Velocity(it ain't just a church!)

Know what? If my goal is truly to be healthier and stronger and I'm not trying to reach some ridiculous tiny size, then I need only to keep moving forward during this time of adjustment. It doesn't need to be all or nothing, success or failure. Goals, yes, but celebrating the small things too. I'm too hard on myself and that causes me to shut down if I can't reach this made up standard. Laaaaame. That's not what I wanna be teaching Lexi and its not healthy. I need not just speed toward my goals, but direction. Velocity.

Perception vs Reality

So, lately every time I go out or see people, I'm told "wow! You look great!" And my first reaction internally is to want to argue. I'm polite and thankful, so I just thank them, but inside I think at best that's just what you say to a new mom, but more likely they are just plain lying, because, yuck! I look terrible! Don't I?
I won't step on the scale. Not because I'm scared so much as because it's never been an accurate measure of where I am. Today I did something that felt both desperate and brave. I tried on the pants I wore before I started wearing maternity clothes. I know what my perspective has been-that I'm gross, and the extra 15lbs or so that I've left from my pregnancy is making me look just massive. I needed to temper that with reality. Reality is this: I can button, zip, and with the right top, conceivably wear the jeans I wore last thanksgiving-when I was about 6 weeks pregnant with Lexi. I'm not able to do that with the pants I wore a month later on Christmas, because I actually lost 8 lbs during that month, but that's ok. I have a little muffin top and a pooch of fat below my navel, and that's ok too. My arms are not the "guns" they were a year ago, but they will be, and sooner than even I think. The truth is that every ounce and every extra inch will be a pleasure to work off because of the reason I gained it. I've gotten my food back on track, I've started doing Yoga again, and I'll be ramping up a bit each week until I'm back at the level I was back in January of this year when I started staying home. I've gotten a reality check, and it's time to enjoy this journey, get disciplined, and not beat myself into a depression.

Mama pride

These are a few of my favorite shots of Lexi. It's hard to pick just a few because I take so many and she's so pretty, but I have done my best. I guess this post is on topic because she's the motivation and the payoff for my hard work and the reason I can't wait to get my rear back in gear! So, enjoy!

back to work!

So, my pregnancy was possibly the easiest ever. Seriously. i had not one speedbump or complication. the labor was looooong- as you may have read- and it was about as complicated as it could be without there being any danger to either of us. all in all a great experience, and life changing.
Since giving birth i feel like all the strength i was unearthing in 2011 has come into full view for me and i see myself not as a repeat and constant failure, but as a conqueror who has the ability to face challenges and push through and be patient to achieve incredible results.
with that in mind, i've gotta get moving again. Gotta get the small amount of baby weight i gained off, and finish my journey to my maintenance weight/size and then set challenges for myself to keep getting stronger. kinda fun to think that at some point my fitness journey will cease to have a weight loss component and truly be about getting stronger and more flexible. one thing it has now that it never did before is an audience. not you, Dear Readers, but my daughter. she watches me so closely, and i need to model for her a healthy journey. not self loathing, not breaking myself down, but setting a goal and finding a healthy path to that goal. sometimes i'll falter, and that's ok. she will see me get back up and back on track. health is an everyday journey, not a one time trip. i'm hoping to get back to where i was last christmas by this christmas or at least close.  Breastfeeding has been awesome, but made me constantly hungry. i'm doing well lately at filling my belly with the right stuff, but i don't think i'm gonna actually lose weight until i get the body in motion. more on that plan is coming soon...