time to adjust again

this morning my alarm didn't go off at 5:30- no idea why. the 6AM alarm did go off, and i bounced up, ate, and got down to the pool. i knew pretty much right away it was gonna be a rough one-the water felt like molasses- but i figured it'd get easier. it really didn't, and i felt like i was going to be sick. i did 6 sets- all in the 2:30's- and half of a 7th. at that point i knew i needed to call it done for today on the swimming. i hated quitting early, but i didn't want to risk not bein able to swim tomorrow from being overtired, or worse, drowning because in my exhaustion i inhaled water. i came home, showered, and rested awhile- the nausea and headache didn't fade. at 9:30, i started-for the first time- level 2 of Jillian Michaels' Six week Six pack. i struggled, but got through it. I'd say over half of it is lunge based or otherwise aggravates my still sore knee. most of those lunge based moves also didn't seem to be engaging my abs in a way i could feel very much- this might have been in part because due to my injury i wasn't able to get as deep into them as i'd like- standing ab moves are also usually less intense but still effective anyway. This led me to create a circuit that combines all my favorite no impact ab moves with a few cardio intervals, so i can get a great ab workout while my knee finishes healing. it's a little sore right now, but i don't think i made it worse during today's workout, so that's good.
it's funny that this happened on a day when i swam so badly- the first swim workout that i started without finishing in almost 2 months of swimming!!!! - but i'm finally at the point where i WANT to work out during the day- by which i mean right now, i am dying to get up and moving-swim, abs, arms, whatever- but i'm holding off because i really want to be able to swim hard tomorrow and friday and saturday. i'm irritated that i missed my swim yesterday, and that today's went so badly, so i don't want to do anything to hurt the rest of the week. i've also been spending no time at the pool lately. hoping to change that tomorrow and friday.
oh, and as long as i do some kind of workout tomorrow, i'll finish June at 22 workouts! that may be an all time record for me-i don't think i've ever had a month where i only missed 3 scheduled workouts before. here's shooting to miss even fewer in july!

186.4

that's this week's official weigh in. i can't believe it. i mean, i know i've earned it. i know i've been working hard enough. wowsers. it;s literally been almost 6 years since i saw any number in the 180's on my scale- until last week. when i weighed in ay 189.8 last monday, i thought "it'd be awesome to see 185 next week..." but, like any good Biggest Loser Devotee i knew better-if you dropped a big number this week, next week will be small. that;s how it goes, and i was prepared. Well look at this. big numbers 2 weeks in a row! (i'm gonna estimate last week at about a 4lb drop- it's hard to say because i was a bad girl and weighed myself too often, but it's between 3-6.) I'M SO VERY EXCITED!

That good news was needed as i woke up this morning, because i missed my swim today. :-( i just could not get to sleep last night. it was probably close to 1 am when i finally drifted off. i slept in late today (around 9:20) and decided not to beat myself up. i'll do a little strength training at some point, but i think my body does need a teeny break. i've been pushing really hard in the pool, and i don't wanna overtrain and burn out. i have this mentality of "well on the Biggest Loser..." but reality is that i am not surrounded by medical professionals and as much as i know about training, i'm not Bob or Jillian. i need to do what *I* can do and do it well.
i started panicking last night a little bit- What am i gonna do when it's too cold to swim outside? well, it'll take a little more determination, and a bit more time, but i'm just gonna have to take my act to the gym. i've still got a solid 10-12 weeks here at our apt pool though. i do have to have a solid plan, though, because maintenance is the toughest part.
oh! Measurements.

