Inspiration from my Mama

I worry. a lot. about many things. most of these worries are unnecessary. that said, lately i have 2 main fears/worries: a) that all this trying to have a baby is gonna end in heartache and b)if i do get pregnant it's going to be high risk and i'll have to stop my workouts and i'll lose all the ground i've gained in my fitness this year. i've no real reason or concrete basis for either of these fears, it's just that i can't see the answer or control them that drives me mad. i shared all this with my mother the other day, and she responded with this story. (quotes are my memory and may not be verbatim- sorry Mama.)

 What you just said reminds me of when i was taking a Calculus test once. i was sitting there, staring at the problem on the paper and thinking. and i kept staring at it. The teacher came over and asked me what i was doing. i told him i was thinking. He said i that i had to put pencil to paper and start solving it, one step at a time. i'd never see the answer at the start, but what i had to do was put pencil to paper and do what comes next.

So that was her advice to me. Don't feel stuck because i can't see the answer to my worries from where i sit now-my job right now is to keep putting pencil to paper and doing what comes next every single day. WOW. so simple, but for me, so VERY profound. and exactly what i needed to hear.
THANKS MAMA!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

kicking butt, new interests, icky drugs, and- WHAT? 30 pounds GONE????

it's been a busy and crazy and awesome and partially sick couple weeks! ok, once again it's been awhile so i'll try and sum up what's been going on as best i can without boring details.
 Icky drugs
the day following my last post i had a doctor's appt in which my doc and i discussed the pregnancy situation and made a roadmap to move forward- hopefully with some results. well the first leg of the journey from that point on was 10 days of Provera to get things movin. UGH! i felt ok if kinda feverish over the weekend- and that was Irene weekend, so i had a decent excuse not to make it to Cycle that saturday. i also missed my monday workout due to just plain feelin crappy, but i forced myself to go on Tuesday because i really really don't want to lose this awesome momentum i am gaining. i'm glad i went, and proud of what i accomplished, but MAN was it a rough morning! it went like this- i get to the gym and start doing my floor work. a set of 20 ct bicycle crunches goes jsut fine, but as soon as i start doing front/lateral raises with 7.5 lb weights, i start sweating, heart starts racing, and the room starts spinning. scary! i struggled through the rest of my floor work and weights that way, but it felt borderline stupid. then i went into Cycle- this time with Lisa. i think class started pretty well,and idefinitely felt stronger than i hsd my first week of cycle- i pretty much always feel an inch from death in cycle class- but in a good way.  at about the 40 min mark i was not feeling it in a good way- i was pretty sure i was gonna pass out, fall off the bike, and in doing so also puke and injure myself somehow. i pushed a bit longer then at 44 min i had to get off that bike and get out of there. i t was not good how i felt and God willing i'll never feel that way again. i went home that day with a solid 2h workout behind me but a large sense of frustration because i know that if not for the drugs i coulda done more. fast forward 8 days till that medicine was out of my system and i felt human enough to hit the gym again. strength training fist as usual, then Cycle with Shelle- now, i have had a number of cycle instructors (s/o to Ashley, Dee, Susan, Lisa, Kathi, and Shelle!) and Shelle is the toughest by far in my opinion- but this is good- i need the push! Just...it was a bit much for my first day back after being so sick and doing literall nothing but play video games and watch TV for a week. i made it through 36 min and bailed. when i did i told myself it was ok, but starting on saturday i was going to finish every ride from here out- even if i had to take breaks from following the instructor's cues.
 Kicking Butt
y'know what? i HAVE! my next class was saturday, and i finished the whole 45 min ride and followed almost all of Kathi's cues.Monday was a mass of strength training (about 90 min) followed by a 33 min run on the elliptical. maybe it';s a phase i'm in, but i am so over the elliptical right now. maybe cuz cycle is making me pretty much permasore and it's just not a mentally stimulating workout, i dunno. not feelin it the past few weeks.anyhoooooo. Tuesday i did the strength thing again and then headed to cycle class to see what Lisa had in store. i've started getting to the studio early to warm up and sneak a few extra minutes into my workout, so in the end my ride on tuesday was a rockin, rollin, leg burnin 67 min/25.1 miles. I FINISHED! YAAAAAAY ME!

