring than in a long time. here is the general workout plan for the next 6 weeks (beginning yesterday):

1. Swim (starting at 32 laps, working to 44 by start of week 5)
2. Jillian Michaels Six week six pack (level 1 for 3 wks, level 2 for 3 weeks)
3. Jillian Michaels 30 day shred (2 weeks at each level)
4. Kettle Bells (starting week 2)
5. Pilates Buns and thighs (starting week 2 m/w/f)

All that m-f. on saturdays or sundays i will swim only and do a stretch DVD to recover
That's the plan... hoping all that gets me to a size 10 by the end of the 6 weeks.

the swimming has been going really well so far. i'm actually fairly sore today from yesterday;s swim, which is interesting because i;ve been swimming pretty consistently (3-4x a week) the past 2 weeks. i think the first 2 weeks of my new program are gonna be toughies, but if i can be really consistent and stick them out, the next 4 weeks should be really really good.

Friday mornin thoughts.

i'm committed to sharing everything here-good, bad, ugly- both in hopes that you'll be encouraged that you're not alone if you're struggling on this journey too, and because it's an easy way to keep a record for myself, in case i have to go through it again- i don't wanna lie to myself and say in hindsight "oh it was so much easier last time..." cuz, ummm this isn't easy. jsut because of timing and general sluggishness, i'm probably not gonna get my workouts in till after lunch, but that's ok. i've come to realize that at this point in the game, the important thing isn't doing everything my body can and burning every last calorie possible (that starts...next week ;-)) - no, the important thing is getting in a good cardio burn every day. even if i just get through my circuit once, that's something. i don't see myself stopping there, even on a tired day, but consistency is king right now.
more later, after i've worked out.

thursday wrap up.

day 2 is always really hard. i was kinda prepared for this, but it was still a really hard day. i woke up at 630 am and made breakfast. at about 8 i started my first workout. it was the Kickboxing/booty/core workout and it took me about 40 min with all the breaks, which was fine since it was my first time all the way though it. as with the other kickboxing workout i'd tried, it was pretty strenuous, but in a really good way. i didn't get in all the reps on everything, but i really enjoyed it and felt like it will be a good addition to my program. i took a break, then launched into my circuit. i got through it okay physically, but the whole time and right after i was struggling emotionally. i made note of some of my thoughts:

- i do not want to work out anymore.
-looking in the mirror to check my form is so depressing. all i can see is all the fat in my face and flopping around at my middle.
-i start to feel like i'm getting somewhere (with weight loss) and then i see all this excess fat and i feel so very discouraged.

Then, as i got in the shower, i started to try to get some realistic perspective on it all- having been through this all before, i reminded myself of how my body works.

-i am going to be swollen and bloated for possibly up to 2 weeks. i must think longer term and know that if i stick with this, the weight and inches will come off.

- when i want to take a day off or give up i must work out anyway- even a smaller amount of exercise on a consistent basis will have more benefits and effects than large amounts of exercise less consistently.

-i need to take this one day at a time, one workout at a time.

i showered, shaved my legs, and spent the afternoon at the pool. when i got home and changed, i ate a snack, settled down to read, and fell asleep. later, i had a nice evening with scott, and went to bed at a decent time. one day at a time.

it feels like starting over...

...whenever i haven't worked out consistently in awhile. i know that where i am "starting" from this week is way beyond where i was in early january when i started this round of craziness, but it doesn't *feel* like it. here's how my workout week so far has gone:
Monday: Rest Day. spent most of it at the pool.
Tuesday: lady issues made me really tired, but i didn't want to start this new month by doing nothing, so i got scott to do the first day of the 100 pushup program with me at like 930 last night. it counts. (and it;s an area where i know i'm improving. the sets were tiny but they felt GREAT!)
Wednesday. ohhh today glorious hump day. i spent the morning really crunching numbers and figuring out what i needed to do to get my calorie burn right for hitting 175 this month. i'm not sure that i *will*, because my body hardly functions the way science says it should, but i'm gonna do everything i can to hit that goal. after lunch, i decided to jump right into a new workout-cardio kickboxing, since i've developed a love for this no impact cardio thang. it was SO fun and SO awesome and SOOOOOO hard! Not hard as in too advanced for me, but hard as in a challenge to my cardiovascular fitness- which is exactly what i need. i had to take a LOT of breaks to catch my breath, (took me 45 min to get through the 22 min workout)and i got lost a LOT, but both those things will resolve themselves as i repeat the workout. at the end of that 45 minutes i was pretty disappointed in myself. i hadnt kept up like i'd wanted and i knew that the 100 min of kickboxing style cardio i'd wanted to accomplish in addition to the circuit were not all going to happen. in fact, i was pretty sure i was done for the day. (my chest is still wheezy 3 hours after finishing.) i'm trying to gain better perspective on this. i worked out harder than i have probably worked out in months if not a year or more. no, i did not hit that 2k calorie burn goal today, but hopefully the bump my metabolism got will be enough to push me toward my goal anyway. i'd have taken a little break and gotten back into it, but we have dinner with scott's grandparents tonight and i didn't wanna show up all worn out- or worse, sweaty because i'd worked out to long to shower. yes, my health and weight loss need to be a priority, but today i had to make the judgement call that was wiser long term. tomorrow is a new day, and i'm hoping to get in bed early enough that i can get up and get ALL my exercise in first thing tomorrow and reward myself with sunshine at the pool in the afternoon. i'll let y'all know how that goes...

