The Story So Far...

Lexi is sleeping, my oatmeal is cooking, coffee is brewing, and my mind is racing. I'm having to do something I haven't had to in a long time. Give myself a pep talk on realistic expectations. These first 2 weeks (of exercise) will be the hardest, both physically and emotionally. I probably won't see results for at least that long, I'm gonna be sore, tired, discouraged, and wanna give up-maybe doubly so on all these things because I have a baby to care for now too-but I can't. For myself, for Lexi, for Scott, I cannot. I am strong enough mentally and physically, to get back on track and get stronger than i've ever been. All this has made me reflect on the past 2 years and what my body has accomplished in that time.
2 years ago, on 1/31, I weighed 210 lbs. I was in terrible shape and my PCOS was out of control. I wanted a baby so badly my heart was breaking, but I knew there was at least 30-60 lbs in my way. So I got started. In early march, I did a 2 week cleanse and lost 17 lbs. that gave me the boost I needed mentally to keep going. Slowly, I started, along with eating clean, to develop an exercise routine that would deliver results. There were some bumps in the road with joint pain and injuries, but in late April, I started swimming. 6 days a week, lap after lap. Then I read Master Your Metabolism and EVERYTHING changed. I don't diet. It's temporary and pointless and not real life. This book is really about lifestyle change, and it made so much sense, especially for someone with an endocrine disorder. We needed to start eating cleaner as far as the quality of what we were putting in our bodies-quantity has never been a problem for me except at my Grandma's house ;-)- so we've gone about 80% organic and 100% hormone/antibiotic free, and started eating sooo many more fresh fruits and veggies. Scott dropped 20lbs immediately. I dropped about 10 over a month, but I was working out a ton and getting leaner and stronger. I'd added some DVDs to the swimming, and I was seeing results. Then I decided I was ready to start going to the gym. Initially I was just using the weights and elliptical, then I tried a BodyCombat class. I loved it, but it was killing my knees. I needed something that would torch that number of calories but not blow out my weak joints. So I took a deep breath and tried a Cycle class. I cried through my first 45 min ride, but I completed it! I was hooked! Then I tried Yoga and fell in love with that too. Around this time, we also decided to start fertility drugs. It was a challenge to get to the gym during that process, but I did my best, and I was transformed, not only physically, but emotionally. I was feeling so good, I wasn't sure if it really was the right time to have a baby, so on the second cycle of the drugs, I didn't have the test to see if I'd ovulated, I just decided to live my life and if God gave us a pregnancy, we'd find out when it was time. That was late October. November was my best month of exercise and health ever. I felt amazing. I didn't even really think about the baby thing that much because I was just so content. Then, on thanksgiving, my Mother in Law told me that my sister in law was pregnant with her third child. I was devastated and discouraged. I cried out to God, not understanding why I didn't get to be a mama. I was extra discouraged because my period was almost 3 weeks late-par for the course with my disease, I'd had to induce my last 2 with medicine. A few days after that, I stayed home from the gym because I just felt wiped out. I thought for sure my period was coming. I'd been experiencing cramping and tender breasts for a week or so and so I thought, ok, let's get through this so we can try the fertility meds again. I knew that if I hadn't ovulated this month, I only had one more dose increase before we topped out, and Scott and I had agreed that this was as far as we would go to have a child naturally. So basically in my mind, we were one month from adoption being the way we'd become parents. The next day, I woke up still feeling a little tired, and as I looked in the medicine cabinet for Tylenol, I saw the box of pregnancy tests. You can guess how that turned out! :-D God is so amazing! My pregnancy was smooth and without any complications besides the severe crippling fear and anxiety that I suffered from pretty much the entire time. I worked out at the same level through my first trimester, then the anxiety just got the better of me and I quit. At my lowest (8weeks pregnant) I weighed 168-I'd lost 42 lbs! Pregnancy taught me so much about my body. Its beauty, its strength, and it made me a different woman. My weight gain was slow and steady, and I truly believe I didn't gain more than I needed to-this was helped by the fact that I just wasn't hungry. I ate when I needed to, but was spared the insane need to stuff my face. Thank GOD! After Lexi was born and all the IV fluids were gone, I was amazed at how my body was bouncing back! Then...the milk came in, and I started nursing. I was RAVENOUS all the time! I made good choices about what to eat, but I could never get full. It was then I knew I wasn't going to be a woman whose pregnancy weight just melts off from breastfeeding. The fact that I weighed 11lbs more 3 days ago than when I came home from the hospital proves that. So what's a girl to do? I can't do a cleanse or drastically slash my calories, because I'm still EBF Lexi, and while I don't diet, I was eating about 1300 cal a day until I got pregnant. I have been advised not to go under 1800, so I'm staying close to that. (I'm not meticulously tracking my calories, because, well, I'll get obsessed, and that's not healthy.) it seems my only option is to exercise. A LOT. Obviously I can't go back to all out 4h a day overnight, so hence the above pep talk. I'm gonna do this, though. My current goal date to finally hit 150 is 6/26. That's a rate of 2lbs a week on average, and I think it's doable. However, I'm not stuck to that goal weight. If I'm lean and mean at 160, that's cool. And it doesn't end there. I am determined to always work to be stronger and healthier for myself and my family. :-)

