Soooo about the past few months...

It's been foreeeever, both since I blogged and since I've been in a workout routine. See, we started house hunting, and the anxiety was out of control, then we found a house, and the anxiety spiked even more because of all the work ahead and the desperation to get the heck out of there, and then came the work and the move and the stress and the fast food and more work and literal all nighters unpacking....

But we are home now, and creating a new normal, and it's going great! 

The move went as smoothly as it could-God really worked things out perfectly, and Scott was amazing at spearheading the stuff that wasn't for me to worry over. (As well as just driving up to ikea and then assembling our new bed and dresser when we discovered black mold on the ones we had on moving day!)  I did the packing and unpacking and decorating and kid wrangling, and we made a fantastic team.  

Here's our new home: 

We are so in love with this house and all the new freedoms and blessings that come with it! 

As far as fitness, my plan is still evolving a little bit. I restarted JMBR yesterday, starting my workout by 645 in order to be done before Scott leaves for work, and we are walking every day weather allows, but, due to not being a mile from the gym anymore, my cycle schedule is unknown. I'll figure it out though. ☺️ I'm so happy and excited to start pouring a bit back into myself. It's long overdue. 

To my Baby Duck, turning One,

My sweet, loving, joyful, sometimes mischievous, often laughing, occasionally temperamental, always wonderful little boy, I can't believe it, but, it's your first birthday. What a year it has been. A year I didn't expect, but one that has changed me. God used you, little man, even as a tiny baby, to do big work in your mama. We didn't know, when we gave you a name meaning "man of prayer, man of God," how much those two things would be true already. I'm so thankful that God gave us you, that he used you, someone so beautiful and so sweet and so worth the fight, to teach your mama to fight. Your smiles have been rewards along the journey of the past year, when we didn't let PPDA win. 

You light up my world every single morning as you wake up with giant smiles and laughter.

I never knew how much my heart needed the love of a son-so different from the love of a daughter-until the first morning I woke up to that smile. 

So many people-especially those who know you well, marvel at what a serene and happy guy you are, and I'm so proud and washed over with thankfulness for you and the things you teach me every day. Life is neither a race or a competition, and there is so much to enjoy that we might miss if we focus on and worry about the wrong things. There's no hurry, and sometimes things are so much sweeter after a long wait. God taught me that through my wait for babies, and he's taught it to me again as I've gotten to know you, my laid back smiley, but oh so full of personality guy. 

You're detail oriented, which is precious as you explore and stare at tiny things, but also exhausting, because you can find things to put in your mouth even right after we vacuum!! 

You hate wearing shoes, but boy oh boy do you love to play with (and try to chew on) them! Dadda and I joked about just getting you a pair of adult sneakers for your birthday. The squeals of joy when you manage to crawl to the pile of shoes by the front door without being intercepted are beyond precious. 

You are finally getting interested in food-who would have thought that the baby who we had to fight for for months to nurse well would be content with it solely for so long! You reaaaaaally love your pears, though, and often want to try whatever mama has-though I rarely have let you so far. I bet when you get those molars, you're gonna go to town on whatever you can! 

Declan, I love so many many things about you, from your wild and crazy red hair, your Dadda's beautiful blue eyes that sparkle back at me when you smile, the pride on your face when you do something new (right now it's pulling to stand!), all the way to your chubby toes, but there is one gift of you that stands out from the rest: 

The way you and your sister love each other. It's beyond my dreams and hopes, and the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Every morning when it's time to get her up, I look at you and say "Declan, are you ready to get your Lexi?" And your face lights up. I set you down outside her room, and you crawl in squealing as you hear her voice. I love when you two play quietly, the squeals and laughs when you wrestle, and the way you miss her when she's not around. Sometimes you crawl to her room and bang on her door after she's in bed. 

And yes, you are Mama's Boy.  

You love Sissy and Dadda, but boy howdy if you don't call for your Mamama! A bajillion times a day, and if any tears don't immediately stop in my arms. And I love it. I love your hand on my cheek or stroking my arm while you nurse, the sneak attack kiss, and the hugs so tight my heart might burst. 

I love you, my fluffy Duckling, and I'm so thankful to be your mama and excited for all the fun ahead. 

Inspiration from Siri

So maybe you've seen the suggestion to "ask Siri to beatbox". Maybe you've tried it. If you haven't, go ahead, I'll wait. 

(If you aren't an Apple user, she says "here's what I've been working on: catsandbootsandcatsandbootsandcatsandboots. I could do this all day. Catsandbootsandcatsandbootsandcats..") 

This morning I was texting Scott my feelings about my body, about wanting to be and look less chubby and more strong,and how I wanted my guns back. And my abs. Then I heard the chant in my head: 

Gunsandabsandgunsandabsandgunsandabsandgunsandabsandguns.

Funny, silly, and strangely motivating. Obviously I can't spot reduce, and I'm working up to three cycle classes a week by next month to get more cardio, especially while it's too cold to walk outside regularly, but those are my external goals, the Guns will emerge first, but eventually I will see my abs, and hopefully sooner than later. 

I might even make a few signs to keep me motivated. 

