let's call this my own personal FAQ...

So, in sharing my journey with people-most of whom love and care about me-i find that everyone has an opinion and advice on weight loss, and while i'm very thankful they care, it's frustrating because 90% at least just doesn't apply, for one of a few reasons. it;s not that I don't want advice or encouragement- i scour articles and such looking for that magic piece of information that will make this all easier or more effective- but most weight loss advice out there is for "normal" people. i'll expand on that below.

Recently i was sharing my heart, my struggles, and my insecurities with a loved one. i said something along the lines of " i feel like people think i must be lazy and eating like a pig." and her response was something like "who cares what people think? God loves you and you are precious to Him." Well, the second part of that is very true, and i don't doubt it a bit-but it actually *does* matter what people think- because they are *constantly* telling me "well if you just ate better" or "just go for a short walk and it'll melt right off." So, with that in mind, here are some thoughts i'd like to share so you all can understand me better.

1. This is NOT about vanity. I'm not gonna lie and say i don't care how i look, that i'm not insecure , or that i don't compare myself to my naturally thin and drop dead gorgeous sister and sister in law. i do. more often than i should. But i also know that curves are beautiful and sexy, and mine! i love the general shape of my body, and i don't want to be a stick figure! (and for what it's worth, i think my curvier sister is JUST as gorgeous as the skinny one!) This is about being healthy- and even more specifically about having a baby. (yes, i know overweight people have babies all the time, but i also know that it;s not likely, or maybe even not possible for me to get or stay pregnant as i am now- as evidenced by the fact that I am not pregnant after 5 months off the pill. More on the why of that later.)
2. This is not about Food. I do splurge once in awhile and eat more than i should, but may i please say here once and for all that i am not overweight because of how i eat as a habit. i'd like to illustrate this by giving you a typical day in my diet. This has been a typical day for 8 years, people. it is not a new thing, nor am i making it up. this was yesterday.
   

Breakfast: smoothie made from 2 small bananas, 3/4 cup almond milk, 1 serving whey protein.(300 calories)
post workout snack: protein shake made with 1% milk (200 calories)
Lunch: salad made with 5 cups romaine lettuce, 1 can tuna, and 2 tbsp cilantro dressing (200 calories)
Dinner: 2 lean pockets (got asked to babysit last minute so in a rush) (520 calories)
the grand total for yesterday- an entirely typical day- even with dinner on the run- 1320 calories. The minimum recommended calorie consumption to keep from starvation mode is 1200. can we please stop with the calorie cutting advice? i also almost never eat bread or pasta- and rice only if it is brown or if i'm at a restaurant where all they have is white. low carb has been a lifestyle for 8 years as well.
3. This is not a lack of exercise. I'll admit that consistency in exercise at the beginning is a struggle for me, but that is largely due to constant fatigue from my PCOS. however- for the past month i have been VERY consistent. for the past 5 weeks i have exercised at least 3 times a weeks for at least 35 minutes of sustained intense cardio (swimming or hiking) and the past 3 weeks i have done 20-60 minutes of High Intensity Interval Training with cardio and weights at least twice a week. before that it was less consistent but still happening fairly regularly.
4. PCOS has EVERYTHING to do with this. since i was 11, i've had a number of things plaguing me medically and emotionally- when i was 18, i discovered that almost all of them were related and explainable by one very silent disease that is incredibly common and presents differently in every woman who has it. (though it seems the weight struggle is a common denominator) i started eating low carb when i was 20 to help treat it. when i was 23, i finally was able to start treating it for real with the help of a doctor. i know it;s invisible, and i know that makes it harder to understand, but PCOS is no joke. i don't think anyone i know who doesn't have it or isn't married to someone who does really understands that it can affect everything in one's life. i've told women that i have gone 13 months with no period and they have laughed and said they;d love that. no. no you wouldn't. all i can describe it as is being in a constant state of PMS for over a year. it's awful. even now it's only been 2 months and i feel like poo. Worse than the mood swings and the weight struggle and the fatigue though is that if i'm not ovulating, i cannot get pregnant. it is that simple. And yes, i'm fully aware that adoption is a wonderful thing-and we fully plan on doing that also- but my heart;s desire is to have our own biological children as well. we know we CAN get pregnant- there is some magic switch that flips at a certain level of health-and THAT is what i am working for.

Thanks for reading all this and thanks so much for your support!