Weight: 186.4 (3.4/23.6)
Waist: 32 (.5/4)
Hips: 42.25 (.75/3.75)
Thigh: 23.25 (.75/2.75)
Bicep: 11.5 (0/1.5)

as requested...

here is my side by side progress shot:

Gotta get up on Friday...

i didn't want to though. and i definitely didn't want to swim today. it was my best swim yet though, as far as lap times go-every set (10 sets) was under 2:45 and 9/10 were under 2:40. that's mind blowing for me- especially when you consider it's the 5th swim of the week and the first week of doing 10 sets instead of the 8 that i did for the first 6 weeks. i've had to fight for every stroke and kick this week, but it's amazing and exhilarating to see and feel how strong i am getting. i realized this morning as i changed out of my swimsuit that weight loss is not my only reward along this journey. i am getting stronger and faster. i'm still working at my stroke, and i know it'll improve along the way too. i know my breaks between lap sets are a bit longer this week, but i also think that's understandable considering how hard i'm working. that'll improve too.
Strength training this week has been not so great- mostly because the swimming has been exhaisting and i don't want to overtrain, but also because i messed up my knee fairly badly at the beach last week, and i'm trying not to prolong the healing- which limits the exercises i can do more than i initially realized- but i've done a little ab and arm work wed and thurs, and i'm going to do some today-or possibly tonight. monday starts level 2 of my Jillian workouts and i'm both excited and trepidatious about that.
let me end this post by sharing this: one of the brightest moments of my day is when i walk in the bedroom after i swim and my husband is lying there alseep, but he wakes up and grets me with a sweet smile and tells me how proud he is of me for how hard i work. it means so much that he sees it and feels that.

here's a pic!

here's a shot of me in some size 12 shorts that a week ago i could not even zip. go figure. they are still tight but go on and off easily. :-)

*Click*

i didn't know what to call this post, because it's a big deal to me- and hopefully to those of you on this journey with me. It's happened. something clicked in my body, and the weight is coming off. FINALLY.
Back in March, i lost 14 lbs from the cleanse i did, and in april managed to drop another 2 while Scott was in the Philippines, leaving me at 191.8 putting me 18 lbs down from my discouraging weight of 210 on christmas day. Then the week he got back, i started swimming and immediately gained 4 lbs. those 4 lbs hung on and on. until this monday. yesterday, i weighed in at 191.2. i laughed maniacally for a few minutes while i stirred berries into my oatmeal and headed out for the hardest swim of my week. ugh. gotta love mondays.
on a whim, i stepped on the scale again this morning and saw the number i have been praying for: 189.8!!!! i am OUT of the 190's! now, i don't know how much muscle i've gained and how much fat i've lost, but i'm incredibly excited that ALL the hard work i've put in the past months and particularly the past 6 weeks is starting to pay off. based on how things fit today, i'm estimating that i will be able to wear my size 12 jeans comfortably before my birthday. i'd love to shoot for being able to wear 10's by then, but it doesn't look too likely, even now. and that's ok. one day at a time. i said last week or sometime recently that that scale isn't a reliable measure, and i stick by that- unfortunately i did not measure myself at all the measurable points yesterday morning, but i hit the big ones. :-D

i'll present the numbers like this: Starting/current (lost)

Weight: 210/189.8 (20.2)
Waist: 36/32.5 (3.5)
hip: 46/43 (3)
thigh: 26/24 (2)
arm (at bicep):13/11.5 (1.5)

so... that's a start.
i've another 4-5 inches to lose of my waist and hips each, and 6 more off my thighs, so while it's a good start, it is jsut that. i'm really excited at my progress though, and can't wait to see it increase!

Happy Monday!

Hey y'all! i enjoyed my day off from exercise immensely, and am so proud of myself for getting up early and getting right back in that pool! my swim today was almost as good as saturday's! i only get to work out three days this week instead of six, because scott and i are going to VB for my sister's Graduation and a much needed vacation. i am going to try to at least get a solid hour of walking in each day as we do stuff, but no swimming or Jillian Th-Sat. that makes me a bit nervous, but i think what counts is making sure i continue to eat well and that i get right back to it next monday.

i also weighed in today. (cue ominous music!) and i'm down 2.5 lbs from where i was when i last weighed in-which is still UP 2 lbs from my lowest in late april. i have no idea what is up with that. i do know i'm getting stronger by far though and that i am starting to get smaller. These facts have reminded me that when i've successfully lost weight in the past, the measurement hasn't been based on the scale but on a measuring tape. inches are a much better measure of my progress than pounds lost. i'm still going to weigh in as soon as i get up on monday mornings, but i'm also going to measure, because i think that will give me a more realistic idea of how i'm doing. i'm really excited to see the differences that come from these lifestyle changes we are making due to friday's reading, and i know there are many good things ahead. if i can navigate the second half of this week without splurging too much, i'll feel really good weighing/measuring monday.

