Confusing.

Last Friday I hit my lowest weight since before I got pregnant. (I hit my lowest in 8 years while pregnant.) I was really excited, since I haven't worked out since June and hasn't weighed myself in ages. Then I saw some pictures from when we took Lexi to play in the fountain at a local mall. I looked HUGE (for me) in these pictures, and not at all the way I look in the mirror. I'm confused, frustrated, and a little heartbroken. I know part of it is the way my skin hasn't pulled back in around my middle, but it looks like fat and makes me want to cry and throw up. I don't want to look like a supermodel. I just want to be healthy and not cringe when I see pictures of myself with Lexi. 

Possible TMI but an important health/fertility milestone.

I got my period today. One week and two days before Lexi's first birthday. Almost 21 months to the day since my last one. I'm having so many emotional reactions. Sadness, because somehow it feels like a mark of the end of Lexi's babyhood, relief and hope because it feels like my body is doing what it should, which bodes well for hope for more babies...and I'm not sure what else. I do know that I feel so thankful for Lexi and all I'm blessed with through her and the miracle that is her life every day. I think this reminds me of that too.