 New interests! (and more Kicking Butt)
then, because i had told Kathi i would, and because i really wanted to break a fear barrier, i went to Basic Yoga class with Kathi. i'd practiced a teeny bit of yoga on my own a few years ago, but i was heading in basically a clean slate. ( the little i knew going in helped me know generally what poses are called which helps). here is a link to a post someone else wrote about the class-if you look at the pics, i'm in a few- in hot pink of course! :-) i loved the class, love Kathi, and am SO going to be there every week!  Wed was my last midweek rest day for the forseeable future- i think-but i got right back into it on thursday- strength training, then cycle with Shelle again- SO hard, but i finished and finished strong! Shelle's style is more challenging than the others, but i still love her class- then immediately following cycle i had Yoga with- Shelle!!! i was nervous- is her yoga practice style as intense ans her cycle style? oh thank heavens no- it was challenging, but still soooo relaxing and full of good mind/body connection. at this point i'm pretty sure i'm addicted to yoga.  Today i got to the gym a little late after waking up slowly with scott, and only did about half my planned strength work before scuttling down to the locker room, changing, and hopping in the pool for my first swim since JUNE! (ok maybe July 1, but still!) i'm not gonna lie- the second thru 8th lengths were a struggle, but judging from the few time checks i made, my lap time is still about what it was in late june. that was cool to see. i did 36 lengths/laps (i always count a lap as there and back but it seems most folks don't) then hopped back out to change- i had budgeted more time than needed for all this changing, so i'm likely gonna strength train longer before i swim after this. Then it was time for Yoga! yes! more YOGA! this time it was with Kim, who i'd never seen nor met before, but who had a very nice style of guiding our practice and i am looking forward to more yoga with her.  i also think i am going to practice my Tree/dancer/full warrior poses more outside class so i can not topple during every balance move.  Tomorrow is Cycle again- either with Ashley or Kathi, and as it;s the one workout a week i dhare with Scott, it;s extra exciting! oh. one more thing...
SAY WHAT?
We have a milestone crossed here people! i weighed myself yesterday, and after so much hard work, i have weighed in at 179.4lbs. this means 2 things: a) i have lost over 30 lbs! and b) i am OVER halfway to my  goal!!!! YAAAAAAY *confetti*
.

Spinning!

i've added yet another form of exercise to my repetoire! Spinning, or Cycle, as they call it at my gym is an intense cardio workout on specially designed stationary bikes. it is the hardest* thing i have ever done, exercise wise, and now i have completed three classes in 6 days- Sat, Tues, Thurs. i am so proud of that.  let me share the experience with you.

Saturday: Get Moving Cycle
Instructor: Ashley
This is the class for beginners, but it wasn't easy at all. first, we were taught how to set up our bikes, then we were guided through a series of sprints, climbs, and standing drills. i kept up ok, and definitely gave it all i had. it was a 45 min ride, and i think having scott there with me helped immensely. So far, Ashley's soundtrack was my favorite. effort: 8/10, kept up: 7/10

Tuesday: Get moving Cycle
Instructor: Dee
Dee has a very different personality from Ashley, much more soothing and encouraging compared to Ashley's more gregarious style, but that's ok! this class was equally challenging to the first, and i finished, so that was good. it was really really hard, but i am so glad i went. i gave it all i had today because i knew wed would be a day off.  effort: 9/10 Kept up 8/10

Thursday: CycleAbs
Instructor: Susan
this class was gonna be a challenge before i ever walked in. i felt like garbage from the start today, but i decided that if i'm gonna keep this up when i'm pregnant i need to learn to push through that.  when i walked in, i asked the others in the class how long the ride was (i thought it was 45 min with 15 min of abs at the end) and was told "an hour" Whooooo boy! i had only doen 45 min rides, and i was already feeling icky and weak. i figured right then that i'd stop at 45 min. then at the 10 min mark i was telling myself i'd jsut make it to 20 min- i felt so weak and sore! then, at 20 min, i was like, ok, you can make it to 30. then at 30, iwas like, ok- push till 45- you;ve done that before! at 45 min i was like ok, do your best, and finish the ride. and i did! No ab work- probably because it was a sub teacher. that's ok. i'll jsut hit them hard tomorrow. i'm so proud of that 60 min ride.

So, that;s been my first week of Spinning, and i can't wait till saturday! (provided there is no storm interference!)

*when i say hardest, i mean most challenging without causing me some sort of pain or injury, as in BodyCombat, where i struggle because of foot and joint pain more than lack of fitness

Thinking ahead to pregnancy training

so, i'm not pregnant yet- as far as i know- but the fitter i get, the more i feel it could be iminent. i am also a planner and a control freak,  so i have been doing some research into how to build and modify my program around this. i think i've got a pretty solid plan (which i will discuss with my doctor next friday to see what he thinks) and that makes me feel pretty confident.
Something i have been expressing over and over to scott lately is this fear that after all the hard work i have put forth this year that i'm going to get pregnant and lose all the progress i've made in getting fit. i am determined for that not to happen.  honestly, if  i find out next week that i am pregnant now, i pretty much do not want to weigh any more at the end of my pregnancy than i do right now. i'm 33ish lbs from my goal weight and i don't think gaining more than that is neccesary, or even healthy. (i'm gonna talk to my doctor about this, so don't freak out.) part of this is because i've been told the beginning of your pregnancy is a fantastic time to lose weight and because for my own sake and for the sake of my child, i am going to need to bounce back as quickly as possible afterwards. i think that's true for many women, but it's especially true for me, because of my PCOS-fatigue and depression are big issues in my struggle, and to be the best mom i can, daily exercise time is jsut gonna have to be a top priority after keepin that baby clean, fed,and loved on. that's the way it's gonna have to be- forever. Mama has got to take care of herself so she can take care of you. maybe it sounds selfish, but i know from seeing how i'm a better wife no than i was 8 months ago that the only way i can be the woman God made me to be is if i am getting in that workout time. To that end, here is my general plan:

-2x/week: Cycle class
-5x/week: pregnancy pilates
-3x/week: weight training
-3-4x/week: run on elliptical or swim

When i hit the 2nd Trimester i also plan on starting the Hot Mama's program at my gym. not sure waht all that entails, but i'm sure i'll be able to work it all together for a healthy pregnancy.