Finishing Strong

if anything has developed in me the past few months of really working at getting healthy it's determination and a deep commitment not to quit or give up, no matter how dark things look, or how hopeless i feel at a given moment (and, even if it has not come across on here, i've had some *very* dark days and felt very hopeless at times recently). i started strong, way back in early march with that cleanse, and i am determined to finish strong. today i got a bit of a reward for my determination and sticktoitiveness. No, the scale has not budged yet, that i know of- official weigh in is 5:30 monday morning! I did, however, have my best swim yet! imagine that-my 6th swim in a row, 2 really tough strength workouts this week, and today, every lap set was under 3 minutes. that is a new record for me. i took shorter breaks, too. i'm really proud of that. it bodes well for the first half of this coming week, because i am going to have to go big mon-wed to make up for missing the second half of the week's workouts. today and tomorrow there will be much stretching. :-)

something else i want to talk about in this post is the book i read yesterday- Master Your Metabolism by Jillian Michaels. if you have not read this book, please do yourself a favor and go pick it up posthaste! :-D a lot of the info in it is kinda scary to read, but after sleeping on it, i'm kinda filtering out what's applicable to my life. a lot of it i already knew and was doing, because PCOS is an endocrine/metabolic disorder at heart, and in order to manage it even as well as i have thus far, i;ve had to learn a number of the food parts. the stuff that was new to me was the science behind a lot of the practices i've been keeping "to manage my metabolism" without fully understanding how they were helping. somehow understanding the why and how helps me feel more equipped to take this on. there are going to be some changes in how i eat based on what i read- not many, or any drastic ones, but we are going to work toward being as organic as possible in our food choices. not for any green-eco friendly-environmental reasons per se, but because there are entirely too many chemicals and fake things in the modern diet. i was pelasantly surprised when i went through Jillian's chapter on cleaning out your food supply of the main toxins, that there were only a handful of items that had to go- and i had NO High Fructose Corn Syrup in my house! WOOOOOT! these changes will likely make groceries a bit more costy, but i also think they will go far in making a happier and healthier life.

Finally, i'll share one thing i've already changed- and i'm kinda embarrassed to admit this-up till now, i've been swimming on an empty stomach- not because i falsely beleived, like many, that you burn more fat calories by doing so, but because i am already getting up really early and could not fathom how i could get up earlier enough to get food in my tummy and let it settle before going to swim- well, once i read the science behind why that's just not a good plan, i knew i had to at least try- so this morning i had a bowl of oatmeal and still got out the door in the same amount of time it usually takes, and my breakfast didnt make my stomach cramp during my swim, so... YAY!

it should just be a mattter of math. but it SO isn't.

the above is me pretty much every day. it should be a matter of calories in vs calories out. but it isn't. if it were, i'd be down at least 13.88 lbs in the past 5 weeks since i started swimming. as far as i know (i'm not weighing in until monday morning) i'm not down any weight at all- last i weighed in i was UP 4 lbs. that's not right! i know muscle weighs more than fat, i know i'm building a lot of that right now, and i know that will help me lose weight faster long term- but holy crap, y'all- this is frustrating! i got an email yesterday with a sample day from a Biggest Loser contestant's (the most recent at home winner) food journal. it was almost exactly the same number of calories i took in on tuesday that i outlined here yesterday. it's frustrating, but the good news is i know i'm doing the right thing, and i'm gonna keep on doing it. i have a secret hope that when i weigh in on Monday i'll have a surprise waiting for me. i also think my recovery half week next week will see me dropping a few pounds as my body gets a chance to heal from all i;ve been putting it through.

