Thursday, April 25, 2013
Loneliness and friendships missed
Sometimes I feel lonely. Not nearly as often as I used to, but sometimes. Often it's brought on by missing someone I haven't seen in a long time or who is far away. Lately it's been from missing a particular friend. She has meant and continues to mean so much to me, though its been about 12 years since we were close. Our lives diverged for awhile, but we've stayed...distantly in touch. Recently our lives have become more parallel, and we started interacting more online, and I became hungry to rekindle the closeness we once had. I'm a very emotional person, and passionate. Because of this I often hesitate to express things like wanting to be closer to this friend. What if she feels her life is full enough? (I do know she has a lot going on.) what if there just isn't a place for me anymore? Should I let these what if's stop me? I mean, what if she needs me and misses me too?
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One of the things I learned from losing my brother is that if you're waiting to reconnect with someone, waiting for them to come back to you when they are ready, you need to stop waiting and do it yourself. My brother was a bit estranged before his passing, he and my other brother had a big fight (over other brother's fiance, which he ended up not marrying, but my brother left before that came to pass) and needed time away to get over it. We communicated sometimes but the communications got longer and longer apart and then there was this state of inertia, we hadn't seen him in so long that pulling him home would have been a lot of effort. He passed away before we could reconnect, we all got to see what his new life was like at his funeral, and that's something I will always regret.
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