Manic Monday

Is it possible to feel discouraged and defeated but also more driven than ever to overcome? I'm discovering that it is. That's where I'm at today. 

I kinda knew my results from level 1 would be abysmal because of my swelling and where I am in my cycle. But I'm still bummed. 

I struggled soooo hard through my whole workout today, and there was an exercise I just flat out couldn't get and that really frustrates me, because this is only level two, it should not be too hard, when I have finished this program before. Now, to be fair, I couldn't do it last time though either. Also to be fair, my period is supposed to come any second now, and I'm tired and anxious and it's cloudy out, she today wasn't gonna be my day anyway. 

I'm not sure how, but I want to create drastic gains in strength so that I can conquer both tricep push ups and be able to do at least the modified version of these crossovers ASAP. I know the final level of this program is freaking bananas and I want to start it (four weeks from today) with confidence and expectation of success. 

I also want to really Improve my cardio conditioning. I'm at the point where I can keep moving throughout the whole 2min cardio interval, which is an improvement, but when the exercise is in plank, I cannot continue that exercise the whole time because my arms and shoulders cannot take it.

So, how am I gonna do this? I'm already working in more regular and triceps push ups on push days (Mon/Thurs), and I'm about to add Saturday to that.  This is worth some strategy, because overcoming an obstacle is a great confidence and morale boost.

Ok here it is: my bonus workouts outlined for this phase (2 weeks), to be performed twice a day, either in a row or split. Just gotta get the reps in. I've got strength moves and cardio intervals in plank in there, so I'm challenging myself where I want to improve. 

Small Victories

Tomorrow I'll be a quarter of the way through this round of BodyShred! That's both encouraging to realize and a little...meh. I've really struggled through every workout, not kicking butt like I thought or hoped I'd be the second time around. I lost most of the last 6 weeks of 2016 to mental and physical blahs, and obviously that time consistently training would have had me starting in a different place this new year, so it makes sense. It's just not what I wanted or planned. 

But, so much of what I'm realizing I need to create for myself in this season applies in many areas. I need to allow myself to be where I am and grow from where I am right now, not where I think I should be right now. 

So, every day, in as many areas as occur to me, I'm going to celebrate small victories.  So here are some for today: 

-school went awesome! 

-I got everything I wanted to done this morning! 

-I did my workout even though I got up late 

-my anxiety waited till late afternoon to start to really cause a problem 

- we played outside today! 

-I will have finished 1/4 of BodyShred without skipping a workout (pending tomorrow)! 

-I'm getting so much better perspective and it's really empowering! 

Finding my footing for 2017

I've got so much to process and write about and share as we begin this new year. Some of it is a bit too raw to dig into quite yet, so I'm gonna back burner it for now.

 I'm beginning to get my feet under me, though, and see how the themes in my outlook for this year are shaping up. I started the year with drive and motivation but also very depleted emotionally and physically. That helped me realize I needed to (I know I've been saying this for ages, but it's still an issue...) make self care a true priority. I cannot pour from an empty cup, and if I keep letting myself get just a little refilled and then  pour out every time, I'm never gonna make progress, I'm just gonna stay empty and brittle and broken. 

We are getting back into schedule and routine, which, in itself feeds my soul, and as we do, I'm also being kind to myself. This means that (right now, in the short term) if I need to sleep in, I am- BUT- this does not mean no workout. I still have to make that happen. And obviously sleeping in makes that harder.  Another aspect of my new outlook on self care is a color coded to-do list for the day. This will probably be its own blog post in the near future, but the gist is, that what *has* to be done each day Is written in a color to match who it's for, and something I'd *like* to get done is in black, and I know it's just a bonus. So far that is working well, and I look forward to honing and sharing my system as it grows and changes. 

I'm also going to do a couple things in the next couple days to fine tune and optimize my routine: 

-revisit the early chapters of LMAL to refresh the behaviors that were helpful 

-really look at my day and find space for self care and soul feeding each day.

-fine tune my morning and evening routines 

I'll share what I come up with! 

New Year, starting Bodyshred round two!