update time!

ok, so i swam 5x and did my strength program 2x last week. not too shabby. i missed swimming saturday because our apartment was flooded with wastewater. ICKY!!!!! i wasn't able to strength train monday either because of that, but as of now (Wed at 8:15 AM) i have gotten my swim in all three mornings and done my strength program once. i'll be doing strength again today at 9. i'm hoping to finish out this week's workouts (3 more swims and 2 more days of strength) solidly and have a good rest on sunday. it;s super important that i work out solidly and consistently next mon-wed because thurs-sat we are gonna be on a mini vacation! i'm wrestling with myself over missing those 3 workouts, but i think we need the vacation, so it;s just a matter of kickin it back into gear on the following Monday. one day at a time, right?

let's call this my own personal FAQ...

So, in sharing my journey with people-most of whom love and care about me-i find that everyone has an opinion and advice on weight loss, and while i'm very thankful they care, it's frustrating because 90% at least just doesn't apply, for one of a few reasons. it;s not that I don't want advice or encouragement- i scour articles and such looking for that magic piece of information that will make this all easier or more effective- but most weight loss advice out there is for "normal" people. i'll expand on that below.

Recently i was sharing my heart, my struggles, and my insecurities with a loved one. i said something along the lines of " i feel like people think i must be lazy and eating like a pig." and her response was something like "who cares what people think? God loves you and you are precious to Him." Well, the second part of that is very true, and i don't doubt it a bit-but it actually *does* matter what people think- because they are *constantly* telling me "well if you just ate better" or "just go for a short walk and it'll melt right off." So, with that in mind, here are some thoughts i'd like to share so you all can understand me better.

1. This is NOT about vanity. I'm not gonna lie and say i don't care how i look, that i'm not insecure , or that i don't compare myself to my naturally thin and drop dead gorgeous sister and sister in law. i do. more often than i should. But i also know that curves are beautiful and sexy, and mine! i love the general shape of my body, and i don't want to be a stick figure! (and for what it's worth, i think my curvier sister is JUST as gorgeous as the skinny one!) This is about being healthy- and even more specifically about having a baby. (yes, i know overweight people have babies all the time, but i also know that it;s not likely, or maybe even not possible for me to get or stay pregnant as i am now- as evidenced by the fact that I am not pregnant after 5 months off the pill. More on the why of that later.)
2. This is not about Food. I do splurge once in awhile and eat more than i should, but may i please say here once and for all that i am not overweight because of how i eat as a habit. i'd like to illustrate this by giving you a typical day in my diet. This has been a typical day for 8 years, people. it is not a new thing, nor am i making it up. this was yesterday.
   