I do have some more concrete goals for progress. I'd like to be wearing:

Size 8 jeans by 2/15 (4.5 weeks) 

Size 8 skinny jeans by 3/1 (7 weeks) 

Size 6 jeans by 4/1 (11.5 weeks)

Size 4 crops/shorts by my birthday (24.5 weeks) 

Update: I'm loving PiYo. It's kicking my butt, and I really struggle with keeping up, but I do think I'm already improving. I can see myself returning to it for years to come, as a break for my joints for a couple months, as a way to switch up and keep my body guessing, I love it. I really hope to see some results soon, now that the holiday food is gone. 

Also- I'm transitioning to drinking my coffee bulletproof-blending it with vanilla, stevia, coconut oil, and soon ghee, to give my body some healthy fats to fuel and start the day with! So far I love it, and I have more energy. I'll keep updating with other changes! 

Different can be good, comparison is bad.

I am really enjoying PiYo. It's very different from my usual, but intense and challenging, and I really think it's gonna be good for me for the next few months while my foot keeps healing. It's the best of what I love about yoga, that it connects me to my body and its grace and strength, but also the intensity that I like to create with HIIT. I love that it's not easy for me, and I have plenty of room to improve, because that ensures I won't get bored. I think it will couple well with cycle class too. 

Ugh. My struggle with comparison is rearing its head again. My postpartum fitness journey has been tough, and it is tougher and downright depressing when I compare to others and how different/easy it is for them. I've gotta hike my own hike and keep the blinders on, and really focus on blooming and embracing-two of my three words for this year. I'm stronger than I was yesterday, and my body is transforming into the healthy body of a mama of two, and she is a new woman I'm still getting to know. 

Starting 2016

Happy New Year! Like most folks, I've got some things I want to accomplish this year. I'm still kinda trying to get my mindset sorted out, because I don't want to strive for things I can't control and end up disappointed and discouraged (Hello Summer 2015!). 

I've written about my general goals on my mama blog (http://crunchyvida.blogspot.com/2016/01/happy-new-year-here-what-i-aiming-for.html?m=1), but here I want to be a bit more specific about my fitness goals. 

First, lets be totally real and honest here- I want results I can see in the mirror and how my clothes fit. I want to be back in my lil bitty shorts by the time it's hot enough to wear them. I want to be in my size 8 jeans (one size down) by the end of February, 6's by the end of April, and those 4's by my birthday. I want my guns back. I want to be back at the part of my journey where fat and sizes aren't a factor and I'm just getting stronger, more agile, increasing stamina. Obviously all that is part of the journey now too, but what I didn't expect was how hard it was going to be mentally and emotionally to be 3 sizes back from where I worked so hard to be in addition to the physical recovery of having a baby, which had been complicated for me by some serious PPD. 

So what are my actual goals, since I have only moderate control of how fast I get the stuff I just said I want? 

Consistency. This is the biggest factor, especially as Declan transitions to solid food over the coming months and we move, and transition him to his own room, and all the challenges and good stuff those changes will bring. I have to work out consistently, 6 days a week,and eat to fuel my body. 

Momentum. I worked out this morning, and it was flipping brutal. I got very bad sleep last night due to Teefers McSoremouth (3 teeth in the past 10 days and at least one more coming) and I haven't worked out since early December. I don't want to feel like I do right now again. If I am consistently challenging and building, I will gain momentum to achieve more and more. 

This last goal is trickier to describe- I want daily victories. I want to notice my muscles popping, my face shape changing, being able to go deeper on a move, sprint longer in cycle class. I want payoff. 

And I want my size 4 jeans in the fall. 

Making lemonade.

So I'm about a month into this recovery, and it's been discouraging. I lost my drive for awhile, and I was sick, and I got bogged down trying to bounce back from that. Anyway, I'm bounced back, and the house is clean, and I have a new daily schedule mapped out, including keeping up with the housework. I'm ready to go. 

I am going to focus on yoga the next week or two, and start back to cycling. Then I'll work in my strength work again and start rebuilding my muscles.  In January, instead of going back to Bodyshred, I'm probably going to do something lower impact. I really want this foot to heal so I don't re-injure it. I'm going to have to put in more time until I'm able to go back to high intensity, but it will be worth it. 

I'm beyond ready to feel comfortable in my body again, and I'm really determined to do what it takes to get there, and I'm pretty sure that in March, when Declsn is less reliant on me for his nutrition, I can start making faster progress! 

Injury, setbacks, rolling with the punches

I planned to be almost halfway through bodyshred right now. That's not where I am, sadly. I have plantar fasciitis, and that has changed my whole trajectory. For the past week and a half, I've been resting, and getting used to the idea that my journey is taking a little different route right now. I am very frustrated and discouraged but I'm really trying not to focus on that. I don't know what my results goals look like right now, and can only really focus on keeping the habit of fitness up and improving in the areas in able. 

I can't do any exercise with impact, so it's yoga, swimming (but the pools at the gym are still closed right now), no impact strength training, and cycle. I'm going to have to put in more time than I've been so far if I want to continue to improve, but since the intensity will be lower, I can probably do it with less procrastination. Haha! 

I'm nervous what my return to "real" workouts will look like, and what will happen to my cardiovascular conditioning over the next 2 months, but, that's not something I can really control right now. I just have to focus on eating very clean as much as I'm able, (yay holidays)  and giving my very best in each workout. 

This month I'm doing Beginner Shred level 1 and 2, a lot of yoga (4d a week), and cycle 2x a week. I'm also going to continue working on my planks, push ups, and other bonus work.