Battling fatigue.

So, my period has been "trying" to come for about 6-7 weeks now. Or longer. It seems like ages. The past 6 weeks at least, though, I've felt like garbage physically, mentally,and emotionally-well, overall. Some days have been okay in some areas, and awful in others, and right after a workout is always awesome. The workouts have been far fewer than I need though.  Other than for weight loss and fitness, exercise is my medication. It's my best weapon in the struggle against my sometimes crippling anxiety and depression.  So I need my workouts at least 5x a week, if not in some form daily. Other than the anxiety/depression, here's what this state of hormonal limbo is gifting me:

-bloatedness. Yay! The few clothes I have that fit don't fit day to day!

-irritability. Grr.

---cramps-enough said.

-extreme fatigue-this is the worst part. I feel like a limp noodle. This is a huge part of why working out hadn't been happening. It's a battle every day to get up and give Lexi the energetic mama she deserves. Some days are more successful than others. 

-sleeplessness. Doesn't help with the fatigue. 

Milestone

My pre-Lexi jeans fit! The jeans I wore to the doctor's office for that first ultrasound. Heck, I think I wore them the day she was conceived! ;-) I'm a little mooshier around the middle than I was then, but unless something catastrophic happens, it means come fall (when I actually want to wear denim) ill be buying at "worst" the same size jeans I was wearing at 16 when I met Scott, but fairly likely, smaller ones. I'll be happy either way, as long as I am continuing to get stronger and fitter. It's always a tough gap between the 12 and the 19 for me, and I'm hoping this is the last time I have to bridge it. Even after another baby-next time I'm going to a) stay active during the pregnancy so I can bounce back faster after energy wise,  b) not eat 3 pbj's a day for months and gain 15 breastfeeding pounds! :-P and c) get back to the gym as soon as I'm allowed rather than waiting 8 months. You heard me-this is the last time I bridge this gap if I can help it! 

Feeling really exhausted.

Also discouraged. Maybe they go together.

Don't wish for it...work for it

A friend who has recently lost over 50 lbs posted this quote, and while I'm super happy for and proud of her, it's reminded me of my frustration. Yes, my work has paid off, but not at the rate I feel like it should be. I'm gonna get back on the horse this week after a couple busy weeks, but I'm feeling pretty discouraged. 

Forgot to post this Tuesday:

This is me 4 weeks Pregnant (at my recent smallest), 39 weeks 3 days pregnant(the day before labor started), and this past Tuesday. I'm really trying to focus on the positives in this journey. My control freak nature sabotages me because I desperately desire at times-okay, often-to speed things up by eating less, but I know I can't, for Lexi's sake. I know she won't be nursing forever, and I'm really trying to do right by her as I reclaim my own body. So, I'm celebrating where I am, and trying not to focus on where I "should" be in my own mind. I'm also trying not to make the mistake I did when she was born ANC assume all kinds of weight will fall off as soon as I'm done nursing(everyone said initially I'd lose weight *from* nursing, but my body is stubborn), because I can't count on that. Just gotta keep plugging.

Noting improvements when they come.

Y'know, I need to go easier on myself. I get mad when I don't do allll the exercise I want to in a day but I forget that 2 weeks ago I couldn't do all of the JMBR workout I just did, let alone cycle and my JMBR on the same day! So, yes, I should keep pushing for improvement, but I also need to recognize improvement when it happens!

Off week

No, I'm not taking the week off, I'm just feeling a little off my game this week. Maybe it's because I killed it so hard last week, maybe it's hormones. I've had pretty bad insomnia all week, so that could be it. All I know is I'm pretty much constantly sleepy and it needs to end. It is making me think up all sorts of excuses in my head to slack off and that is No Bueno. I have done everything I was supposed to this week except a walk on Monday and wed and spin Tuesday-so basically, cardio. I am trying not to beat myself up and just move on, but dang it's hard, because i am still so tired and I don't see an end to it. So today, This: and also this: