i'm BACK BAYBEE!

so, i went back to the gym on thursday- which was step one in getting my program back on track. that day i did all my strength work, but headed home before cycle cuz i just didn't feel ready. the hardest part was trusting my gut and not beating myself up all day.  Friday, however, i returned full force! i did every set and rep of my strength work, hopped in the pool, knocked out my 40 lengths, hopped out, dried off then did an hour of yoga with Kim. :-) kim always likes to crank it up and challenge us, and this was no exception-we worked on Warrior III for probably a solid 10 min. i used to be intimidated by Kim, but now i am really starting to appreciate her for helping me challenge myself! Saturday we went to cycle, and Though she *said* she'd go easy on us, by the end, even Kathi had to admit she'd worked us hard! It was Zumba Party in Pink day (i lent scott a tee, and i don't think i'm getting it back!) and, since one of my friends saw me checking it out, i ended up taking part in the last 20 min or so of the Zumbathon! it was my first Zumba, and it was fun, but probably not going to dethrone cycle as my Go-to cardio- might throw it in once in awhile to surprise the muscles though.

                                                      yeah my eyes are closed but look at all the pink!

Today went much like friday- cranked out the strength work, which was slightly lighter on the abs and buns since i knew Krisit would take care of me in those areas in Pilates, then, in Pilates, i finally felt like i wasn't wasting my time! i've done a lot of pilates over the years, and i was initially- for a few weeks- frustrated with the gap between my expectations of a pilates  class and the way Kristi teaches- no longer. today i truly enjoyed the whole class, and am really looking forward to next week. Finally, came the icing on my monday workout cake! Gentle Yoga with Shelle! i love this class, and how totally relaxed i feel coming out of it . Tonight i'm going back for another helping- Yin Yoga with Shelle at 7 pm!

pencil to paper update #1

it's been a cuckoo crazy couple weeks. lotsa thoughts to share.
1. the fertility drugs were a no-go last month. i'm mostly ok about that, because i know God's got this, and i can be patient. the hard part was having to take the Provera again. but, i'm on the other side of that, and tomorrow i start the Clomid.
2. i haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks (13 days.)  i haven't been slacking, it's just been a forced 2 days for impact, being sick when we got home, and then the provera for the past week. tomorrow i'm heading back and i'm gonna rock it out. i've also been thinking that i can't think of getting pregnant as something that is for sure going to change things in the fitness arena- i think i need to be determined not to let it unless the doctor says i need to chill (which, knowing him, is unlikely.) because if i start making excuses for myself early on, i'm never gonna reach or maintain what i want. i have hated being a bum the past 2 weeks, but to be honest, i;ve started to adjust to it, and that SCARES me! so, here is my resolution: NO skipped workouts, period- unless the gym is closed that day, i have to go. i definitely felt like garbage during my most recent workouts, but i still kicked butt, so no excuses!!! i'm a little scared to jump back in tomorrow, because it's my most hardcore workout day of the week, but i absolutely have to.
3. i'm not sure if i've shared this, so here goes. as much as i've been aching and cryin g to have a baby, i'm really conflicted the past month. i feel like i've never been this happy and content and complete in my life. i've fallen in LOVE with my workouts and am healthier than ever, my marriage is the best it's EVER been, i have an incredible church family who loves me, i'm involved in a youth ministry that i see God doing HUGE things in,  my relationships with my siblings, parents, in-laws, etc are the best they've ever been, and we are 2 months from being out of debt. I want to be a mother, but i'm questioning if i want it *right now.* i sometimes feel like i wanna reach my fitness goals and enjoy all we have worked for with getting out of debt before we change everything. The bottom line is, though that i'm not getting any younger, and since fertility is an issue, i don't feel like i have the option of waiting if i want a bio baby. i know that i need to see this Clomid thing through, and if that doesn't work out, then that's the answer, and we move on toward adoption and foster care. above all, i gotta leave it in Hands that are bigger and stronger than my own. :-)

shirt from when i was in HS and size 10 pants.

That is all.