Goals and tools

Ok, so you know by now that I set lofty but attainable goals for myself in the fitness arena. I'm finding that as a mama and -let's face it-one still recovering from giving birth and adjusting to a whole new lifestyle, I have to place different expectations and restrictions on myself. For example: I'm breastfeeding. This, I was told by many, makes the weight just melt off. FALSE! It makes me hungrier than I've ever been in my life. I lost all but 10 lbs of what I gained with Lexi within a week of giving birth. I have since gained another 5 lbs because I am SO HUNGRY! I'll admit that on our trip to Nebraska for Christmas I ate whatever was near me , but other than that 5 day period, I've made pretty consistently good choices. However, because I'm breastfeeding, I can't do what I've done in the past to jump start weight loss-can't do a 7 day cleanse and then eat 13-1500 cal a day while I work out 4h a day, 5-6 days a week. I've been advised not to go under 1800 cal a day, and I'm sticking to that pretty well so far. When you're eating clean, that goes a long way!
I'm obviously not working out 17-20h a week again yet-and most likely I won't be for awhile, but as of today, I'm on a mission to do as much as I can each day without letting my home, daughter, or husband suffer. So, here are my goals:
-spin class t/th/Sa starting 2/2/13
-get to goal size/weight by 4/24/13-the nebulous weight goal is 150, but because of the way I carry weight, I'm not sure if that number is right. I weighed 170 in the picture that is my biggest inspiration currently (at 4 weeks pregnant with Lexi!) and I honestly don't know exactly what I weigh right now. I just know I hate the way my face looks in pictures. I'm choosing 4/24 because its the day Lexi turns 9 months old, and there's the saying "took 9 months to put it on, 9 months to take it off!" Well, I think that's a lazy way to think about it, but I've also been on my butt the past almost 6 months too! So now I'm setting the goal of losing the baby weight *and* the other 20lbs I had left by her. 9month bday. :-) this whole wellness journey was sparked by my desire to be a mother, and it continues to be inspired by my desire to be the strongest, healthiest, happiest, best role model of a mother I can. Lexi is gonna grow up knowing that mama has some struggles with the way her body works, but she fights them to take good care of herself and her family.
Another reason to set this goal date for April is because I'm involved in at least one wedding(maybe more) this year, and I do not want my goals to be tied to those events. Once the event passes, it's hard to keep up momentum. By the time the wedding I'm in rolls around I want to be hard at work pursuing my next fitness goal!

Now, my tools. You guys know I love gear, and I've tried a lot of things to help me along the way. I still love my armband for swimming, my cycle shoes, and everything else, but I've added 2 major things to the mix that are helping Mama Mae stay on target. One is the BodyMedia FIT Core armband. This thing tracks everything-my steps, my heart rate, calorie burn, sleep...and I input my food into an app. This helps me know exactly how I'm doing and what to expect in weight loss. I'm super psyched. The other thing I'm using is the Kinect for Xbox 360x I've got 2 games for it so far: Zumba fitness Core, and YourShape 2011. Super stoked to share my progress with you!

Instant reflection

I just finished my first real workout with the Kinect. When I say "just", I mean I'm still on the verge of losing my breakfast. When I say "finished" I mean I had to stop. I'm feeling many things right now, besides the nausea. I feel discouraged and disappointed. I've lost a lot of my hard won cardiovascular fitness and muscle strength. I mean, yes, it's been a year since my last *real* workout, and yes, I had a baby 5 months ago, but still. I'm disappointed that I didn't stay more active. I can't change the past, though, and I am feeling excited for the future. :-) I know that today is the bottom. It only gets better from here. I've started, and that's the first step. I can't say it's the hardest step, because for me it's consistency for the first 2 weeks. I think I can do it though. I've got a husband who has my back, and a daughter who is so much less demanding than most babies. :-) I'm probably gonna try my Zumba game in a few hours, and do some solo strength work to round out day 1. Hopefully that and the housework I have planned will both help me reach my calorie burn goal for today and build muscle to burn more long term.