Happy New Year! I've got lots to process as we start 2017, but this post is just a check in as I start round two of Bodyshred and reset my food for the year. 

For food, I'm going to be tracking calories and macros, and being as grain and bean free as is practical. I'm starting with a calorie net goal of 1500, which I'll probably drop in two weeks or so, and a macro ratio of 40% protein, 30% fat, 30% carbs. 

I'm using a preworkout, bcaa, and protein supplements as well as probiotics and a CLA supplement to boost results in the short term. 

I lost much of November and December to anxiety and health stuff, so I'm not starting as lean and conditioned as I hoped, but I'm determined and excited to get stronger and healthier. I'm really going to push on the cardio intervals and focus on form in the strength ones this time through. I'm really hoping that in the next 8-12 weeks, the "weight loss" portion of my journey will be finished and I can focus on building and leaning even more, and then shift my focus to yoga and develop that practice. 

Time to get started! 

Setbacks and sidelines

I  haven't worked out since November 22. Its December 2. I'm so unhappy about that, but it's not been for lack of drive or desire. It's been entirely not my choice. 

See, on the evening of 11/21, the first day of my holiday fitness plan, I was eating chili, and I guess there was a bone fragment in the meat, because I broke a huge chunk of my tooth off. I barely slept that night due to anxiety over whether it would turn painful, whether I'd lose the tooth... it was rough. To ease my mind, Scott took me to the dentist Tuesday morning. She looked at it and said I'd need a root canal and crown, unless we discovered a deeper crack, in which case she'd pull the tooth. I came home and tried to rest, but I was too anxious. I did crank out that day's strength workout and an interval ride on my bike. 

Then Wednesday morning I woke up with my anxiety manifesting physically in aches, a sore throat, and feeling feverish. I had no fever, and no real symptoms-this just happens once in awhile when I'm really depleted and anxious. It lasted through Thanksgiving, the whole weekend, and Monday, though it was milder. 

Tuesday morning I went in to have my root canal praying that this was the end of this and that in two weeks when my permanent crown came, it'd all be over and I'd keep my tooth and be back to working out on Thursday. But, the worst case scenario played out, as the root canal showed a crack in my tooth down to the root. The tooth had to come out. But it didn't want to. It took the dentist 30 minutes to get it out, and by the time she was stitching me up, the numbing was wearing off. By the time I got my meds in hand I was hurting pretty badly. I continued to hurt some of the worst I ever have in my life until 10 pm when suddenly the painkiller cocktail started going it's job and I was able to sleep. Wednesday morning I took my painkillers and immediately felt sick, and lost my breakfast around noon. I spent the rest of the day trying to refuel and sleep that off while managing the pain without that medication. Thursday was better pain wise with only ibuprofen but I had a terrible headache and felt very weak even when the mouth pain was managed. 

Today Scott has gone to work, at least for the morning, and I'm trying my best to not call him to come home. I'm much the same as yesterday with the headache and weakness and dizzy. I'm frustrated because I want to feel good and start back to working out, but it's not gonna be today. I drank a few sips of coffee and set it aside. 

As tough and discouraging as this has been, I am thankful for many things. I'm thankful that it wasn't such an emergency that I had to have the tooth out immediately and lose my last week of nursing Declan. I'm thankful that Scott was home last week while my anxiety was making me feel sick. I'm thankful that he's been able to be home and care for me and the kids as I've recovered. I'm the that I don't even have to think about the implant process until at least February and I can focus on healing and Bodyshred in the meantime and use my post implant time as post Bodyshred recovery in February/March. 

I'm hoping for at least a walk or easy bike ride and/or the Amazon Echo 7 min workout today, and maybe some strength and a walk tomorrow, to get me back on track to be working out again for real on Monday. I'll start my supplements then, and restart the MommyTrainer challenge. Then I'll to two weeks of the Model body Challenge before our trip, during which I'll do a simple body weight circuit and walk as able. 

I've been sidelined, but I won't let it derail me  or keep me from my goals. 

31 Weeks!

That's how far it is between this day and my goal date for my BIG goal. My big goal isn't size or weight based. It's not getting back to Pre-Baby body (I'm fitter and smaller than I ever was before Lexi, and almost where I was before Declan in size, though not weight.) It's not to be skinny for my sister's wedding-or to be "skinny" ever. 