Spring 2011 workout plan

ok, so it occurred to me maybe y'all would benefit from knowing the plan- if you wanna join me, or just are interested in what works for me. i've been tweaking this program for awhile, and now i'm gonnal et you in on phase 1 of the plan (phase 2 is subject to change based on pregnancy and whatnot, but phase 1 is set in stone.)

1:The core of my program is a HIIT circuit that i created and, i must say, it is butt kickin. i'm including in it the 100 pushup program.


2: i'm also including a 10 min cardio workout that is a circuit of the cardio moves from the circuit that i can fit in any time and torches major calories and keeps the metabolism firing.

3: starting next week, i'm going to add in a 20 min pilates DVD. eventually i'll move on to the 50 min series, but we have to start somewhere. right?

4: Swimming. this is something that for now will happen as often as possible, and hopefully by early may will be something i can fit in every day. (my pool is in need of cleaning right now, and gym consistency needs work..._

5: hiking, walking, elliptical: these won't likely be every day like items 1-4, but they are awesome forms of cardio that i fully intend to incorporate.

Now, to some of you, maybe this sounds like a lot, but truly, it's what it's gonna take, and it;s far less stress on my body than a lot of high impact work. other than item 5, all of it is NO impact, and just awesome. i'm hoping that by the end of the next 9 weeks i'll be able to move on and actually do some plyo and stuff because of having less weight on my joints. :-)

so the plan is items 1-3 tues-sun and items 4-5 as often as possible, with item 4 becoming part of the daily plan by early next month.

April goals

as i begin a new month, i'm setting up a few new goals to help give me focus. april is going to be a pivotal month for me, for a lot of reasons, most unrelated to weight loss. weight loss and fitness are going to be huge and important this month, though, and i think i'll be crossing some big milestones. the word of the day, week, month, and possibly year is FOCUS. i tend to get distracted, dragged down, and discouraged far too easily. to keep that from happening i'm going to focus on the smaller goals- more on the 4-6 week level thatn the 4-6 month level.
that said, here are my goals for april:

Size 12. period. it *was* my goal for march, but the cleanse- as awesome and effective as it was- didn't lend itself to exercise, which is my major source of inch loss. right now i have two pair of size 12 jeans. i can get both pair up and over my bum comfortably and one i can button and zip without much effort- the problem is the majestic muffin top. yeah, that's not acceptable. i've got a pretty good workout plan mapped out for the next 6-10 weeks (which i'll lay out in another post), so i really and truly think it's doable. for me 14 to 12 is always the hardest size gap to bridge, so i would love to say oh, i can easily get down to an 8 by the end of may, but i'm not looking that far ahead. April. Size 12. i don't know what that is going to look like in pounds lost. it could be anywhere from 8 to 20 lbs. i honestly have no idea, and if i am losing inches, i don't really care. i have weighed 130 and worn a size 10, and i have weighed 160 and worn a size 8. i couldnt tell ya. ;-)

an equally large goal for me is this: i want to complete 6 workouts a week every week this month. consistency is my biggest struggle- which you likely already know. so. 24 days of working out this month.

size 12.
24 workouts.
starting tomorrow.
let's go.

Whoa! i SEE something!

So, i forgot to come write a post summarizing the results of my cleanse, and something happened this morning to remind me-so here we go.

i lost 14 lbs in 2 weeks. i also lost an inch each off my waist, hips and each thigh. i feel amazing. i don't crave, or honestly even want junk food anymore. i ate a poopload of pizza last friday because my brain said i wanted it, but my body let me know all weekend that we are not interested in that anymore. it;s been a week and a half back on "regular" food now, and i'm keepin it off! i worked out on saturday- trying a HIIT circuit that i designed myself, and it was TOUGH but so good. i can't wait to really get into it and start feeling stronger.
not just feeling the difference, though- i'm starting to *see* it. Scott has seen it ever since the last day of the cleanse. my mom even noticed. the High School girlies and some friends at church have noticed. but for me, it's been hard to see. i've caught a glimpse or two, but nothing major. until this morning. I'm dressed for today's workout. one less excuse when it's time, right? ;-) i got up to go to the kitchen to make tea, and i saw this:

it kinda caught me off guard! i was aware of my body changing, and i know i'm still toward the beginning of the journey, but i see it! Just for official record keeping and whatnot, i took a second picture.