Breakfast: smoothie made from 2 small bananas, 3/4 cup almond milk, 1 serving whey protein.(300 calories)
post workout snack: protein shake made with 1% milk (200 calories)
Lunch: salad made with 5 cups romaine lettuce, 1 can tuna, and 2 tbsp cilantro dressing (200 calories)
Dinner: 2 lean pockets (got asked to babysit last minute so in a rush) (520 calories)
the grand total for yesterday- an entirely typical day- even with dinner on the run- 1320 calories. The minimum recommended calorie consumption to keep from starvation mode is 1200. can we please stop with the calorie cutting advice? i also almost never eat bread or pasta- and rice only if it is brown or if i'm at a restaurant where all they have is white. low carb has been a lifestyle for 8 years as well.
3. This is not a lack of exercise. I'll admit that consistency in exercise at the beginning is a struggle for me, but that is largely due to constant fatigue from my PCOS. however- for the past month i have been VERY consistent. for the past 5 weeks i have exercised at least 3 times a weeks for at least 35 minutes of sustained intense cardio (swimming or hiking) and the past 3 weeks i have done 20-60 minutes of High Intensity Interval Training with cardio and weights at least twice a week. before that it was less consistent but still happening fairly regularly.
4. PCOS has EVERYTHING to do with this. since i was 11, i've had a number of things plaguing me medically and emotionally- when i was 18, i discovered that almost all of them were related and explainable by one very silent disease that is incredibly common and presents differently in every woman who has it. (though it seems the weight struggle is a common denominator) i started eating low carb when i was 20 to help treat it. when i was 23, i finally was able to start treating it for real with the help of a doctor. i know it;s invisible, and i know that makes it harder to understand, but PCOS is no joke. i don't think anyone i know who doesn't have it or isn't married to someone who does really understands that it can affect everything in one's life. i've told women that i have gone 13 months with no period and they have laughed and said they;d love that. no. no you wouldn't. all i can describe it as is being in a constant state of PMS for over a year. it's awful. even now it's only been 2 months and i feel like poo. Worse than the mood swings and the weight struggle and the fatigue though is that if i'm not ovulating, i cannot get pregnant. it is that simple. And yes, i'm fully aware that adoption is a wonderful thing-and we fully plan on doing that also- but my heart;s desire is to have our own biological children as well. we know we CAN get pregnant- there is some magic switch that flips at a certain level of health-and THAT is what i am working for.

Thanks for reading all this and thanks so much for your support!

getting stronger

so, this is sadly not the post where i announce that my fat burners have woken up and i'm dropping inches like crazy. However, it is the first of many posts where i tell you i feel stronger. i've never been an athlete- i *always* hated gym class-but strength/weight training has been something i've at least gotten some pleasure out of since i discovered weight lifting my freshman yesar of high school. i think i liked having the measurable progress of "i did this last week and it;s so much easier this week" or "wow i can do more reps and sets than before!" i've always been results driven.
with swimming, at least for me, that progress is a bit harder to measure in the short term because it's cardio and resistance training at the same time, which i guess is what makes it such intense cardio. anyhoo- last week's swims were SO hard. i did them every morning but every single morning i just wanted to give up. this week has been different. it's not been easy by any stretch, but i'm getting to the point where i can finish my set of laps (i'm currently doing 8 sets of 4 laps with a 20 sec breather between sets) without getting all gaspy and flaily, and that's nice. i'm still relieved when i'm done for the day, but i definitely don't feel like crying because it's so hard anymore.
another area where i know i am getting stronger is this: i have added full body resistance training this week. Last week i had tried out the Six week Six pack workout and found it to be great, so this week i have added upper and lower body work, and though it's really hard while i'm doing it, i love how i feel afterwards and am amazed that the soreness from it has not affected my swimming negatively. (current average time for a set of 4 laps is 3:10) Also, i am definitely getting stronger in each of the three strength training workouts i'm doing. during the upper body workout yesterday i was amazed at how many more reps of each move i was doing. there's only one strength move that i want to do but am struggling with (it involves a side plank with knee raises), and even for that i have a plan to build up to it! :-)
My sleep schedule has normalized, and that is awesome-now i'm just looking forward to when my energy level improves. seems like i've got enough energy to sleep and cook and exercise and not much else these days.

saw the video for this song this morning-made me bawl like a baby.

wednesday workout notes

i woke up at 5:45 this morning and got in the pool at 6:25. i took my time getting ready. ;-) swim went awesome and i'm really proud of myself for getting up. with having Kelly here i knew my schedule was gonna be off a bit, and sure enough, because her skin is so fair we elected to have pool time from 9-11 before the sun got too high. i swam a few laps with her, and mostly jsut splashed around. i was gonna work out when we got home, but because i had eaten breakfast so early- at 7- it was time to eat when we got home. on top of that, i'm really sore and tired from yesterday and from being up early. i'm not sure if i'll come back around to strength train, but i'm going to definitely pick it back up tomorrow and friday. i'll letcha know what happens. :-D