Feeling really exhausted.

Also discouraged. Maybe they go together.

Don't wish for it...work for it

A friend who has recently lost over 50 lbs posted this quote, and while I'm super happy for and proud of her, it's reminded me of my frustration. Yes, my work has paid off, but not at the rate I feel like it should be. I'm gonna get back on the horse this week after a couple busy weeks, but I'm feeling pretty discouraged. 

Forgot to post this Tuesday:

This is me 4 weeks Pregnant (at my recent smallest), 39 weeks 3 days pregnant(the day before labor started), and this past Tuesday. I'm really trying to focus on the positives in this journey. My control freak nature sabotages me because I desperately desire at times-okay, often-to speed things up by eating less, but I know I can't, for Lexi's sake. I know she won't be nursing forever, and I'm really trying to do right by her as I reclaim my own body. So, I'm celebrating where I am, and trying not to focus on where I "should" be in my own mind. I'm also trying not to make the mistake I did when she was born ANC assume all kinds of weight will fall off as soon as I'm done nursing(everyone said initially I'd lose weight *from* nursing, but my body is stubborn), because I can't count on that. Just gotta keep plugging.

Noting improvements when they come.

Y'know, I need to go easier on myself. I get mad when I don't do allll the exercise I want to in a day but I forget that 2 weeks ago I couldn't do all of the JMBR workout I just did, let alone cycle and my JMBR on the same day! So, yes, I should keep pushing for improvement, but I also need to recognize improvement when it happens!

Off week

No, I'm not taking the week off, I'm just feeling a little off my game this week. Maybe it's because I killed it so hard last week, maybe it's hormones. I've had pretty bad insomnia all week, so that could be it. All I know is I'm pretty much constantly sleepy and it needs to end. It is making me think up all sorts of excuses in my head to slack off and that is No Bueno. I have done everything I was supposed to this week except a walk on Monday and wed and spin Tuesday-so basically, cardio. I am trying not to beat myself up and just move on, but dang it's hard, because i am still so tired and I don't see an end to it. So today, This: and also this:

Loneliness and friendships missed

Sometimes I feel lonely. Not nearly as often as I used to, but sometimes. Often it's brought on by missing someone I haven't seen in a long time or who is far away. Lately it's been from missing a particular friend. She has meant and continues to mean so much to me, though its been about 12 years since we were close. Our lives diverged for awhile, but we've stayed...distantly in touch. Recently our lives have become more parallel, and we started interacting more online, and I became hungry to rekindle the closeness we once had. I'm a very emotional person, and passionate. Because of this I often hesitate to express things like wanting to be closer to this friend. What if she feels her life is full enough? (I do know she has a lot going on.) what if there just isn't a place for me anymore? Should I let these what if's stop me? I mean, what if she needs me and misses me too?

Ride that wave!

So today has been, overall, a great day. I had a great morning with Lexi, had a great workout while she napped, spent a little more special time with her, and got dinner made early since I have cycle tonight. Lexi is down for a second nap, and I'm dealing with the fallout of the only negative part of the day. Scott and I had to have a conversation and make a hard choice. I don't like the position we are in having to make this choice, and really neither answer would have been a complete win, but we have made our decision. I feel relief and also anxiety. Anxiety about a lot of things, mostly unrelated to the issue today. I get like this sometimes. :-/ tonight's cycle class should help a lot to work off some stress.