So, yeah, while still a long way to go, i am getting someplace, and i can't discount that. :-)

blinders on.

i didn't know what to call this post. it;s about a lot of things, mostly weight loss related, but some of it is just LIFE and learning how to live it without giving up and giving in to the things that try to drag me down. WARNING: it's likely that my faith and how it affects my life will come thru in this post- i'd say i'm sorry for that to those who don't believe as i do, but i'm not, and i'm done apologizing for who i am.

ok, a lot of you know that my main motivation for weight loss is to be as healthy as i can and get pregnant as fast as i can. 2 weeks ago i was at my highest weight in a long time. my period was also supposed to come any minute,m and i just felt awful. i started a cleanse/diet on the 6th, and in the first week i lost 11.6 lbs. that's the most weight i;ve ever lost in a week, and with only one bout of exercise! i was psyched tpo start week 2.

Well, this week has been harder- the batch of soup i was eating (the backbone of the diet) went sour- literally, and i had to make more, but it took me a couple days to give up on that first batch, so i was pretty weak and emotional. yesterday, armed with new soup, i thought would be better, until i happened to look at some pics of my beautiful nieces on Facebook. i fell absolutely to pieces for an hour. this hasn't happened in a really long time, and i don't really know why it did yesterday, except maybe that i felt/feel stuck, because my period is 2 weeks late and it's like i'm in a holding pattern on that whole subject. when scott came home for lunch, we had an amazing talk, where he told me that i'm not a failure as a woman for not having kids yet, and reminded me that we are on this journey together and lots of other good stuff. we decided to take a pregnancy test in the morning. i felt so much better.

this morning i woke up, took the test, which was, not surprisingly, negative. it was less disappointing than frustrating, because now there is no good reason for a late period, and we are still in this holding pattern. then i thought, well, i;ve probably at least lost some weight, so let me step on the scale. NEGATIVE! i was UP 3 lbs from monday instead of DOWN 5 or so like i;d expected. ARGH! i went in the kitchen, made my steak (it;s steak day on the diet) and ate it, while listening to "running to you" by the newsboys. (i love my newsboys, and get to tell them so in person in 3 days, YAY!) the song renewed me a bit, and got me thinking that God loves me jsut as i am, and His plan is so much greater than mine. maybe He's giving me time to lose this weight and get my cycle more regualr so i can have a healthier baby, maybe i'm up a few lbs today because my period actually is coming, maybe i jsut need to chill the crap out and enjoy the beautiful day. i shared this thought on Facebook, and some dear ones backed me up with encouragement. i texted a friend about the weight thing, and she told me to grab some dieters tea to help my digestive system. well, i thought, i have 2 choices. i can either tell scott i need this like a bum, or get myself out into the fresh air and walk a mile or so! i did the latter.

i'm definitely feeling renewed on a few levels, and am so thankful for the husband, friends, and family God has blessed me with! more soon!

Fitness Gear

I Talk a lot about my gear when i write about my workouts but i never really explain what i have or its particular purpose. so here's a rundown of the equipment i use in my workouts.


first: The electronics:

• In the top of this picture you see the best piece of exercise gear i have ever purchased- it is the amphibix armband-which comes in sizes to fit any MP3 player- and surge headphones this makes it possible to listen to music while i swim!!!!. i'm a huge fan! having this makes my swims go so much faster and judging from sunday- more productively! HUGELY reccomended!
• Next is my heart rate monitor. this one is an older reebok model that they likely have replaced with something better, but in a cardio or circuit workout it's indespensable for tracking calories burned and being sure your heart rate is in the correct zone.
• on the bottom left is the Nike+ipod gear i got when i got my Nano back on 06. it's very cool. the armband is made to fit the nano when you are using the sensor and reciever with it- most armbands won't accomodate the sensor. the sensor and reciever kit is great for use with your ipod nano and any Nike+ sneakers- these sneakers (mine are the pink ones featured in a previous post about shoes) have a place in them for the sensor to fit. i've not been using this stuff much lately because Nike+ has come with an app for the iphone that tracks tyour run the same way but uses GPS and the accelerometer.
  
• on the bottom right are my ifrogz earbuds. i love anything made by this company. period.
  

Next, we have my vast and lovely collection of resistance training gear.

• Beachbody B-lines resistance bands- love these. the handles are interchangable and each band provides a different level of resistance.Versatile and fantastic for travel and strength training on the go.
• dumbells. i have them in 3,5,8, and 10 lbs. i prefer the neoprene coated ones as they are not cold when you pick them up and don't get rusty!
  
• small medicine balls. i think these are 5 and 10 lbs. i haven't used them recently but they are awesome for adding some variety to your workout! passing them back and forth in a number of ways with a partner can be a really fun way to tone up!
• beachbody hand weights-at one pound each, these can add some resistance to any cardio workout! LOVE!

Yoga/Pilates gear

• Mat- totally neccesary for any workout of this type.
  
• strap and blocks- helps provide form and stability for harder moves
  

Last but not least- recovery gear! i tend to injure myself and i have past injuries that flare up- for this reason i have ankle braces, a knee brace (not pictured) and this micowavable back hot pad.
So, there's my gear. next week- ill give you a rundown of the DVD programs i own and love and the ones i've been unimpressed by. :-)