I. WANT. ABS. 

So, my big goal has been, for a long time, Abs by my 35th Birthday. Which is thirty one weeks from today. I think it's in reach. I'm likely not gonna have Jillian's low body fat type abs, but  I can still have them visible. 

The HOW: 

-this holiday season I'm doing the Mommy Trainer 15 day challenge (adjusted to fit my workout schedule) and the Model Body 15 day challenge (again adjusting for my schedule). 

-I'll also be adding a few supplements to help me get all I can out of these workouts. 

-I've mapped out a formula to keep my food on point. I don't believe in depriving myself, but instead, I make "treat food" part of the plan. This includes allowing one "off road" meal or sometimes DAY a week. This keeps me from feeling deprived without negatively affecting results. 

-starting 1/2/17 I'll be doing another round of BodyShred, and hopefully that will help me round out the portion of my journey focusing on fat loss. 

-after Bodyshred I'll take a yoga recovery week, then do a few weeks of Master Trainer workouts, and hopefully...

-at that point I'll be able to shift focus to yoga, and keep HIIT/weight training in the schedule twice a week, and keep up my cycle schedule. It'll look like this:

 M/W/F : 45-60 min yoga, walk or light cardio 

T/Th: 45-60m HIIT workout, 60min cycle

Sa: 20 min cycle intervals

Hopefully that new schedule works to help me reach my goals of muscular arms and abs and maintain my fat loss. I'll probably throw in a round of Bodyshred every few months to mix it up too. 

Updates, goals reached, challenges.

 

I finished Bodyshred on November 11, and it felt so good, but also kind of anticlimactic, and I'm not sure why. I never really expected to finish it able to do everything the workout asked of me, and I am proud that I fought through that last week, when the workouts were so hard it felt like I was modifying more than actually following the moves. Or maybe it was because my sister was getting engaged in two days, and that was consuming my thoughts and feelings. Maybe it was because I felt like my body wasn't really changing, despite my giving everything I had. 

Except it was, and is. My body did the ridiculous swelling thing it does through most of the program, and it was difficult to see any exterior payoff to all my hard work. On the Friday before my last week of Bodyshred, my size 8 jeans were feeling incredibly tight and I thought, this better come off when I get a little chance to recover. Well, the next Thursday, I felt kinda skinny, and decided to see what I weighed. The scale had faithfully claimed since Declan was 2 weeks old that I weighed 182 (or more, some days!) despite me losing pant sizes and working out like a beast. Not this day. This day it told me 174. Well good. I'll take that. Then, sometime that weekend, I tried on my size six jeans, and they slid right on and there was no muffin top. 

This past week was not intended to be a recovery week, but due to a perfect storm on my mental health affecting my physical health, it was, for the most part. That also gave me a chance to actually see the changes in my body. I saw another movement on the scale (171) and I tried on my size fours twice. The first time I just wanted to see how close I was to being able to button and zip-I didn't really think they'd come over my hips! They buttoned and zipped with little effort. The second time, yesterday, there was no muffin top. What is this world? They weren't comfortable, but they went on. So that gives me some fuel to think that maybe in the next 5 weeks of workouts I can make the difference between where I am now and "comfortable". Y'know, everyone's Holiday plan. Hahahaha! 

I'm starting the first of two challenges I've got on deck for the holidays today,  and I'm gonna record stats for once:

Weight: 171

Waist: 30

Hips: 40

Chest:40

Cage : 33

Thigh: 23

Calf:14

Bicep(not flexed): 11

I'm trying to prepare myself for the likelihood of swelling up again, at least a bit, but hopefully even our trip at Christmas won't jack up my results too much. 

This is (probably) our last week of nursing, which will get its own post, but this means next week I can start taking a pre workout and BCAA supplements! I'm excited about that and really hope there's a positive effect on my muscle building, workout performance, and overall energy. 

I'm a bit overtired today from a very emotional and mentally challenging week, and resulting lack of sleep, but I'm so excited for what's ahead. 

31 weeks!