Update 6/21

So I meant to do this more often, but it's a roller coaster in my head, so here we are. 

I've got two therapy sessions under my belt, and I'm really feeling good about this in a long term view, though it's really scary and overwhelming to think about the work. I love my therapist already and I am relieved to be heard and excited to work with her. 

I'm able to do three sets of twenty push ups! That came pretty quickly, but I haven't pushed for 25 because, for now, I'm kinda content with 20. Maybe in a couple weeks. 

I'm probably not gonna be comfortable in those shorts/capris by my birthday, and that's ok. I've been through a lot mentally the past few weeks, and I have to be fair to myself. 

The plan between now and my birthday is this:

Th: strength workout, cardio workout/3 sets push ups 

F: strength/cardio 

Sa: strength/cardio/walk

Su: REST

M: strength/cardio

Tu: strength/cardio (+cycle?)

Wed: walk/yoga

Th: walk/yoga

F: yoga/travel

Sa: wedding 

Su: Dad's bday/travel 

M: birthday! (Yoga/walk I hope) 

Tuesday: start new plan

6/5 Check in- good, bad, ugly

Ok, so the past week was one of both progress and frustration. I'm gonna break down what was good, what was bad, and what was downright ugly. 

Good: I'm definitely getting stronger and fitter-for the most part I'm able to get through each circuit without pausing for a break, which used to be "normal" but 2 weeks ago was impossible. I'm also making progress toward my goal of doing sets of twenty push ups again. Food went pretty well too overall. 

Bad: the UTI symptoms I've been dealing with off and on since late April came back, and that triggered my anxiety in all kinds of ways. I'm almost through my antibiotics so let's hope this kicks it for good. Also, I'm not seeing giant impressive shrinking progress and that's really discouraging me. I made the  mistake of getting on the scale, and that wasn't great either-and I should've known better. I stayed up too late pretty much every night last week so I'm nowhere near where I need to be normalizing my sleep. 

The UGLY: my anxiety is just terrible. It was getting better day to day, but, maybe from pushing myself to do all the things last weekend and then staying up too late and all the workouts...it was all too much. It wouldn't surprise me if the UTI symptoms aren't from a UTI but from my anxiety. Even now I'm terrified about everything and nothing. 

So, clearly I need to find a way to refocus and charge ahead to achieve my goals and improve quality of life for my whole family, despite not feeling great about how things are going right now. 

Today the plan is: 

1 -2 set push-ups 

Feed kids

Feed self/devotions

School

Third set push ups

Workout-focus on strength training moves but do cardio intervals as able 

Protein shake

Lunch for kids

Workout 2- same focus 

Lunch for me

Do something creative with Lexi

Make dinner 

Family time 

That's all I can really worry about-what I can actually do-I can't control the results I get from the workouts, but I can give them my best and know I will get stronger, especially if I prioritize rest as well. 

Bonus good: I have started contact with a therapist who I feel is a great fit for me and though it will be a bit of a wait, I'm hopeful of what we can accomplish! 

***update I just did 20 push-ups in my first set!