Don't call it a comeback-no, actually, go ahead.

So, I've been back at it for a few weeks now, but haven't had the time or resources or focus to write.i can't really talk about my lost late  March and all of April, as cathartic as it would be, because i can't write without saying something negative about some people, and you know what Thumper's mama told him! 

Also, a GINORMOUS shoutout of thankfulness for my amazing husband who got me through that time with lots of prayer, encouragement, hugs, and listening. I would not be here without him. Also to all you ladies who listened to my saga and/or prayed for me. 

I have made/am making a helluva comeback though. It's humbling to realize how much fitness is lost in 6 weeks or so of complete inactivity, and the way this illness can break down the body as well as the mind. Because of this, I have to redefine what my goal is for my 35th birthday, five weeks from today. 

My goal for the mid-term (not even long term)  is still #ropesngunsnabs, but I'm not gonna have a six pack, or even a flat pack in five weeks. So what is my birthday goal? I'm gonna figure that out, right now, in a stream of consciousness by defining some smaller goals. 

-I want to be back to doing three sets of 25 push ups (on top of whatever is in my workouts) 2-3x a week. On Saturday I did 4 sets of 12, so I don't think this will take 5 weeks. 15 by this Saturday, 20 the next, 25 the week after. Boom. 

-I want to be practicing yoga 4-6x a week, even if only 20-30 minutes at a time. I'm hoping to start that this Thursday. Yoga is my true love, and ultimately I want to shift my fitness focus from more HIIT/some yoga to the reverse. 

-I want to average a fifteen minute mile on our walks. This is trickier because it's getting hotter, and walks are a bit more draining, but it's a goal-and I'll just work at it till I get there, even if it takes till Fall. 

-I want to be able to do any class on my Peleton cycle app-right now I'm back to 20 minute beginner classes as I ramp up, but even in March I was only working through 45 minute basic classes, and I want to be able to do interval classes, metrics, or whatever I want, even for 60 or 90 minutes. I might be able to get there in 5 weeks, but most likely it'll take a bit longer- I'm hoping before our vacation in August though. 

All those are performance goals, because that's really what I have more control over, and where I see improvement more consistently, but I do have aesthetic goals. This is tricky because I don't want to slide into hating my body or say I'm

A failure if it doesn't look a certain way. But at the same time, I love the way *I* feel when I see the strength I'm building reflect externally. It's a very slippery thing. 

-I want abs. I do. I don't know what that looks like exactly or how long it'll take, I just want it. I do know I'm not gonna stop living my life to achieve them. I'm going to eat a slice of cake on birthdays, I'm gonna have Pizza Hut once in awhile. So fitness competitions are not likely in my future. Haha! I think bottom line, I want my jeans to fit comfortably without muffin top. By the end of September. I feel like four months is a fair goal for that. 

-I want my arms and back toned. This is hard to define too, but I want them to look strong even when I'm not flexing-and really nice definition when I am. And eliminate bra rolls.  Ha! 

So what is the five week Birthday goal?  It's so hard because I'm trying to rebuild from a really hard time, but here it is. I have a pair of Capri pants and a pair of shorts that I was wearing comfortably 3 years ago at my fittest, and I'd really like them to fit comfortably by my birthday. I was almost there before I fell apart, so it should be possible 😜 I just took a "starting" picture, and it really couldn't be worse, because I'm in the middle of my period and this weekend included pizza, ice cream, and cupcakes. So,   Scott is on notice that the sugar is gone and pizza is a non option for awhile - not forever because imma live my life- and I'm on track with meal and workout plans. I'm hoping to make time for short updates regularly here over the next five weeks and beyond, both for whoever is reading this and for myself to look back on. Because I'm feeling more determined than ever to meet these short-mid term goals so I can start pursuing my RYT 200 as soon as I can. 

So HOW am I gonna do all this? Well

I've tweaked my food plan to put high quality carbs right before and after my workouts, and lots of good fats and protein, and very little else. Every meal is planned, leaving no room for winging it, but every meal is also delicious and satisfying. 

And for workouts, I'm using Jillian Michaels new app, as well as the Peloton cycle app, the Fitstar Yoga app, and MapMyWalk. I'm going to be giving all I have without overtraining- like Jillian says, 6h a week of training, and no more- but walks and generally being active don't count. I'm really hoping to check in as often as I can with little successes and victories! 

Btw, this is my journey so far, and my reminder that I've come a long way inside and out.