BodyCombat week 2

first, let me recap yesterday (tuesday). it was my first back to back day of weights at the gym, and it went well. i did a TON of ab work first, mixing in my bicep and tricep work, and all that was great. then i did my weight machine circuit. this circuit takes less time every day, and i'm not entirely sure why. maybe i'm taking shorter rests between sets? this may turn out to be a good thing though, as i'll get into in a bit. After all that strength training, i got on the stationary bike for 45 min. it was decent cardio, though i wasn't hffing and puffing like usual (on the elliptical) and maybe i could have worked harder. i didn't really know what to expect from myself though, so i kinda paced myself. it definitely made me want to take a cycle class even more, because with really only a small/moderate amount of effort i went for 45 minutes solid. that was cool.

today was cardio only, but it was also bodycombat day- i love and hate this class. the instructor, Brett, is amazing and funny and high energy and challenging- i am HUGE fan. i have 2 main struggles with the class- my feet hurt, and my lack of cardiovascular endurance. the former will hopefully be at least improved when my new shoes come (YAY) and the only real solution i see to the second is more bodyCombat. now, Brett does teach this class again tomorrow at 8:15 am, but a)that's hella early for this kinda workout, and b) can my knees/feet handle this?  if you read this blog with any regularity, you know that i am more ambitious than my body can handle sometimes, and i'm trying to sort out if this is one of those times. i don't think after class today i felt any more fatigued than after a run on the elliptical although i know in a lot of ways i pushed myself a lot harder. maybe this is a sign i am getting fitter, i dunno. i fought to get through that class and took many more breaks than i wanted to, but, i dunno- can i do it again tomorrow? i kinda want to.

The second thought i am having is that after my ride yesterday, i definitely want to do more cycling. i've not taken a class yet, but i'm a fairly fast learner, so i am up for the challenge. i think.

i wanna do everything. i love the way i feel after BodyCombat, and i want to get better and be able to keep up. i won't bore you with typing out my whole thought process, but know i am wrestling with this mentally as well as physically! :-)

Edit: because i am a goal- oriented person, i've made a decision about bodyCombat. i'm obviously going to keep going on wednesdays, but because the second but equal goal right now is to get pregnant, and i don't see myself doing Combat throughout my pregnancy (or past the first trimester even)i'm going to focus on developing my cycle skillz- because that is something i can do while i'm pregnant. (i know this because there is a gal at the gym who is at least 6 months along who does cycle almost daily!) hopefully after baby i'll be able to pick Combat back up and work up to twice a week maybe. right now, because i'm so anxious about losing momentum when i am pregnant, i think the best plan for me is to create a program with variety, but also something i don't have to really adjust while i am pregnant too much.

new week...new thoughts

have i mentioned titling blog posts is the hardest part for me? just a note. moving on....

So, here is how last week ended up:
M: 2.5 hours strength training, elliptical 4.54 miles, 33min
Tu: rest. zzzzzzzzz
W: 2.5h strength training, BodyCombat (OHMYSTARS)
Tr: 33 min Elliptical, 4.05 miles
F: 2h Strength training, 33min elliptical, 4.47 miles

Not bad, all told. i slept all day saturday- almost literally.

Today started a new week, and i'll be honest, i have high expectations for myself this week. today i started solidly with 2h strength training and  4.46 miles/33 min on the elliptical. i want to be doing more than this, and i have the energy, but my legs just feel worn out from the get go! i'm reminding myself that this is reaally only my 7th workout of this new program and i need to be patient with myself. i really want to be doing 60 min of cardio 5-6 days a week on top of the 4 days of strength training i am doing. right now though, 30 min feels darn near all i can do. i'm hoping varying the type of cardio i do during the week will help me progress quickly.  this week i'll be trying cycling (tues) and returning to BodyCombat (wed) to break up all the elliptical work. i'm ordering my fancy sulfate free swim haircare stuff today, so hopefully i'll be able to start swimming a day or 2 a week next week.
  here is what my weeks should look like from here on:

M: strength, elliptical
Tu: Strength, cycle
Wed: Bodycombat
Tr: Strength, Elliptical
F: Strength, Swim
Sa: elliptical (opt if worked out m-f)

thinking about goals.

so my goal has always been a size 8, but is that the right goal? i really don't know what size i should be shooting for. i really don't think i could maintain anything smaller than an 8, but should i be a 10 instead? i'm just over a size away from a 10 (meaning my 12s fit, but not comfortably...) so i guess i'll see fairly soon hopefully how look and feel at that size and go from there. i just don't wanna set myself up for angst by setting the bar at a level i can reach but not realistically maintain. i'll keep puzzling on this.